deadspin-how-to Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How To Make Fish Tacos, Perfection Now And Forever
Hell no, I don't need to persuade you to make fish tacos. Pfft. No way. It's spring; the sun is shining in a blue sky; birds were singing outside your open window when you awoke this morning, because you left your window open overnight, because that is what you do in springtime, because you are n...
Weddings Are Not Expensive. Whims Are.
Here are the things a wedding requires:...
How To Hard-Boil Eggs, For Godly Or Ungodly Purposes
Interestingly (or maybe not interestingly) (I mean, we are talking about boiled eggs, and we are gonna have to calibrate our "interesting" scale pretty generously here), hard-boiled eggs, when made properly, receive a much softer boiling than soft-boiled eggs. The "-boiled" is what confuses things: ...
How To Grill A Flank Steak, The Steak For Socialists
We are Americans (no, not you, Canadians) (OK, you too, c'mon over here ya big galoots), and we like big hunks of steak*. To be precise, we like our own big hunks of steak: We like to saunter into Bob's House of Steak all bowlegged and gimlet-eyed like John Wayne and order for ourselves some great ...
Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.
These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cl...
How To Fry Brussels Sprouts, And Learn To Love Them At Last
You think of Brussels sprouts and you think of misery. When you were a kid, some damn do-gooder grownup nuked a frozen bag of them in the microwave , and scooped a bunch of them onto your plate next to your delicious SpaghettiOs, and laid some bullshit on you about how eating them would make you gro...
How To Make Linguine With Clams And Bid Farewell To This Goddamn Winter
Groundhog meteorologists notwithstanding, seasons are shapeless, poorly defined things. To wit: Traditionally, in North America, the "winter" season is regarded as beginning at some point in the back half of December (the solstice) and extending into the back half of the following March (the equino...
How To Cook Sea Scallops Without Ruining Them: The Case Against Bacon
Step one is hiring a sinister shifty-eyed fellow with a pencil mustache to remove the bacon from your refrigerator and hide it somewhere in your home where you cannot find it. OK, so he does not have to have a pencil mustache. But it will be awesomer if he does....
How To Make Chocolate Pudding, Grown-Up Food For Grownups
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner this week is longtime friend of the program Miserable Shitehawk....
How To Make A Simple Goddamn Grilled-Cheese Sandwich
Everywhere we are gussying up our grilled-cheese sandwiches. In fancy restaurants and home kitchens and delicatessens and those insufferable quasi-fast-food joints with the accented, ambiguously Euro names and the friggin' Ray LaMontagne music on the PA and the cutesy, bottled alterna-soda in the co...
How To Make Risotto, The Foodstuff Of Love
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner this week is longtime friend of the program Miserable Shitehawk....
Dear Humans: Do Not Eat Pizza With Utensils
Hey, homo sapiens! Let us embark upon an expedition of the mind. A mindspedition! ...
How To Make A Cheesesteak, And Probably Get Crap From Pennsylvanians
Hey, let's make a goddamn cheesesteak. If we do it quickly, we can get finished before the city of Philadelphia declares war....
Let's Make A Really Good Bloody Mary, For Once
When I was a dirty young man working at a low-end marketing outfit, I scoffed at the tagline for the office-approved Dockers-rock station that played all day in any cube pod where the clip artisans outnumbered the conference callers. In between Lilith Fair dirges, furniture store ads, and the softer...
How To Make Steamed Pork Dumplings, Like My Great-Grandfather Did
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspin columnist today is KSK and SB Nation contributor Eric Sollenberger....
How To Eat The Raw Oyster, Goodness In Its Pure Form
No one has moderate feelings toward the raw oyster (except perhaps for the terminally indifferent, may they ride the Meh Bus straight to hell): Either you ohmigod love love loooooove them, or you think they are gross little brine-loogies and have bad taste in things....
How To Make A Ragù, Which Has Nothing To Do With Jars
By now you're likely well aware that the word ragù—although perhaps most frequently encountered with its accent symbol flipped over, emblazoned across ten thousand jars of tomato products in your local supermarket—has its own non-commercial definition, other than "bad-tasting Italian-themed ketchup....
How To Make A Fish Sandwich. (You're Not Too Good For A Fish Sandwich.)
Oh, what, so you think you're too "good" for a fish sandwich? Oh, so fish sandwiches are for "weird leathery shore-people" with "wiry fisherman physiques" and "hairdos from the mid-1970s" and "scars from old knife fights"? Oh, so you "didn't actually say any of that" and I am "having this argument w...
How To Make Home Fries, The Breakfast Of Sluggards
The basic idea is that breakfast is supposed to supply your wretched, dead-eyed carcass with enough chemical energy to work itself up into a state vaguely similar to the authentic vitality of the functional, well-adjusted people edging away from you in half-concealed disgust on the bus. This is why...
Screw Your Pumpkin Flavors: How To Make Apple Crumble
Fun fact! Careful examination of the historical record reveals that, whatever the goddamn Starbucks menu may suggest to the contrary, the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs between Sept. 15 and Dec. 20 is not a capital crime. Whether the consumption of non-pumpkin-flavored foodstuffs i...