deadspinxy Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We Are All Witnesses To A Magisterial Slap-To-The-Head Flop
This is from London. There, it seems, suited security guards have more leeway to engage in full-on Rick James-esque slaps to others's earholes. Said guard immediately seems to have a tinge of regret to his actions, though....
This Weekend In Naked Barely-Legal Cowgirl Driving News
"Meet Taylor Burnham. When Corpus Christi cops responded to a suspicious person call early Sunday, they spotted Burnham, 18, standing in an alleyway next to a Jeep Wrangler. The teenager was naked, except for a pair of cowboy boots. After spotting cops, Burnham hopped in the Jeep and took off at ar...
Only A Fool Would Want His Kid To Play Football
I had to go get my watch fixed the other day, and the watch fixing place that I go to is one of those old school clockmaker shops that looks like it's run by a serial killer. There are old clocks all over the place and random magazine clippings tacked to the wall, with all kinds of strange tools sca...
The Stages Of Internet Grief, As Applied To Whitney Houston's Death
0. Basic Twitter Check...
The Sad Story Of The Sorority Girl, The Scrappy Guard, And The Law That Came Between Them
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
I Hung Out With Dukebags And Discovered The Greatest Value In The History Of Drunken Eating
I went down to the Research Triangle area of North Carolina last week. This is the area comprising Durham, Chapel Hill, and Raleigh. It's a very pretty area, surrounded by tall trees that are so perfectly spaced out it's almost as if the entire forest were landscaped. And the forest floor itself is ...
Some Dude From Brooklyn Who Thinks He's A Jedi Master Is Whining About His Light Saber Getting Stolen
"The Bedford-Stuyvesant engineer was at a Myrtle Avenue bar last fall when a thief snatched what Obi-Wan Kenobi once described as 'an elegant weapon for a more civilized age' - a $400 custom sword Michael used to teach young Jedi honor and self-esteem. 'Who steals somebody's light saber? It's like ...
Watch A Shopping-Mall Brawler With Panties Exposed Kick Her Foe In The Face
This ladyfight outside the Giti 8 women's clothing store at the University Mall in Tampa was so mesmerizing in its brutal panties exposure that a reporter just had to take it and show it to shoppers who might have missed it....
Childbirth Is A Precious Rite Of Passage, If You Enjoy Agony, Terror, And Flying Jets Of Blood
When it comes to the Birthing Experience, I'd like to focus on the end, the summing up of everything, when the doctor in the delivery room turned to me and held up the gore-smeared, still-pulsing umbilical cord and asked if I would like to cut it....
Cockblocked By Blood!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
How To Care For A Bleeding Child
I have two children, and they are remarkably adept at hurting themselves. They bash into tables, chairs, doors, shelves, bedposts, pits filled with poisonous spikes, etc. One time my daughter was running around with a mirror, tripped, fell, and put her head through the mirror, shattering it to piece...
"Dumb Fuckers" Attend University Club Fair, Student Paper Reports
Unlike the inexplicable floating fuck in the Greenville News's story on the SEC Title Game, we have a pretty good idea of how the Suffolk Journal ended up running this subhed yesterday. As explained by a red-faced editor's note, it was some joke text meant to be switched out later, only it never was...
<em>Dead Angler</em> And More: A Look Inside Real, Bizarre Fly-Fishing-Themed Mystery Novels
It's hard to find the time to read books these days, what with the fragmentation of media, the rapid decline of western economies, and the popularity of fly-fishing. One imagines everyone who enjoys fly-fishing—let's be serious, who doesn't enjoy fly-fishing?—would rather fly-fish than read. Unless:...
The Million-Dollar Drexel University LSD Bust: A Slideshow
'Twas a bad, bad day for lovers of the LSD on the campus of Philadelphia's Drexel University....
If This Drunk Canadian Just Kept His Mouth Shut, His Hat Wouldn't Have Gotten Pissed On
Oh, this poor, poor Canadian chappie. He's 34. He calls out a kid with a Mohawk because "we used to shave our heads." Then, he confronts brochacho wearing sunglasses at night in homage to Corey Hart, more likely than not. He then pulls the surrogate-father line of meddlin'....
Coming To Grips With Your Sexless Adulthood
Before we get to the Funbag, I should note that I'm doing a reading in Chapel Hill tonight at 7 p.m. at Flyleaf Books. The afterparty is gonna be at Linda's, which is about a mile away. And then, tomorrow night, there's gonna be a reading in Durham at the Regulator at 7 p.m., with drinks at either C...
Internet Correction: Ice Cube's "Good Day" Was Actually Nov. 30, 1988
When a blogger attempted to identify the exact date rapped about in Ice Cube's "It Was A Good Day," using only clues from the song, we were impressed. But a few things didn't add up about the January 20, 1992 date arrived upon. Was the Goodyear Blimp grounded that day? Did it rain in South Central...
Hand Trying To Win Job
Here's the tail end of a package that ran on KSTP-TV in St. Paul tonight about Marlins pitcher Brad Hand, a Minneapolis native fighting for a spot in the Miami rotation. You can see a bit of a giggle in sports anchor Joe Schmit's voice as he realizes the unfortunate turn of phrase in the over-the...
This Weekend's Ironman Series Event In Australia Featured Nudity
In Australia, there's a flavor of the Ironman Triathlon that's essentially a lifeguarding skills competition. Given that nation's love of the beach, it's fairly popular featuring ski-paddling, boarding, swimming, and beach-running....