da Page 1002 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Jerry Sandusky Worked In Happy Valley And Other Memories
Some time ago, Jerry Sandusky wrote a book about his life. At one point, I am sure it made Tim Curley and the Penn State family proud. Now? I think they'd like to forget about the whole thing. Unfortunately for them, and luckily for us, the book was published, and like most published works it requi...

Salty Notre Dame Fan Is Auctioning Off Unused Timeouts From USC Game
Get your bids in quick—this auction ends at about 8:45 pm. Following the October 22 game against USC, Brian Kelly came under a bit of fire for not using the timeouts, currently valued at $53.50, especially after USC players insinuated that the failure to call the timeouts at the end of game meant N...

Patriotic GameDay Protesters Unfurl FIRE CRAIG JAMES Banner
Math scholars will debate for centuries whether it is possible Craig James > Tebow....

The Beard Is Too Mighty For Facemasks
That's San Francisco Giants closer and Taco Bell spokespimp Brian Wilson in full LSU regalia as College GameDay's guest game-picker this morning. Lee Corso got into the beard act as well. It goes without saying his appearance in such costuming did not go over well with the crowd outside Bryant-Denny...

Penn State's AD Charged With Perjury In Child Sex Case Against Former Paterno Assistant
It was bad enough that Jerry Sandusky, the man once thought to be Joe Paterno's successor as emperor of all things Penn State, was indicted yesterday on some icky sex abuse charges involving eight boys. But now, according to an Associated Press report that said Sandusky was arrested today, there is...

Les Miles Hates The Easter Bunny
Not only that, but Bear Bryant's sporting an LSU Alumni sticker (h/t to ParadigmShift35 for it)....

Trent Richardson Is Every Synthetic Puffer's Nightmare
Signs that attempt to make phrases from ESPN are rarely clever (even when they're awesome) but this one, yet another reminder that LSU enjoys smoking fake weed, breaches the threshold....

Like Many Things In Alabama, Tide Fans Get "X > Tebow" Meme Backward
We've been monitoring Occupy Tebow all week, but the basic and most important element is that the statement features "Greater Than." Leave it up to Bama fans get it wrong....

Come Watch Football With Us Monday Night Before Mike Vick's Nude Prison Photo Scandal Ruins Everything
Or some black guy in a hat who vaguely resembles Mike Vick. Nude Mike Vick or not, it'll still be a splendid night to hang out at our new locale, the Bleecker Street bar, and watch The Dream Team battle the Chicago Bears....

Former Paterno Assistant Indicted On Charges Of "Involuntary Deviate Sexual Intercourse," Among Other Things
A "Penn State coaching legend" once considered the successor to Joe Paterno was indicted today by a grand jury on some very nasty sex abuse charges. Two years ago, Jerry Sandusky, the former defensive coordinator for the Nittany Lions, was accused of "inappropriate contact" with a teenage boy. The e...

Michael Jordan The Player Would've Hated Michael Jordan The Hardline Owner
Over at SB Nation, Tom Ziller has compiled some of Michael Jordan's contradictory views on the NBA lockout. In a meeting during the '98 lockout, for example, Jordan the player told Wizards owner Abe Pollin, "If you can't make it work economically, you should sell the team." Ziller points out that in...

Rex Ryan To Appear As Patriots Fan In Adam Sandler Movie Also Starring Vanilla Ice, Susan Sarandon
Rex Ryan will have a cameo in an Adam Sandler movie due out in 2012 called I Hate You, Dad. He'll play a Boston-area lawyer and a passionate Patriots fan, which is funny, because Rex Ryan wants to be the head coach of the Patriots actually hates the Patriots....

Cow Costume-Clad Character Continues Clowning Around College GameDay, Also There's Pot & Rape Jokes
Crowds outside Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa have been growing since ESPN set up its College GameDay camp early in preparation of Saturday night's matchup between #1 LSU and #2 Alabama. As the masses surrounding the set have swelled, they've also grown sillier and in some cases stupider. Our C...

Everyone Who Leaves The Red Sox Talks Shit On The Way Out
The 2011 Red Sox are an earth continually salted, a shitpot continually stirred. And every refugee—especially if disgruntled—has a story to tell. Today's storyteller is former strength and conditioning coach Dave Page, who was fired this week....

This Is Why You Don't Ask A Professional Athlete To Be A School "Reading Champion"
I absolutely cannot think of a better inspiration for getting schoolchildren to read than by choosing a man who got very rich without ever having read a book in his life....

Low-Budget Pitbull Imitator Produces Nauseating "Do The Mark Sanchez" Video
There aren't too many lyrics here, other than "do the Mark Sanchez," and "heart of a champion," so it's hard to dispute their words with statistical evidence. (Of note: the call-and-response here is "Who's number one?" "We number one!" But "we" could really be the Jets or the performers.) Mark San...

Even Criminal Lobbyist Jack Abramoff Lectured Dan Snyder About The Redskins Name, Likening It To "The New York Jew Boys"
Scumbag lobbyist and George Bush leg-humper Jack Abramoff has a self-serving book out called Capital Punishment: The Hard Truth About Washington Corruption From America's Most Notorious Lobbyist. In the book, which you should not buy, Abramoff details his relationship with Dan Snyder, whom Abramoff ...

ShortCenter: LSU-Alabama, Endlessly
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

