deadcast Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Bonus Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
Hello again. Earlier this week we all gathered round the wassail to roast the goofiest items in this year’s Williams-Sonoma catalog. HOWEVER, it was a really thick catalog this year, and there simply wasn’t enough room in print for EVERY ridiculous item featured. Especially the champagne saber. So, ...
The Russian Olympic Sanctions Are A Hilarious Shitshow Of Hypocrisy<em></em>
Earlier this week the IOC banned Russia from the 2018 Olympics, but only in symbolism. The athletes will still be able to compete, only they’ll essentially be private label athletes who represent the Olympic Ideal instead of the world’s No. 1 kleptocracy (with America fast closing in!). And while Ru...
What’s On Your Thanksgiving Menu?<em></em>
Thanksgiving is tomorrow and so we have decided to treat you to a very special Thanksgiving DEADCAST that is about food and only food. Turkey! Mashed tubers! Stuffin’! Other KINDS of stuffin’! Yes, we here enjoy gorging on food both literally AND conversationally, so let’s do that. And if you’re a g...
I Can’t Get Enough Of The Stupid NFL Pizza Wars<em></em>
Earlier this week the Papa John’s Twitter account, which apparently thinks it is a real person, bravely denounced Nazis who might enjoy its product and apologized for dipping their garlicky, ranchy toes into the middle of an NFL civil war. And while I love it when a brand publicly steps on its own n...
One Year After The Election, We Still Wanna Die
Yesterday marked the anniversary of Donald Trump’s election victory and despite the encouraging gains made by Democrats the other night in down-ballot races, particularly in Virginia, filthy liberals like me are still, uh, not exactly soothed to have a ignorant bag of Velveeta in charge of things. I...
Was Duane Brown Traded Out Of Spite?<em></em>
Of all the batshit moves made (and not made, if you’re Cleveland) at the shockingly active close of the NFL’s trade deadline, the one that will probably have the greatest impact on this year’s playoff race was Houston sending franchise LT Duane Brown to Seattle for draft picks....
Will 60-Year-Old LeBron Still Be Able To Dunk?
How long will LeBron James still be able to dunk? How many old people can dunk? How many people have died while dunking? My friends, this is but one subject in this week’s Deadcast....
The NBA Is Not A Cause<em></em>
The NBA returned this week, and while I periodically enjoy a glance at regular season basketball here and there, as any sane man would, basketbloggers treated that shit like First Contact happening on Christmas. Given the evils of the NFL, it’s very very easy to cast the NBA in a heroic light. It’s ...
What Is The Worst Store?<em></em>
As you know, shopping is a migraine. It is a brutal conglomeration of terrible parking spots, high prices, slow-moving old people, heavy bags, and shoddy merchandise. But which store is the worst of them all? Which store—and we’re talking about any store that sells any type of good—is the one that b...
Boat People Vs. Horse People: Who’s Worse?
Today’s DEADCAST brings you a battle of true rich asshole pursuits. It is time to slip on our docksiders and grab a riding crop and ask you, fair reader, who is worse: horse people, or boat people? That is the dilemma of our age, and it is the vital locus of our discussion....
The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The MLB Playoffs<em></em>
Hey, it’s finally baseball season! Pitchers pitchin’! Catchers catchin’! Bats crackin’! Batters scratchin’! Now I know every loves a little taste of summer training, but now they start playing games that count! [Mel Allen voice] How about that?...
Why Are Video Games So Goddamn Hard To Make?<em></em>
I am the kind of ungrateful video game consumer who will instantly write off a game if it has just a single, microscopic bug within it. “Whoa hey, the picture just skipped a frame! What kinda of fat slovenly losers designed this piece of shit?!” Of course, the reality is that making a video game, ev...
Trump Never Paid For Charlottesville<em></em>
Now that true dumb fuck Sarah Sanders has chimed in on Jemele Hill on behalf of the White House and demanded her ouster, we are about to enter a new and insufferable acceleration of a “scandal” that involves one sportscaster daring to state the obvious. Already, Hill has tweeted out an apology that ...
What Is The Best Midnight Snack?<em></em>
Technically, no one should eat midnight snacks because anything you eat right before bed will go right to your ass. But sometimes you’re drunk and there’s a pint of ice cream calling you, and nature must take its course. But what is the BEST dining option for when you are up late, and less than sobe...
The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The Top 25<em></em>
Folks, college football is BACK this Saturday. True, the college season starts with its usual slate of underwhelming matchups featuring ninth-place Mountain West teams, but still: FOOTBALL! I think this calls for a celebration, don’t you? In fact, I think this calls for a roast of every despicable, ...
How Long Would The NFL Suspend You For A Nazi Salute?
Roger Goodell is back in full Ginger Hammer mode this preseason, suspending Ezekiel Elliott for six games and inciting a war with the NFLPA and the Cowboys that’s only going to get uglier. Now, you already know that the NFL is a veritable slot machine when it comes to doling out punishment for playe...
Is This NFL Season Doomed Before It Even Begins?<em></em>
We’re only in the first week of preseason and already there have been roughly seven billion injuries across NFL training camps. The poor Dolphins had to coax fat Jay Cutler out of retirement. Are we in for yet another year of decimated rosters and subpar primetime matchups? That’s the subject of thi...
The Cowboys Are Fucking Up Everything<em></em>
Last night Adam Schefter reported that—surprise, surprise—there is still no timetable for the NFL wrapping up the Zeke Elliott investigation. The entire thing has been a clusterfuck, from Jerry Jones publicly insisting that Elliott will (nay, should) be cleared, to Roger Goodell privately distancing...
Phil Mushnick Is Being A Crotchety Old Penis Again
It’s the Dead Zone of the summer sports calendar, and I am on the verge of dying from physiological lack of hot sports action. Thankfully, there is man out there who the IRON NUTSACK to throw down the kind of C4-tipped bazooka take that can carry you and I through the purgatory of late July. That ma...
What Is The Most Mentally Grueling Sport, And Why Is It Not Tennis?<em></em>
Last week our own Laura Wagner declared tennis to be the most mentally grueling of all sports, which greatly incensed the rest of us on staff who have borne witness to professional tennis players being tended to by an army of small child servants during matches. So what IS the most mentally grueling...