Pete Alonso's Charming "English Muffin" Quote, Like Most Precious Things In Life, Was A Sham

Before Mets slugger Pete Alonso participated in the Home Run Derby during the all-star break, he earned a little moment with this seemingly off-the-cuff quip: “It doesn’t matter how much jelly you have in the jar, it’s about how you spread it on your English muffin.” That’s funny. Well, guess what? That shit came from one of Jimmy Fallon’s writers!

For about a week now, I thought Alonso was a clever guy, full of aphorisms to complement his dinger-bashing strength, or maybe possessed by the ghost of Yogi Berra at opportune moments. Now the truth comes out: His pearl of wisdom came courtesy of the second-funniest Jimmy in late night. (Fallon is tied at second with Jimmy Kimmel. The first-place spot is empty.) A bunch of players were in on this gag, but only Alonso’s quote got any significant traction.

Piss off, Jimmy Fallon!