da Page 1005 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Fulham's Michael Jackson Statue Is More Frightening Than The Balloon Creatures From "The Wiz"
Fans of EPL team Fulham knew this day was coming for a little while. But, were they prepared for what greeted them at Craven Cottage today?...

We Are All Dave McKenna LVIII (Busted Piñata Head Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is smashed to bits to the point that all the pieces of Vero, Pulparindo, Pelon Pelo Rico, Duvalin and Canel's fall to the ground....

Dennis Rodman Recognizes The Importance Of Family
Your morning roundup for April 2, the day that the color starts returning to the knuckles of passengers and crew on Southwest Flight 812, the plane with a three-foot hole in its side....

We Are All Dave McKenna LVII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is close-captioned in shut the fuck up....

The Cardinals Are Pretty Much Cursed Now, Right?
Adam Wainwright needs Tommy John surgery. Now Matt Holliday is out indefinitely after an emergency appendectomy. Next Albert Pujols will sign with Chicago. (Probably.)...

Your Other Opening Day Open Thread
Aw, don't feel bad that MLB gave you a Friday game to open the season. For example, it's slightly more acceptable to booze your way through the game. We're looking at you, Phillies fans....

Last Night's Lakers-Mavs Game Got A Little Bit Brawl-y
The Lakers and the Mavs kept things interesting in one of the most under-scheduled nights of the NBA season last night: five players were ejected after a shoving match that began with Jason Terry and Steve Blake. The refs sent out two players from each team (Dallas's Terry and Brendan Haywood and ...

Crying Baby Distracts Tennis Player, Tennis Player Lobs Ball Toward Crying Baby
En route to a loss to new American No.1 Mardy Fish at the Sony Ericsson Open yesterday, Spaniard David Ferrer found himself annoying by a crying infant in the stands. Double faulting and then losing serve, he finally lost his patience: sending the ball in the general vicinity of the child....

Self-Proclaimed Jersey-Chasers Bring UNC Hoopsters To Sorority Formal, Warn Sisters First
Last night was Spring Formal for the UNC-Chapel Hill chapter of the Chi Omega sorority. And three of the lovely ladies landed as dates three of the members of the basketball team: Harrison Barnes, John Henson and Kendall Marshall....

It Took A Self-Proclaimed "Hockey Luvin Homo" To Make A Canucks-Kings Game Noteworthy
Your morning roundup for April 1, the day you are permitted to seek vengeance against anybody who you think has wronged you, with no legal ramifications whatsoever....

Here's Video Of A Lady Using Rail-Dance Spasms To Seduce A Goal From A Minor-League Hockey Game
In this video, a lady treats an ice-rink handrail like it's a pole on a stage. This seems to lead to an "awesome" Grand Rapids Griffins goal or something along those lines. The security guards apparently found this offensive. Bad form....

Former Penn State Coach Who Titled His Autobiography "Touched" Stands Accused Of Improperly Doing So
A grand jury is investigating allegations that "Penn State football legend" Jerry Sandusky indecently assaulted a 15-year-old boy over the course of a four-year period. Both Joe Paterno and Penn State Athletic Director Tim Curley were called to appear, according to the Patriot-News newspaper in cen...

Your First Night Game Of The Season Open Thread
Opening Day for 12 of 29* Major League Baseball franchises comes to a close with a Giants/Dodgers game. One team is the defending World Series Champion; the other fills some seats with gang-bangers. Facts....

Now A Grouchy Old Lesbian, Pete Rose Returned From Arsenio Hall's Rummage Sale In Time For Opening Day
Bud Selig, you've officially broken this man's spirit. Please remedy this situation and put Peter Edward Rose in the Hall of Fame before his sanity dissipates any further....

We Are All Dave McKenna LVI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is found face-down in a puddle....

Old Hoss Flipping The Bird, And More: An Opening Day Retrospective
Peter Nash, resident baseball historian and former 3rd Bass prime minister, has pulled together some Opening Day memorabilia porn for your viewing pleasure. Like this 1886 Opening Day photo from Boston featuring Old Hoss Radbourn (top left) expressing joy about having his picture taken. Dive in....

This Is A Photo Of A-Rod Holding Some Kale. You're Welcome.
Today, we give thanks to baseball for being back and to the New York Post for bringing our attention to this photo of Alex Rodriguez clutching a bundle of kale. The Post ran a story, adapted from a book called Diamond Dishes, about "the secret recipes that fuel" baseball's biggest stars. Among them:...

Your Opening Day Open Thread
It seems like just yesterday that Tim Lincecum and the Giants were donning their dong-hats as world champions, but baseball is here again, and we're so happy about it. In the early-afternoon block, we've got Tigers-Yankees, Braves-Nationals, and Brewers-Reds. Express your giddiness, joy, and/or curs...

Timing The Trots For Six Famous Home Runs; Or, Bo Jackson Will Blow Your Mind
As a Brewers fan, it's pretty common to hear from others around the NL Central that no one is worse at watching and admiring his home runs than Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun. And while I can understand where these Cards and Cubs fans are coming from, I don't completely agree. After all, I get to see...

Today's The Day Baseball Fans Everywhere Except Pittsburgh Dream Of World Series Victory
Your morning roundup for March 31, the day a Bellaire, Ohio chair mourns the obese man who sat upon it for the past two years, leaving more than skin behind....