I never threaten to turn the car around. That’s a cliché and an empty threat, but more important it offends my sensibilities as a father. I will never turn the car around and sacrifice the time I’ve made. Ever. We could accidentally leave grandma’s heart meds back at the house and I’m still not going back. FUCK IT…
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours.
I was not born or raised in the D.C. area but all of my children were, and so I felt it was my solemn duty as a Good Sports Dad to take them downtown for the Capitals’ Stanley Cup parade, the first major title parade to take place here in nearly three decades. This was a celebration that was unprecedented in scope…
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke.
I am a dad at all times but Spring Break is when I am, without fail, at my MOST dad. It combines all the prime elements of flustered dadding: travel, overpriced food, renting things, lines, dealing with people behind counters, frantic searches for alcohol, and such and such. It’s not so much a vacation as it is a…
Here is a take for you: Wear some goddamn headphones when you watch a video in public.
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house…
Not a damn thing was ready.
I thought I was done. My kids were no longer babies, which meant no more formula, which meant no more time laboring at the sink, hand-washing 90 separate Dr. Brown’s bottle parts and leaving them soaking on a dishtowel to dry. That part of my life, as far as I was concerned, was over.
It’s the smallest thing, really. Maybe you already do it! But maybe you do not already do it, and you have wondered why the food you cook always seems underwhelming. Probably there are lots of reasons why the food you cook always seems underwhelming, not least among them your pathological inability to value anything…
I’ve been taking my kids to the beach for years now and in that time we have brought along any number of cumbersome, worthless beach toys: bulldozers and rakes and sand trowels and bad frisbees and this little wheel thingie where you put water in the top and it makes the wheel go spin-spin. I have carried these toys…
When I was a young kid we knew all the names of pretty much everybody in our whole little neighborhood. The kids were a pack; in the summer, when your parents kicked you out of the house after breakfast—everybody did this—you just found the other kids and skulked around until somebody came up with something to do.…
I own a house and the thing about home ownership is that it is a lifetime project. At any given moment, there is something about the house that needs addressing. There is always a PROJECT, and some homeowners like having such projects. They like to constantly spruce things up and tend to the landscaping and nurture…
Every year I look forward to summer before remembering that summer is, in fact, hell. There are bugs. There is swampass. There are bored children punching each other for sport. And there is suntan lotion. Ohhhhhh, suntan lotion. Oh how I DESPISE you with a concentrated fury. Is there a more necessary evil in this…
Tony Reali, the host of ESPN’s Around the Horn, always wanted to be a dad: “I wanted a whole team of kids. I’ve said this to everyone with ears.” So when he experienced what he called an attack of postpartum anxiety one Sunday afternoon in September 2015 when he was home alone with his one-year-old daughter,…
One of the many outlandish claims that Lonzo Ball’s dad LaVar made on his recent press tour to proclaim the supreme basketball ability of his three sons was that his kids were set up for success in the NBA more than LeBron’s two sons. Specifically, Ball said that LeBron’s sons aren’t primed for NBA success the way…
Historically black colleges and universities (HBCUs) are “real pioneers when it comes to school choice,” according to a statement by Education Secretary Betsy DeVos. Also, I’m going to pull my head off and punt it into a bog.
It’s Friday afternoon. That’s the big window in the living room of the forest cabin that my family and I moved into a little over a week ago. It’s nice. I sit in that chair on the right side and do blogs. I’m sitting in that chair right now!
Don’t. What the fuck is wrong with you?
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