clowns - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Drake And The Raptors Both Got A Talking-To From The NBAThe Toronto Raptors will host Game 1 of the NBA Finals tonight, and there’s no doubt Drake will be sitting on the sideline. He’s behaved like an unruly dingus courtside in Toronto, blurring the lines between participant and bystander in ways that would make Spike Lee blush. Bucks coach Mike Budenhol...

Drake Cuts Sweaty Promo About How Raptors Fans Are Really Good At Following The RulesThe Raptors beat the Milwaukee Bucks in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals last night, and Drake, the Raptors’ rowdy uncle/human mascot, was not in the building. He was back home in Toronto, watching the game with thousands of Raptors fans in an outdoor square. He was so excited after the win t...

Chris Broussard Gets In His Car, Loudly Defends Himself From Kevin DurantAt some point on Wednesday, as nationwide support for the meteor intensified, Fox Sports scoopster Chris Broussard balanced his phone on the dashboard of his car and defended himself from Kevin Durant’s attacks on his credibility. At the end of the day, this is about ethics in pettiness....

Drake Has Become The Rowdy Uncle Of The Raptors

“In the Six cooking with the wrist motion,” Drake rapped prophetically in 2015. “The Six” refers to Toronto’s area code. “Wrist motion” refers to the stress relief he offered Raptors coach Nick Nurse late in their Game 4 Eastern Conference Finals win....

Here Are The Best And Most Ridiculous Evil Clown Safety Alerts

At this point, “creepy clowns” have been spotted in over a dozen cities, and at least one has supposedly lightly scratched a young boy. Whether or not we’re ready to admit it, our days of being able to walk down the street dressed as an evil jester with a chainsaw are over. Clown Purge has arrived. ...

What Is The White House Hiding About Clowns? 

The clowns amongst us have organized and entered into the formal blood pact known as Clown Purge. Our streets run red with novelty foam noses. Our horny teens, too terrified to hook up in cemeteries. It’s only natural that, in these times of crisis, we look to our Commander-in-Chief for answers. And...

Look At Nick Saban, Dancin' Like A Clown

It’s recruiting season, which means it’s the one time of year when we get to relish self-serious millionaire coaches embarrassing themselves in order to scoop up the next crop of talented freshman. Take it away, Nick Saban!...

Clown Shoes Pecan Pie Porter Is A Sloppy Good Time

This past weekend, my wife and I went to a quaint highway-side resort on Cape Cod to read magazines, pretend one clam chowder tastes any different from the next, and remember that the vast majority of Americans still don't give a shit what beer they drink....