deadspinxy Page 60 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
200 Beer Bottles Opened In 80 Seconds? Believe It
In the pantheon of useless talents, this rates somewhere between reciting Pi to the hundredth digit and throwing a knuckleball. I'd be more impressed if he had kept even one beer from overflowing with head....
Deaf Guy Getting Choked By Mall Security? Deaf Guy Getting Choked By Mall Security (UPDATE: Video Fixed)
This video shows some overzealous security person at a Los Angeles mall showing off his MMA classes on a possible shoplifter. Problem is, the purple-faced shoplifter is deaf, didn't hear the alarm, and...also may have paid for his items. [SmartCrew]...
Furry Tries To Legally Change His Name To "Boomer The Dog"
Gary Guy Mathews. A perfectly good name. But Mr. Mathews wants to officially be known as Boomer the Dog, to go along with his homemade fursuit....
You, Dim, Spammy Crap Peddler, Are Dumb And Should Be Fired
One of the many downsides of being an internet "editor" is the heaping pile of sales pitches you receive from various fly-by-night tech companies trying to "partner-up" with you on some useless mobile device or traffic-booster. Here is one of these people....
Hot Piece Of Ass Who Quit Job Was Probably A Stunt
Today, all The Internet wanted to talk about was Jet Blue Guy's zany escape from employment—or the press's red-faced descriptions of how the police found him—and all of a sudden Dry Erase Board Girl came out of nowhere. She's fake....
Bat-Wielding Vigilante Takes On Boston Troublemakers (Video Back Up)
A group of punks are terrorizing passing motorists, until they mess with the wrong guy. He steps out of his car...metal bat in hand. This shit is bananas. (NSFW language)...
Fun With Composting Old Rubbers!
All right all right, time to open up the ol' sack of goodies and see what's spurtin' out. Your letters:...
Hero Monkey Saves Puppy From Fire In China (UPDATE: Hoax?)
A pipeline explosion in Nanjing has claimed the lives of 13 and injured hundreds. But the bright news comes in the form of this monkey who was photographed running away from the flames carrying this puppy to relative safety. [Now Public]...
Keyboard-Throwing Contest Goes About As Well As Expected
Like all fledgling non-Olympic sports, Keyboard Toss still has to work out a lot of kinks. Regulation equipment and throwing motions are good starts but they should probably focus on how not to hit the cameramen....
Cockblocked by Cassiopeia! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Female Driver Plows Into Reader's Dunkin' Donuts This Morning: His Report
Reader Eddie B. was enjoying a French cruller this morning at a Westchester Dunkin' Donuts when this lady, in an apparent rush, drove through the store. He writes in:...
How To Shoot A Shark In The Head
"I'm scared," squeals a child as the executioner brings his revolver to bear on the 7-foot bull shark, Nguyễn Ngọc Loan-style. Smile, you son of a— [via AnimalNY]...
A Thorough Analysis Of Han Solo’s Ability To Score Space Poon
Your letters:...
Germany Being Overrun By Radioactive Boars
Twenty-five years after Chernobyl, German scientists are finding that more and more of the country's skyrocketing boar population is radioactive. The Russian payback for WWII will never end. [Der Spiegel, via]...
Serial Semen Squirter Finally Behind Bars
Michael Edwards Jr. is accused of spraying Gaithersburg, Md., shoppers with semen from a bottle. Police say there are other victims out there, and they're unsure of where the semen came from. Carl Monday warned us, people. [WaPo]...
Why The Hell Are Scientists Actively Trying To Enrage Monkeys?
When a lede mentions that "a new study in monkey-antagonism has found" research that "could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys" you keep reading and then start to ask questions. Questions like: "The hell?" and "Why does this exist?"...
Reporter Interviewing An Ice Sculptor? What Can Possibly Go Wrong?
The world would be a far worse place if it weren't for the heroes committing gaffes on local newscasts. Whether they're advocating continued fowl fornicating or digging into whether penis is being enjoyed or not, they light up our lives....
In Defense Of Female Objectification
Oooh, loogit! We got letters! And here they are:...
Today In Dogs Raving Their Faces Off
Per YouTube user BlueBlazeful, "Like anyone at a rave, he's either really feeling the music, or he's got rabies." We don't know what kind of raves BlueBlazeful attends, but if there are techno loving dogs there, we want to go....
Intern Horrors: The Republican Party Makes You Puke
Welcome to Intern Horrors, the weekly feature where interns tell their saddest and most embarrassing tales of incompetence or incontinence. Today: the perils of campaign canvassing, wrecking the "Country Cruiser," and The Great Poop Duel Of Several Years Ago. Misdirecting Headline Warning!...