deadspin-2016 Page 11 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
CNN Makes Charles Barkley Talk Politics To Promote Debate; Chuck Trashes "Awful" CNN
CNN is the home of next week’s Republican debate, and tonight’s ever-encroaching instance of corporate synergy found Turner’s Charles Barkley being forced, hostage-proof-of-life style, to talk politics. And talk he did, slamming Donald Trump and trashing CNN—saying the network has “done an awful job...
Muslim Sports Heroes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar And Muhammad Ali Condemn Donald Trump
A flopped-over traffic cone named Donald Trump who is uncomfortably close to controlling America’s nuclear arsenal has spent the last several days whipping up a xenophobic frenzy against Muslims, and among other things expressed bafflement at the possibility that there existed Muslim sports heroes....
Donald Trump Wants To Know If There Are Any Muslim Athletes
In a televised speech last night, United States President Barack Obama mentioned that many of our greatest athletes are Muslim. This caused Donald Trump, a fascist golem made of flypaper, to be like, “What Muslims?!?!”...
Bobby Jindal, Obsequious Twerp, Simpers The Fuck Out
Bobby Jindal will no longer pursue the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. He also will not pursue Alpha Centauri, or growing a second head out of his left shoulder, or the Elder Wand. Dogs will not shoot lasers from their eyes. The sun will not be a showerhead that sprays grapefruit juice. Man...
The Only Rule Is Refusal: A Song For Rand Paul
By the end of last night’s debate, Rand Paul had been reduced to smirking and reciting the Real Fiscal Conservatism rulebook—You can’t spend trillions on the military and be a real conservative, so are you a real conservative?—like a five-year-old who’d caught a playmate in the irreconcilable though...
Larry David Makes <i>SNL</i> Return To Play Bernie Sanders Again
Cranky human Larry David reprised his role of a lifetime on Saturday Night Live tonight, and since you enjoyed his turn as Vermont senator and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders last time, we’ll let you argue about how great/awful his impression is down there in the comments again....
Big Fat Fabulist Ben Carson's West Point Story Is Bogus
Republican presidential candidate and hip-hop impresario Ben Carson is full of beans. Possibly he is as much as 82-percent beans! His tales of youthful violence keep changing, his Mannatech disavowal was bogus on its face, and now his story of receiving a full scholarship to the U.S. Military Academ...
A More Honest Version Of Ben Carson's Rap Campaign Ad
As we noted earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson has a rap campaign ad. We found the ad lacking a bit in some of the neurosurgeon’s more intellectual observations, though, and so we made him a new version....
Ben Carson Made A Rap Song For The Blacks
With the 2016 election now just a year away, presidential campaigns are finally getting down to serious business. As Barack Hussein Obama proved seven years back, there are oodles of black people in this country, and some even vote. The blacks are a valuable constituency, so it behooves each preside...
VOTE MARV BUSH 2016
It has been a lousy month for Jeb Bush, gang. He’s running out of cash. His polls numbers are in the shitter. He spends a lot of time now tending to his email. And he appears to be publicly melting into a puddle of tepid lip-sweat before our very eyes, if this tweet is to be believed....
Sad Jeb Bush Is Just Sitting Up At Night, Waiting To Chat About Football With You
Jeb Bush, the former frontrunner for the Republican Presidential nomination, may have finally hit rock bottom. Fresh off his piss-baby performance at the last debate, Jeb has now transformed into your sad uncle who just wishes that he heard from the kids more often....
Larry Lessig Was Running For President, Now Isn't
Larry Lessig is a Harvard professor, campaign finance reform activist, and attorney; he is not seeking the Democratic nomination to the 2016 presidential election. That last bit is new, as of yesterday: He was seeking the nomination before that—didn’t you know?—and now he is not. Baby shoes, never w...
Mike Huckabee Goes "Hunting"
On the sweltering plains of humanity’s early days, pre-industrial tribesmen acquired rich animal protein for their diets via persistence hunting. Working carefully in groups—and taking advantage of the stamina, sweat-cooling, and water-carrying advantages humans have over terrestrial ungulates—they ...
Jeb Can't Fake A Spleen; The GOP Can't Fake A Candidate
You ask a five-year-old to pretend she is a grownup doing a grown-up job, and she will furrow her brow into a stern expression, scrunch up her little mouth into a tight frown, and speak in a deepened, scolding tone of voice. It does a pretty good—and cute!—job of illustrating how a five-year-old per...
Chris Christie Flips Out On Debate Question About Fantasy Football
Things got testy multiple times at last night’s GOP debate, with the candidates repeatedly going off on the CNBC moderators for asking what they perceived to be biased or inane questions (even as they generally failed to provide substantive answers to the substantive questions). Toward the end, thin...
Your Next Plate Of Meatloaf Is My Treat, Lincoln Chafee
“I have had no scandals,” the ostrich man kept saying. If you angled your head just right, you could hear ... Y’know, in case you had me mixed up with that hiking-the-Appalachian-Trail fella wafting along on the breeze of his breath....
Happy Trails Jim Webb, You Shiny-Eyed Jackanape
Jim Webb ended his presidential campaign yesterday. “Presidential” looks weird in that sentence, doesn’t it? Wait ... he was campaigning for President?...
Kevin Johnson Will Not Run For Third Term As Sacramento Mayor
Kevin Johnson announced late Tuesday that he won’t be running for a third term as mayor of Sacramento. ...
2016 Presidential Campaign Merch, Ranked
From $1,000 copies of the Constitution to $75 guacamole bowls to “Grillary Clinton” aprons, the world of presidential campaign merchandise is a strange one, and nowhere is that clearer than on the internet, where some of our illustrious candidates have launched merch stores that come in every degree...
Kevin Johnson Wants Certain People To Not Talk About Kevin Johnson
It’s no secret that Kevin Johnson wants certain girls and women to keep what they have to say about him to themselves. Some of what the former NBA superstar and current scandal-magnet mayor of Sacramento, Calif. is willing to do to convince them is well-known; some less so. The more that comes to li...