daily-closer Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dysfunctional Relationship Between Bonds, Road Fans, Resumes
Well, if Barry can't break Hank's home run record at home, it might as well be his home-away-from-home, amongst his good friends at Dodger Stadium. Hey! Who threw that Dodger Dog? Actually, I'm interested to see what the reaction will be at Chavez Ravine this week, as the Giants begin a series there...
Santana Fumbles With Indians' Bra-Strap
Twins ace Johan Santana flirted with a no-no into the sixth, until Indians pretty boy Grady Sizemore turned on the lights and told him, "Um, you should probably get going now, Johan." (Grady hit a double.) Damn cock tease. Final score: Twins 3, Indians 2....
One Swing From History
Whoa, boy! I'm starting to get all antsy ... Barry Bonds hit his 754th career homerun — a first inning solo shot in a Giants 12-10 win over the Marlins last night— leaving him just one shy of tying Hank Aaron's record....
The Ballad Of Manny And Lefty
Well, it was bound to happen ... a columnist has mentioned "Boston Red Sox" and "Phil Mickelson" in the same sentence. Send all brickbats, white-powdered missives and death curses to Michael Ventre, who went ahead and declared the Red Sox "The Phil Mickelson of baseball." Wow....
Fausto, Sans Devil, Beats Beckett
Faustus is Latin for "auspicious" ... so Fausto must mean the same thing, maybe? My spanish is not adequate. Remember when the Indians wanted to make Fausto Carmona a closer? Oh, those wacky coaches. The last time Carmona faced the Red Sox — last season — he blew two consecutive save opportunities. ...
Dice-K And The Red Sox: Part Of This Complete Breakfast
The resignation on Bud Selig's face, and the fact that he's packed his giant swimming trunks, must mean that he's given in and will follow Barry Bonds around for a month or so until Hank's record is broken. So with that crisis solved, we can turn our attention to happier things ... super, terrific f...
Some Inspiring News For A Change, OK?
Forgive me for skipping the lovefest that is Bonds vs. Aaron today (no homers, Giants lose to Braves if you must know). All things being equal, I would have much rather attended Boston's 6-2 win over the Indians at Jacobs Field, because Jon Lester started for the Sox, went six innings and earned the...
Bonds Planning To Break Aaron's Record In Private, Backyard Ceremony
Our story so far: Barry Bonds is two home runs away from tying Hank Aaron's career home run record, a situation which makes the lightning bolt scar on my forehead throb and burn like fire, but that's beside the point. Bonds sat out Sunday's game in Milwaukee, which the Brewers won 7-5. Meanwhile, Bu...
Confirmed Family Man Is Having a Good Weekend
Alex Rodriguez tallied his 497th career homerun during a day/night doubleheader curb-stomping of those pesky D-Rays. The Yankees one won the first game by four runs, a fairly respectable margin. Once the sun went down shit got ugly—17-5 ugly. Luis Vizcaino got the win in both games and Shelley Dunca...
My VORP Is Phenomenal
Everything was clicking in Boston last night and Terry Francona's jaw was no exception. The Red Sox pounded Chicago 10-3 despite a botched (non) homerun call by the umpires leading to Francona's righteous ejection. The Red Sox were led by another dominant performance by Josh Beckett. He struck out t...
No Time For Pitchers
If this is a preview of the NLCS (sorry, Central Division! A fruit basket is on its way), we don't plan to miss a single game. Tom Glavine (he's still stuck at 299 career wins) and Derek Lowe both stunk, which is always fun, because the Mets and Dodgers combined for 35 hits in a 13-9 win by New York...
Beware The Tempest That Is The Chicago Cubs
Hey, thanks for reviving me; those smelling salts really did the trick. If you hadn't come along when you did, I would have missed my bus. It's just that something I heard a few minutes ago really shocked me, and I went down like a carp. Passed right out. Yep, just two little sentences, uttered in t...
The Duke Can Beat You In Many, Many Ways
I admit to being no huge fan of the designated hitter rule. I like that fact that there is at least one pronounced difference between the leagues, but baseball is all about my nine vs. your nine ... and that includes the lazy-ass pitcher (I'm talking about you, Clemens). If the NL had the DH, then w...
Phillies Get Started On The Next 10,000
I think we all remember the halcyon days of April 1883; a simpler time, when Chester Allen Arthur was President, the Brooklyn Bridge had just opened and the Philadelphia Phillies franchise had no losses whatsoever....
The Matchup You've Waited For: Bonds Vs. Laundry Cart
We take you now to the Giants' clubhouse at Dodger Stadium, where Barry Bonds has a few words about his second straight 0-for-5 performance in a 5-3 loss to the Dodgers: "It's an embarrassment for me to be wearing this (expletive deleted) uniform 'cause of the way I'm playing. There, that's it. Now ...
Bullets And Baseball
Notes on Saturday's games in Major League Baseball ......
A-Rod Would Really Prefer A Smaller Market, And Less Cash
The second half of the season has already begun to delight me: I got to laugh myself silly over Bay Area broadcaster Ted Robinson's speculation that Alex Rodriguez would be signing with the Giants for 2008. Sure, the Giants would love a second shot at one of their players breaking the all-time caree...
The Wind Was Angry That Day, My Friends
"Help! The infield tarp has got me!" If you heard those words, what would you do? The host Colorado Rockies cowered in their dugout, but the Phillies' Shane Victorino is made of stronger stuff. Hearing the panicky cries of Rockies groundskeeper Keros Johnson, who was trapped in the middle of a wind-...
They Were The Games That Never End, Yes They Went On And On My Friend
Omigod, We're Gonna Be Here Forever. It's now time to discuss universal differences between men and their girlfriends regarding extra innings. When the game spills into the 10th inning, guys are usually excited that they are watching extra baseball for free. The girlfriends, meanwhile, are just tick...
It's A Football Score! Get It?
Guys, We Were Closer When We Gave Up 20 Runs. Go ahead. Make the joke. "It's a football score!" Haw haw haw! Because, see, 20-14 is the kind of final score you might see in an NFL game. But you never hear the joke "Wow, maybe they were playing lacrosse!" Or, "Golly, looks like he should have hit on ...