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Do Not Wear A Suit With Shorts
Men's shorts are OK. (Women's shorts are also OK, but they are much more obviously OK, and not what we are talking about.) Summers get hot around this part of the solar system; why swaddle those vast swaths of leg-skin behind fabric when you could use them, sensibly, to radiate your body's interna...
How To Make Deviled Eggs, And Reign As Lord Of The Side Dishes
Somebody always brings deviled eggs to the cookout or potluck or NA meeting, and it's never you, and that person is everyone's favorite, because deviled eggs are just the best. ...
On The Underrated Sublimity Of Throwing Your Miserable Guts Up
I come to sing the praises of a good, hard puke....
How To Cook A Pork Shoulder On The Grill: A Good Day's Work, For Once
A truth of the modern workplace is that you do a lot of tedious bullshit—meetings and reports and conference calls, spreadsheets and data entry and friggin' change-controls, office politicking and ass-kissing and -covering, long hours and long commutes and long/haggard/grey faces and exhaustion—for ...
How To Cook A Giant T-Bone Steak The Size Of Your Entire Head
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner this week is writer and Drynuary evangelist John Ore....
How To Make Hummus For Yourself, Like A Real Friggin' Human Would
If you live on earth, your local supermarket has a lot of packaged hummus in it. Different brands and varieties, different accompanying flavors and garnishes—roasted red peppers! pine nuts! roasted garlic! spinach and artichoke hearts! XXXtreme Buffalo-Ranch Frito-Blast Flavor Dirt!—and so on. This...
How To Cook And Eat Whole Shrimp (Yes, Even Their Heads)
Generally speaking, we like shrimp. Your local supermarket testifies to this: Multiple sizes of shrimp of various provenance on display at the seafood counter; shrimp prepared and flash-frozen in wild variety (OK, maybe not wild variety, but anyway Captain Gorton breads them at least a couple of di...
How To Make Chili Oil, AKA Liquid Fun
The problem with condiments is that even if they're theoretically intended to enhance or complement the flavors of a given dish, too often they just swamp those other flavors instead. Take, for example, ketchup, the iconic condiment: It doesn't taste bad (and anyone who tells you it does is more in...
How To Make Fish Tacos, Perfection Now And Forever
Hell no, I don't need to persuade you to make fish tacos. Pfft. No way. It's spring; the sun is shining in a blue sky; birds were singing outside your open window when you awoke this morning, because you left your window open overnight, because that is what you do in springtime, because you are n...
Weddings Are Not Expensive. Whims Are.
Here are the things a wedding requires:...
How To Hard-Boil Eggs, For Godly Or Ungodly Purposes
Interestingly (or maybe not interestingly) (I mean, we are talking about boiled eggs, and we are gonna have to calibrate our "interesting" scale pretty generously here), hard-boiled eggs, when made properly, receive a much softer boiling than soft-boiled eggs. The "-boiled" is what confuses things: ...
How To Grill A Flank Steak, The Steak For Socialists
We are Americans (no, not you, Canadians) (OK, you too, c'mon over here ya big galoots), and we like big hunks of steak*. To be precise, we like our own big hunks of steak: We like to saunter into Bob's House of Steak all bowlegged and gimlet-eyed like John Wayne and order for ourselves some great ...
Yes, You Can Wash A Pillow
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check The Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her. ...
Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.
These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cl...
How To Fry Brussels Sprouts, And Learn To Love Them At Last
You think of Brussels sprouts and you think of misery. When you were a kid, some damn do-gooder grownup nuked a frozen bag of them in the microwave , and scooped a bunch of them onto your plate next to your delicious SpaghettiOs, and laid some bullshit on you about how eating them would make you gro...
Canned Beer Is The Best Beer
Although I've recently moved into an apartment with three ceiling fans, seven windows, and a bedroom door, I do not consider myself a wealthy man. But every Thursday, my wife comes into a little bit of money, and if I time the transaction just right, I can occasionally buy something useful before sh...
How To Make Sausage Gravy, And Shave A Few Years Off Your Lifespan
Sausage gravy is deeply, deeply disreputable food. In its typical presentation, slopped across biscuits in some charmingly run-down roadside diner with Patsy Cline playing on the jukebox, it is, in essence, flour on flour, dressed up as actual sustenance by the inclusion of token quantities of butte...
Sorcery And Witchcraft: How To Fold A Fitted Sheet
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check The Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her. ...
How To Organize Your Spices Without Driving Yourself Crazy
Before we do this thing, we need to do a bit of expectation management: Because Foodspin is a site about food, and not a site about design or style, the focus of these tips will be on function over form. If you want to achieve one of those picture-perfect spice displays, head to Pinterest for ideas....
How To Make Linguine With Clams And Bid Farewell To This Goddamn Winter
Groundhog meteorologists notwithstanding, seasons are shapeless, poorly defined things. To wit: Traditionally, in North America, the "winter" season is regarded as beginning at some point in the back half of December (the solstice) and extending into the back half of the following March (the equino...