deadspin-2016 Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
No, Seriously, Dissolve The United States
Ronald Reagan’s Secretary of the Navy, a Republican Senator, and Hillary Clinton walk into a bar. Bartender looks them over and says, “Christ, this is 60 percent of the Democratic presidential campaign field? You motherfuckers make Richard Nixon look like Leon Trotsky.” Then Jim Webb knifes him, bec...
Curt Schilling Has A Democratic Debate Take For You
There will be a lot of takes on tonight’s Democratic debate. Here’s the one that matters....
Jeb Bush Says He Didn't Smoke Weed With Bill Belichick
Clay Travis of Fox Sports had a conversation with Jeb Bush that I don’t care to know more about, other than the part where he asked Bush if he smoked weed with Bill Belichick in high school. So, Jeb, did you ever light one up with Belichick? Ever smoked on that gas? Waked and baked? Celebrated 4:20?...
Fox Sports Humiliates America With Horrible USMNT Promo
Remember when a Mexican TV station used Donald Trump, a mass of whoopie cushions and mashed potatoes inhabited by a chaos demon, to troll the USMNT ahead of tomorrow’s game against Mexico? That was pretty good! They got us! Today, Fox tried to clap back with a promo video of its own:...
Remembering The Tour De Trump, Donald Trump's Failed Bike Race
Donald Trump, a talking tube of bronzer, is a man of leisure and failed investments. Right around the end of the 1980s, he expanded with a truly catastrophic series of investments which led him to declare his first of four corporate bankruptcies in 1991. There was Trump Airlines, Trump: The Game, an...
Walk Into Lake Michigan Forever, Scott Walker
Wisconsin governor Scott Walker has abandoned his campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. He says he has been “called to lead by helping to clear the field,” but he was polling at around half a percent, which is to say that nobody is calling him to lead a goddamn thing. In a just w...
Who's Funding Kevin Johnson's Secret Government?
It isn’t hard to see why nothing bad has ever quite touched Kevin Johnson, mayor of Sacramento, Calif., even as he’s authored a long series of lurid sex and corruption scandals, any one of which would have ended the career of a less fortunate man....
Marco Rubio's Boy Kinda Punched Rand Paul's Boy In The Face Last Night
Politics, like rap music, is sports. In the throes of competition, tempers flare as the blood gets hot. There’s always some beef. Sometimes, separate parties arrive at blows. Rarely, there’s even gunplay. Within that context, allow us to direct you to the bestest beef of them all, between aides to R...
Richard Sherman And Michael Bennett Are Having A Serious Public Debate On Black Lives Matter
Over the past few days, two Seahawks have publicly offered differing opinions on the Black Lives Matter movement, police brutality, poverty, and a host of related issues. In the usually anodyne world of athlete press conferences, it’s really something....
Dissolve The United States
They are all insane people. Even poor, stressed-out, occasionally lucid-seeming John Kasich: bonkers. Pathology is contextual, and one simply does not bring reasonable takes like Actually, the deal with Iran is okay, provided we do the diligence of enforcing it, just like pretty much every other dea...
Welcome To Deadspin's Republican Debate Liveblog
Tonight’s Republican presidential debate takes place at the Ronald Reagan Library, where the top 11 candidates will discuss foreign policy, domestic issues, and probably Ahmed Mohamed, the Muslim teenager who was arrested for bringing his homemade clock to school earlier this week. Loony-toon Donald...
An R.E.M. Song For Each 2016 Presidential Candidate
So Donald Trump took the stage at an anti-Iran-deal rally to the strains of R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine),” and Michael Stipe got all salty about it, and, well, look out. You’re welcome....
Bad Old Man Likes Other Bad Old Man
Mike Ditka, a cigar on life support, recently said some nice things about Donald Trump, a fart telling an endless joke about itself. This, naturally, has led to Trump stating that he’d like to get Ditka “involved in some capacity” with his potential presidency:...
Deez Nuts: The Day Every Local News Station Got BOFA'd
The news about North Carolinians’ thirst for Deez Nuts forced local news operations across the country to cover the story of everyone’s favorite fake presidential candidate. So here’s a supercut of baffled TV anchors saying “Deez Nuts.” ...
The Fight For The Soul Of Black Lives Matter
A week and a half ago, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was speaking in Seattle, Wash., when he was interrupted by two young, black protesters. Marissa Janae Johnson and Mara Jacqeline Willaford, representing the local chapter of Black Lives Matter, called on the Vermont senator to publish his ...
Kid Takes Marco Rubio's Football To The Head
GOP presidential hopeful Marco Rubio might be a huge dork, but it’s not his fault this kid in Iowa took a football to the head. Rubio lofted that ball perfectly. That kid should’ve adjusted. Instead, this happened:...
Bernie Sanders Can't Save Black People
Bernie Sanders, the senator from the very great state of Vermont, is campaigning to be the next president of the United States of America. As such, he is giving speeches throughout the land. This past weekend, his ongoing tour took him to Seattle, Wash., where he stumped in front of people at Westla...
Remember When Steve Austin Hit Donald Trump With The Stone Cold Stunner?
With GOP frontrunner Donald Trump earning his way into daily headlines—often in the grossest way possible—it’s worth remembering The Donald’s long affiliation with professional wrestling. Trump played host to some early Wrestlemania events, and famously “bought” WWE Raw, only to sell it back the nex...
The Only Real Question That Needs To Be Asked At A Debate
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Stop Pretending Donald Trump Is Running For President
Tonight, hot pork balloon Donald Trump will participate in a televised debate with nine Republican presidential candidates. He is pretending to campaign for president, and the political press has agreed to pretend to believe him for a little while. It’s cynical and farcical and boring and stupid and...