deadspin-how-to - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Don't Have Opinions About Other People's UnderwearAre your underwear emitting an odor of feces or stale urine or stagnant crotch-and-ass sweat that I can smell from a normal, respectful distance? Are you wearing some form of outer garment between your underwear and the outside world? Are you someone with whose underwear I may interact directly in t...

How To Measure Your Kid's DickDon’t. What the fuck is wrong with you?...

You Puny Millennial Weaklings Disgust Me, A Tough, Sinewy ElderVia the Washington Post, I have learned of a study by the Journal of Hand Therapy showing that millennial men are a bunch of weak, pampered diaper babies with butter-soft hands and that your puny muscles are no match for my hardened, callused Gen-X gripping power. I am paraphrasing, here. The Journa...

How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice

Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on which to count highway billboards threatening you with ultimatums like “Accept Jesus Or Burn In Hell.” Not a whole lot to recommend the place once you get out of earshot of the surf....

Oh God, What Is Croup, Does My Kid Have It, Oh God Oh God Oh God

Parenting a small child means, of course, doubling the number of people whose well being is your responsibility. This can be difficult, for a Wearer Of A Garbage Bag Because You Forgot To Buy Laundry Soap For The 27th Consecutive Week—for someone who has arrived, mostly by accident, deep in the swam...

How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear

Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working musc...

How To Make Chicken Liver Pâté, You Adventurer, You

Pâté is a fun word to say through your nose. Paaaaah-TAY. You should practice this often, as it will accompany the finished product well as a signal to the swells that you are one of them. ARE you enJOYing your paaaah-TAY....

How To Grill A Whole Fish, Because It's Just The Best Thing To Do

There are many good reasons for grilling whole fish. The skin and bones keep the flesh moist and flavorful; the skin itself, when cooked well, is life-changingly delicious; whole fish stands up better to grilling heat than a fillet or fish steak will; whole fish usually costs less by weight than the...