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My Dad Was The Maxell "Blown Away Guy," Even If I Can't Prove It
When I was little, I was convinced my dad was the Blown Away Guy. I was sure that was my dad’s martini swept up in the audio tempest, my dad’s tie thrashing behind him. The lush-haired guy in that ’80s-dominating ad for Maxell cassettes getting blasted by the music blasting from a pair of JBL speake...
The Best And Worst Of Dr. Seuss
I read a lot of children’s books. Some are terrible, many are decent, and a few are truly wonderful. Most authors don’t have the staying power to slot multiple entries in all three categories while achieving worldwide fame and fortune; in fact, Dr. Seuss is the only one that comes to mind....
Here Are 14 Things You Will Say To Your Kids A Million Goddamn Times
I have three kids. They don’t fucking listen. One day, God as my witness, they will listen. They will stop, turn around, not talk for five seconds, and say to me, “Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Dad!” I swear it will happen. I will destroy entire countries if I have to make it s...
![Fight Between Bad Softball Dads Ends In Blood [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1343405192833485859.jpg)
Fight Between Bad Softball Dads Ends In Blood [Update]
We don’t really have much context for this video. According to the person who sent it to us, it took place before or after a girl’s softball game in Maryland, and the pre-fight argument seems to have something to do with one man’s daughter being kicked off the team. Anyway, these are very bad dads! ...
My Dad's Terrible Child-Care Activities, Ranked
School is out. What the hell are we going to do with these kids? Camps cost a fortune. Sports leagues are a pain in the ass. And who wants to stare at another listless, self-aware gorilla at the zoo? What a downer!...
Children’s Ages, Ranked
I think it’s about time we started previewing some shitty NFL teams, no? That’s right: The WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS series boots up again this month, which is good, because these teams are suckier than ever. If you wanna send in a rant about why your team sucks (emphasis on YOUR team … don’t send me some...
Oh God, What Is Croup, Does My Kid Have It, Oh God Oh God Oh God
Parenting a small child means, of course, doubling the number of people whose well being is your responsibility. This can be difficult, for a Wearer Of A Garbage Bag Because You Forgot To Buy Laundry Soap For The 27th Consecutive Week—for someone who has arrived, mostly by accident, deep in the swam...
Father's Day Gifts, Ranked
Hey, Father’s Day is on Sunday! Wait, you are saying, suddenly even more sweaty, confused, and anachronistic than usual—aren’t we in April? Aren’t we in April of 2013? No, we are not in April of 2013. We are in June of ... [fumbles with phone for five embarrassing minutes] oh, wow, 2015! that’s bana...
Raising Your Kids To Be Cleveland Sports Fans Is An Act Of Cruelty
Last night, I knew how it was going to end before Game 6 even began. I’m from northeast Ohio....
Cleancast: I'd Rather Walk Through Fire Than Step On A Lego
My guest this week on the official Ask a Clean Person podcast is Blair Koenig, the writer and humorist behind the blog STFU, Parents and author of the book STFU, Parents: The Jaw-Dropping, Self-Indulgent, and Occasionally Rage-Inducing World of Parent Overshare. She joined me to talk all about paren...
Ayesha Curry On Parenting A Viral Sports Baby: Let Her Live
Riley Curry, who remains the top sports baby in the game, has now stolen the show at multiple NBA postgame press conferences, up on the podium addressing her fans and upstaging her MVP father, Steph, much to the chagrin of some dumb idiot heartless man-babies and the delight of other (i.e., normal a...
Suburban Northern Virginians' 46 Worst Fears
Yesterday, a New York City man accidentally dropped his keys through a sidewalk subway grate, then fell to the bottom of the shaft when he tried to retrieve them, thus experiencing in short order at least two common fears of city life. In response, The Awl and Gothamist compiled lists of every New Y...
Stay-At-Home Dads Of The World, Unite!
We are a vast, disconnected, sleep-deprived sleeper cell. We are everywhere you look, hiding in plain sight, picking out the just-ripe mangoes at the grocery store or pushing our swinging kids at the playground. We kiss boo-boos, braid hair, and fix the kitchen faucet. Call us Mr. Moms, stay-at-home...
A Semi-Competent Father's Guide To Volunteering At Your Kid's School
One of the best parts of being a dad in public is the generalized expectation that you are basically a greased-up Kevin James playing banana-cream-pie Jenga with the Queen Mum. Remember those early solo outings with your baby and the generously low bar that you were held to? Doors held open, the faw...
The Anarchist Of Summer: A D.C. Rabble Rouser Returns To Baseball
Adam Eidinger has gone right at City Hall, the Republican and Democratic Parties, the war machine, the World Bank, the DEA, countless developers, and, most famously, Major League Baseball. His fights tend to end with him getting his ass kicked—and not just figuratively. ...
April Fool’s Day, As Orchestrated By My 9-Year-Old
1. I wake up and walk downstairs....
Challenge: Remain Emotionless While Watching This Ron Hunter Clip
Georgia State coach Ron Hunter wasn't able to lead his team past Xavier tonight, but he won't be quickly forgotten. Nor will his weepy opening statement in the postgame presser, which we challenge you to watch without becoming emotional yourself....
My Beloved Stuffed Animal Needs A Bath, And I'm A Nervous Wreck
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Daylight Savings Should Be Made Permanent
You know what was awesome? Yesterday. Yesterday was the first Daylight Savings day of the year, and the first Daylight Savings day of the year always feels like someone released you from a Siberian prison. The sun shone gold upon the melting snow. Children frolicked out on the street. Neighbors...
2 Chainz Is A Good Instagram Dad
So 2 Chainz is a rapper who changed his name from Tity Boi to be more family-friendly. Which is funny, and also not all that weird, when you think about both how much he wants to sell records and how much he loves his two daughters, Heaven and Harmony. If Instagram counted in real life, the Atlanta ...