dea Page 393 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Atletico Junior Owl Is Gone, But His Memory Soars With Us Siempre
When owls die, they usually die peacefully, like round-headed noble angels. Except this owl, which miraculously withstood being pelted by a soccer ball, then a cleat to the torso, before it finally died on a cold gurney surrounded by men in scrubs frantically yanking on its wings. We say farewell....

How Roger Ebert And Charlie Sheen Will Help You Overcome Your Fear Of Death
Let's get right to your letters. I'm full of tiger blood....

The First Look At The Mustachioed Mopper From Texas
Your morning roundup for March 1, the day Charlie Sheen rode a mercury surfboard on the media tsunami....

Reporter With Giant Balls Breaks Up Street Fight
Gonzo journalism at its finest, as Seattle reporter Shomari Stone stumbles across the beginning of a fight on Seattle's waterfront as he's filming his standup. Stone jumps in and stops the fight, something that pansy Murrow never would have done....

The Unique Challenge Of The NHL Trade Deadline: Twitter Impostors
The deadline is minutes away, but already the NHL has seen some major movement: Brad Richards to the Leafs, Marty Reasoner to the Canucks, Dustin Penner to the Canadiens...oh wait, none of those moves actually happened. They were all reported by fake Twitter accounts impersonating hockey writers, an...

Donald Sterling Wants You To Know He Cares About Black People
Here's your morning roundup for Feb. 28, the day an ESPN cameraman may have lost a job....

Pizza Shop Bandit Leaves Hansel-And-Gretel Trail Of Sauce, Chips
And they knew him by the trail of Doritos and pizza sauce. They, being the Ventura County Sheriff's Department. Him, being Taylor Christopher Jackson who allegedly broke into a Domino's pizzeria in Ojai, Cal. But how did they know?...

Rip Hamilton Yelled At Coach John Kuester So Hard The Younger Pistons Were Mortified
Your morning roundup for Feb. 27, the day that Earth's show-business sect finally recognizes all that Queen Amidala of Naboo has done for them, and for all the rebellion....

We Are All Dave McKenna XXIII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit dissipates like any financial worry No. 23 DeAngelo Hall had when Danny Boy signed him to a six-year, $54 million deal in 2009....

The Detroit Pistons Went With A Malcontent-Free Six-Man Roster Last Night
Your morning roundup for Feb. 26, the day San Francisco starts looking for messages in the snow....

Voodoo Sex Ritual Starts Fire? Voodoo Sex Ritual Starts Fire.
Flatbush, Brooklyn. A woman in need of luck. A holy man in need of $300. Voodoo sex ritual....

Your Filth-Laden Deadspin Oscar Preview
Did you know one of the nominated movies on Sunday night is a disgusting Greek film that features hardcore incest? I did not. That's why I roped in Leitch to do a drive-by Deadcast previewing this year's ceremony, which is sure to be boring and stupid and contain any number of needless musical inter...

Cockblocked By Phish!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Pacman Jones Wears A Neck Brace To Court, Has His "Life In Order," Gets A Year Probation
Your morning roundup for Feb. 25, the day you can feel safer because the Army may have used mind-control ops to persuade U.S. Senators to throw more war-bucks and war-flesh their way....

Verizon Wireless Store Employees Are The Devil’s Afterbirth
Yesterday I had to go to a Verizon Wireless store to get the numbers from my old phone transferred over to a phone I had just purchased. (Not an iPhone. Fuck you for owning one, Mr. I Can Afford A Data Plan.) And after 15 minutes in that fucking store, I can now say, without hyperbole, that Verizon ...

Baron Davis Traded To Cleveland, Some 2,300 Miles Away From Donald Sterling's Taunts
Clippers guard Baron Davis, who has averaged 12.8 points and 7 assists this season — with some credit due to Blake Griffin's ability to finish close to the basket — is headed to Cleveland, along with a first-round draft pick. The Cavs are sending Mo Williams and Jamario Moon. Davis, who is nursing a...

They Called The Cops On UTEP Coach Tim Floyd Last Night
Your morning roundup for Feb. 24, the day Edward James Olmos turns 63....

"You Have To Accept My Pain": An Interview With Dave Duerson Three Months Before His Suicide
On Nov. 27, I spent an hour on the phone with former Pro Bowl defensive back Dave Duerson. It had been seven years since his mother's death and 364 days since his father's burial, and the following day he would celebrate his 50th birthday. Less than three months later, he sent some text messages to ...

Caltech Basketball Win Raises Record To 1-310 In Last 311 Conference Games
Your morning roundup for Feb. 23, the day Rahm Emanuel starts cursing at the phrase "staggering unfunded pension liabilities."...

Here's How The Pizza Lady Saved The 82-Year-Old Who Ordered A Large Thin-Crust Pepperoni And Two Diet Cokes Every Day
The fact that Jean Wilson predictably called a Domino's Pizza daily is thought-provoking in and of itself. The fact that driver Susan Guy noticed when she didn't call is downright cool....