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![Let's Spend Way Too Much Time Breaking Down An Adorable Little Girl's Quest For A Puck [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/a3zmbun0k7rt8ehrsaxu.png)
Let's Spend Way Too Much Time Breaking Down An Adorable Little Girl's Quest For A Puck [UPDATE]
On Sunday, a cute little girl sitting in the money seats at the Caps playoff game banged on the glass as Brett Connolly skated by. He noticed her and tried to flip her a puck over the glass, but a dad-person behind her caught it and handed it to the young fan beside her. She was sad. The same thing ...

23 Things I Say To My Kids Every Goddamn Spring Break<em></em>
I am a dad at all times but Spring Break is when I am, without fail, at my MOST dad. It combines all the prime elements of flustered dadding: travel, overpriced food, renting things, lines, dealing with people behind counters, frantic searches for alcohol, and such and such. It’s not so much a vacat...

Chilean Soccer Player Wins Penalty With Staggeringly Awful Dive
Meet Jean Meneses, a midfielder for Chilean first division team, Universidad de Concepción. I’m sure he’s scored some great goals and hit some beautiful passes during his career, but it will be hard to top this truly exceptional dive of his from this weekend’s match against Colo-Colo as his career-d...

Use Some Goddamn Headphones<em></em>
Here is a take for you: Wear some goddamn headphones when you watch a video in public....

One Video Of Tom Brady And His Son
One video of Tom Brady and his son, who asks to check his fantasy team, but not before he gives his Super Bowl-winning father a kiss....

The Actual Night Before Christmas<em></em>
‘Twas the night before ChristmasAnd all through the house…Not a damn thing was ready....

LeBron James Put On A Great Dad Performance
The Cleveland Cavaliers narrowly defeated the strangely and suddenly competent Chicago Bulls last night, and they were led, as usual, by LeBron James. He scored 34 points to go along with nine assists, and he also demonstrated elite dad abilities....

The USMNT Got Exactly What It Deserved
So here we are. After a shambolic qualifying campaign full of perceived nadirs, false dawns, and nearly constant disappointment, the USMNT has finished behind Mexico and Costa Rica and Panama and Honduras in the hexagonal table. The U.S. fell to Trinidad & Tobago last night, and will not compete in ...

Trinidad And Tobago's Golazo Adds To American Frustration
All the USMNT needed tonight was some sort of result in order to get peace of mind and guarantee World Cup qualification, but an own goal from Omar Gonzalez, and then, a stunning long-distance golazo from Trinidad & Tobago’s Alvin Jones has put the Americans down 2-0 at half....

The USMNT's World Cup Qualifier Might Be A Little Underwater
The U.S. Men’s National Team can all but clinch a place in the 2018 World Cup with any sort of result at Trinidad and Tobago on Tuesday evening. Except: It’s now looking kind of questionable whether the match will be able to be played. The pitch at Ato Boldon Stadium in Couva is sodden and in places...

Egypt Qualify For The World Cup And No One Is Happier Than This Sweet Old Dad
Mohamed Salah was Egypt’s hero yesterday, scoring twice in a 2-1 win over Congo that officially stamped the Egyptians’ tickets to next summer’s World Cup. This is just the third time Egypt have ever qualified for the World Cup, and will be their first one since 1990. Hence why this cute old man melt...

Fuck Sports Bottles<em></em>
I thought I was done. My kids were no longer babies, which meant no more formula, which meant no more time laboring at the sink, hand-washing 90 separate Dr. Brown’s bottle parts and leaving them soaking on a dishtowel to dry. That part of my life, as far as I was concerned, was over....

Gareth Bale's Still Got It
It’s more than a little insane to think that Gareth Bale—after four seasons at Real Madrid in which he has played 150 matches and amassed a mind-boggling combined 118 goals and assists, in that time asserting himself as a perennial top 10 player in the world with an unrivaled combination of speed an...

Frisbee Dad Fuckin' Aces It
“Dad, I don’t give a shit about this.” Wrong!...

Real-Life Father Neil Walker Learns That Fans Call Him Daddy: "I Guess I'm Flattered"
Daddy is a “slang term of affection used to address a male authority figure or idol in a sexualized manner,” according to Know Your Meme. Daddy is “meant to communicate respect/adoration to a male authority figure” with a “sexual tinge,” according to the Washington Post’s Memesplainer. Daddy is NOT ...

Fallen Wonderteen Adnan Januzaj Leaves Manchester United
On Wednesday, with little fanfare, Manchester United sent Adnan Januzaj to La Liga’s Real Sociedad, only getting 8 million pounds in return for the 22-year-old winger....

LeBron James Has Gone Full Vacation Dad
If you’ve ever been on a vacation at a tropical resort, you’ve seen a Vacation Dad. He’s the guy who is sitting alone at the poolside bar, a little buzzed, smoking his annual cigar—he was sent to the bar by his wife who didn’t want him smoking that crap around her—really enjoying the music, and eage...

Finish Your Food Before You Serve It
It’s the smallest thing, really. Maybe you already do it! But maybe you do not already do it, and you have wondered why the food you cook always seems underwhelming. Probably there are lots of reasons why the food you cook always seems underwhelming, not least among them your pathological inability ...

Dig A Hole At The Beach
I’ve been taking my kids to the beach for years now and in that time we have brought along any number of cumbersome, worthless beach toys: bulldozers and rakes and sand trowels and bad frisbees and this little wheel thingie where you put water in the top and it makes the wheel go spin-spin. I have c...

De'Aaron Fox's Dad Isn't Having Any Of LaVar Ball's Bullshit
De’Aaron Fox will almost certainly be a top-five pick in Thursday night’s NBA draft, although this draft is silly with point guards and he will likely be the third lead guard selected. It’s inevitable that Fox will be judged alongside Markelle Fultz, Lonzo Ball, and Frank Ntilikina as this class of ...