damn - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Euro 2021: Can Poland rise to meet Robert Lewandowski?
No. What’re you, new? No one rises to the level of Robert Lewandowski. It’s Robert Goddamn Lewandowski. Dude just scored 40 goals in one league season, which is utterly insane. That’s after he scored 34 last year. Seventy-four motherfucking goals in two seasons in just the Bundesliga. That’s four se...
Signing Andy Goddamn Dalton is the most Bears move ever
Fuck my entire life....
Fulham Return To Premier League With a Goal From Narnia
The Championship Playoff Final is often labeled “The Richest Match In The World.” Because it is. The winner gets promoted to the Premier League, and along with it the aircraft carrier of TV money, increased ticket prices, uptick in merchandise, and everything else. It is estimated that winning the g...
The Great Wonder Of The NFL Is Ben Roethlisberger's Dreadfully Large Head
The Steelers got their asses kicked in by the Patriots last night, and you only need to take one look at Ben Roethlisberger’s big dumb head to understand just how poorly the game went for his team....
Fuck The Swear Police
Today, we’re talking about remakes, pelicans, the drug store, assholes by position, and more....
Tennis Player Cramps, Pukes, Perseveres, Cramps Again, Withdraws Due To All Of The Above
Alex Lebedev, a successful college tennis player at Notre Dame, is now working his way into the pro ranks by competing in ITF and ATP Challenger events. This week the 22-year-old was attempting to qualify for the Challenger in Lexington, Kentucky, which broiled at a high of 89 degrees on Monday. It ...
Pete Alonso's Charming "English Muffin" Quote, Like Most Precious Things In Life, Was A Sham
Before Mets slugger Pete Alonso participated in the Home Run Derby during the all-star break, he earned a little moment with this seemingly off-the-cuff quip: “It doesn’t matter how much jelly you have in the jar, it’s about how you spread it on your English muffin.” That’s funny. Well, guess what? ...
Un-Fucking-Real
He was finished. He was disgraced, hobbled, and eaten alive by the ravages of both fame and time. His story was over; it was simply a matter how clumsily it would end and how long it would take for that end to finally arrive....
Jordan Hicks Threw The Season's Two Fastest Pitches
Reliever Jordan Hicks, who plays for some crummy team, threw record-setting gas Tuesday night against White Sox shortstop Tim Anderson. Five of the six pitches in that plate appearance were above 101 mph, and the pitch at the top of this post came in at 102.0 mph, the fastest this season. Anderson c...
The Name Of Tristan Thompson And Khloé Kardashian's Daughter Is A Synonym For "Genuine"
Khloé Kardashian has revealed the name of her and Tristan Thompson’s newborn daughter: True. It’s true, her name is True. True Thompson....
Look At This Stupid Baby<em></em>
Here we have President Diaper, a fussy young infant who rarely sleeps through the night uninterrupted—and is known to be quite a handful during the daytime as well!—forced to listen for an agonizing 58 seconds as the governor of Washington state explains why arming teachers is a bad idea....
HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT REALLY HAPPENED<em></em>
I scared the shit out of my kids. They had already been subjected to three hours of me clapping and yelling and screaming at the TV, bearing witness to an utterly deranged side of their father that they almost certainly would have preferred to never learn about. I sat. I stood. I paced. No position ...