Don't Have Opinions About Other People's Underwear
Are your underwear emitting an odor of feces or stale urine or stagnant crotch-and-ass sweat that I can smell from a…
You Puny Millennial Weaklings Disgust Me, A Tough, Sinewy Elder
Via the Washington Post, I have learned of a study by the Journal of Hand Therapy showing that millennial men are a…
How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice
Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on…
Oh God, What Is Croup, Does My Kid Have It, Oh God Oh God Oh God
Parenting a small child means, of course, doubling the number of people whose well being is your responsibility. This…
How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear
Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having…
How To Make Chicken Liver Pâté, You Adventurer, You
Pâté is a fun word to say through your nose. Paaaaah-TAY. You should practice this often, as it will accompany the…
How To Grill A Whole Fish, Because It's Just The Best Thing To Do
There are many good reasons for grilling whole fish. The skin and bones keep the flesh moist and flavorful; the skin…
How To Make Chicken Stock And Not Call It "Bone Broth," Ever
“Bone broth,” the latest and stupidest of food trends, gets a hard time, here and elsewhere. But really, that’s only…
How To Make Hollandaise Sauce, And Defy The Brunch-Industrial Complex
Hollandaise sauce is the lifeblood of the brunch-industrial complex. You want brunch—which is to say, you want eggs…
How To Roast A Chicken, And Become A Grownup At Last
Roasting a chicken is the last threshold to full coming of age. Before you have done it, you are a fledgling. After,…
How To Smoke Salmon: Mystical Alchemy From The Majestic West
Pity the poor East Coast rat racer. Look at him, pouring out of the subway with his sooty, bedraggled kin, lurching…
How To Cook Some Tasty (For Once!) Cabbage, For St. Patrick's Day
I love St. Patrick's Day. I know it's terribly unfashionable to admit so, but I love it all: I love the wearing of…
How To Make Mashed Cauliflower, Because It Goddamn Tastes Great
This article originally appeared on October 12, 2013. I'm republishing it today because I went on an insane…
How To Make Arrabbiata Sauce, The Angriest, Loveliest Sauce Of All
Picture, in your mind, a mundane interaction between any two regular, essentially happy Italian people. One…
How To Make Soft-Boiled Eggs: A Minute To Learn, Two Minutes To Master
The weird thing about soft-boiled eggs is the widespread misconception that they're so much trickier to make than their …
How To Throw, And Survive, A Six-Year-Old's Birthday Party
You can get away with the extended-family-plus-cake setup for your kid's first, oh, four or even five birthdays.…
How To Cook Valentine's Day Dinner, Like You Damn Well Should
The first thing to know about cooking for Valentine's Day is that the list of occasion-appropriate food preparations…
How To Cook Broccoli, On Purpose, And Enjoy It, Which Is Possible
Broccoli is good. No, it is! Good for you, sure, yes, high in fiber and vitamin C and some things called carotenoids…
How To Cook A Bunch Of Good Food For The Super Bowl Party
So the Super™ Bowl® is here, and that means some sucker—maybe even you!—will be hosting a Super™ Bowl® party which…