crystal-palace - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights



Jack Wilshere Is Still Alive And Still Capable Of Hitting Beautiful Passes
Today, geriatric 25-year-old Jack Wilshere managed to avoid doing a few typical Jack Wilshere things (like getting sent off for a dumb tackle or injuring himself while charging into a dumb tackle or serving a suspension for a previous sending off in the aftermath of a dumb tackle) just long enough t...

Wilfried Zaha Has Finally Arrived
Wilfried Zaha was supposed to hit the big time five years ago. At 20 years old, the Crystal Palace striker had already racked up over 100 appearances in the English second tier, and he caught the eye of Manchester United. In 2013, the Red Devils signed him for a reported 10 million pounds....

The English Premier League Is Dumb And Ruthless
Proud Americans were disappointed last season when Bob Bradley—the coach we hoped would be the Christian Pulisic of American managers, but turned out more like the coaching game’s Julian Green—was unceremoniously ousted from his coaching position at Swansea City after only 11 matches in charge. So C...

Crystal Palace Fans Serenade Lame Duck Arsenal Boss, Beg Him To Stay With His Team<em></em>
Seven points behind fourth place (albeit with two games in hand), Arsenal really needed to win away at Crystal Palace today. Instead Andros Townsend scored a squibber, Yohan Cabaye knocked in a banger, and third-choice goalkeeper Emiliano Martinez pulled down Townsend in the box, leading to a Luka M...

Sam Allardyce Pissed Off At Watford's Mascot For Making Fun Of Player's Dive
When Sam Allardyce, fresh off bullshitting his way out of the England job, returned from his brief absence to the Premier League with Crystal Palace last week, we knew we were in store for a few things: hard-fought, defensively sound wins, Palace’s safety from relegation, and a handful of absurd pub...

Reports: BIG SAM BACK
Sky Sports and the BBC are reporting that the inevitable will soon be made official: Crystal Palace, a single day after canning Alan Pardew, will appoint former England manager (that really happened, right?) and relegation zone escape artist Sam Allardyce as their next manager....

Alan Pardew Sacked At Crystal Palace After Not Doing Jack Shit With Lots Of Money
After two years of up-and-down management of Crystal Palace (the “up” referring to his swashbuckling midseason heroism of his first few months at the club which brought the Eagles out of danger and led them to 10th place in the table, and the “down” the current campaign that has them teetering on th...

Christian Benteke Probably Made Crystal Palace Sign His Little Brother, Who Sucks
It’s often difficult for small teams to convince players at big clubs making big bucks to forgo the glory and riches of the game’s destination clubs in favor of being the star at the little team, even when said player has found himself latched to the big team’s bench. Thus small clubs must pull out ...

Manchester United Win The FA Cup, Once Again Dashing Crystal Palace's Dreams
There was a full two minutes back there—three, practically—when Crystal Palace looked as if it might pull off the greatest victory in its 110-year history. Having been outplayed till then in the FA Cup, Joel Ward put in a sort of cross just as midfielder Jason Puncheon sprinted beyond the pack. Punc...

Eagle-Punching Menace Arrested In London Suburb
The bald eagle is one of the most majestic creatures to grace our Earth, a beautiful bird that humankind has come to interpret as a symbol of freedom and defiance. According to Defenders Of Wildlife, there are some 70,000 bald eagles left in North America, which is the happy ending to a remarkable r...

Chelsea Shit The Bed Against Crystal Palace
For just the second time in 100 games under José Mourinho, Chelsea have lost at Stamford Bridge. We are just four weeks into the EPL season yet Chelsea already trail Manchester City by eight points after today’s 2-1 defeat to Crystal Palace. ...

The Uncomfortable Middle: Our 2015-16 Premier League Preview, Pt. 2
For the American sports fan, following soccer means a reorientation about what constitutes success. With the success of the top teams reinforced by Champions League appearances and an enhanced global profile, there is a virtuous cycle to being good that makes it even harder to break into the top. At...