Jeff Garcia and Maurice Clarett Make America A Sadder Place

Until its inevitable death next month, the United Football League will serve as an outlet for almost-rans to continue playing despite not getting tapped into the NFL steel-cage match. That's a good thing. I guess.

You know what isn't a good thing? Seeing people like Jeff Garcia, Maurice Clarett, Ahman Green, Cato June, Brooks Bollinger and others who just can't let go hold onto a five-team Florida-to-Sacramento circuit by their fingernails for dear I-still-matter life. Sad, directionless stumblebums in sub-USFL helmets. Average league salary: $50K.

But enough bellyaching: What did hero Garcia say after last night's epic Omaha Nighthawks season-opening 27-26 win over the Hartford Colonials?!

"You talk about coming out, and obviously having not played an entire year, really wondering how things are going to go. I had a busy week. Had a baby born on Tuesday. I'm flying from coast to Midwest from coast to Midwest. Just really was a busy week, but a very grateful, thankful week. I'm very blessed with my family at home. I'll have a chance to get home tomorrow and see them, spend some time with them. What a way to cap off the week, just a great way to finish the night."

And Green?

"Why do this? It's my hometown, and I love playing football. That's really it in a nutshell. It's really a no-brainer," Green said.

They're already here.