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True Ass-Brain Football Columnist Says Matt Patricia Risks Losing Lions Players Because Punishment Isn't Fun

Matt Patricia has been head coach of the Detroit Lions for roughly 19 minutes. It’s been a rocky time—mere moments after he accepted the job, the Detroit News reported on a sexual assault indictment in Patricia’s past, and the Lions organization needed much of the time since—and, frankly, the aid of...

Every J.D. Martinez Swing Is Terrifying

Red Sox slugger J.D. Martinez became the first player to 20 home runs tonight, hitting the dong milestone with a high, deep fly to centerfield against his old team the Tigers. It was only the beginning of his reign of terror....

Giancarlo Stanton Still Isn't A Fan Of The Guy Who Broke His Face

It’s a marvel that Giancarlo Stanton had his face destroyed by a baseball pitch in 2014 and still has a career in the sport. He’s not even a shadow of himself, but still a powerful, sometimes overly aggressive hitter who now wears a c-flap on his helmet for added protection. In the second game of Mo...

Silly Baseball Goose Goes To Better Place 

The silly goose that bonked itself to hell in Wednesday’s Angels-Tigers game has now supposedly been released into the scenic green wilderness of East Lansing, Michigan, after a brief stay at a veterinary hospital....

Loose Goose At Tigers Game Chased Off The Field And Into A World Of Pain

There was a cool-seeming goose hanging around the field in Detroit during a break in tonight’s Angels-Tigers game, and although the grounds crew made a valiant effort at getting it to scram, little did they know they were chasing the goose straight to his downfall, provided by the unrelenting scoreb...

Mother Of D-League Player Who Died On Court Sues NBA For Failing To Save His Life

The mother of Zeke Upshaw, the NBA D-League player who died after collapsing on the court in March, has filed a lawsuit against the NBA alleging no one performed lifesaving measures after Upshaw collapsed on the court....

Brian Dozier Got A Ball Stuck In The Outfield Wall

Twins second baseman Brian Dozier was a few inches short of a dinger in his first at-bat against the Tigers Wednesday afternoon, but pulled off a much more unique feat instead. Dozier’s long drive to center field wedged itself perfectly between two of the outfield wall panels, suspending the ball in...

Lions President: Team "Followed The Rules" In Hiring Of Matt Patricia

The conversation around Detroit’s hiring of Matt Patricia has, for obvious reasons, wandered far afield from whether Patricia is qualified purely in football terms for the job of head coach, to how it is possible that the Lions were unaware of an indictment for sexual assault in Patricia’s past. NFL...

Bill Belichick: Patriots Were Not Aware Of Matt Patricia's Sexual Assault Indictment

Before recently being hired by the Detroit Lions as their head coach, Matt Patricia spent 14 seasons coaching the New England Patriots. The team brought Patricia into the NFL’s coaching ranks back in 2004, and he worked his way up from an offensive assistant to defensive coordinator. In response to ...

Matt Patricia: Sexual Assault Indictment Was "Mental Torture" And Bringing It Up Is "Unfair And Upsetting"

New Lions head coach Matt Patricia had a press conference Thursday, one day after the Detroit News reported that he had been indicted for sexual assault in 1996. The case was dismissed after, according to authorities, the victim decided not to testify due to feeling she could not “face the pressures...

We Found Matt Patricia’s Sexual Assault Indictment In 30 Seconds. Why Didn’t The Detroit Lions?

The Detroit News reported Wednesday night that recently hired Detroit Lions head coach Matt Patricia was indicted on a sexual assault charge in 1996, when he was in college. The case never went to trial after, according to authorities, the victim decided not to testify due to feeling she could not ...

Report: Lions Coach Matt Patricia Was Indicted For Sexual Assault In 1996

Newly hired Detroit Lions head coach and former New England Patriots assistant Matt Patricia was indicted by a grand jury on one count of aggravated sexual assault in 1996, according to a report from the Detroit News. Patricia, who was 21 at the time, was charged alongside a teammate of his on Renss...

Darren Rovell Tries To Explain Economics To Marvin Jones, Gets Dunked On

“Actually,” Darren Rovell probably smirked as he adjusted his bowtie before lecturing a celebratory Marvin Jones, who had just tweeted about a bakery franchise he is opening with his wife, “it’s more complicated than you think.”...

Pistons Fire Stan Van Gundy, And It Looks Like The Coach-GM Hybrid Job Is Dying

ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski reported today that Stan Van Gundy has “parted ways” with the Detroit Pistons after four years of serving as the team’s coach and general manager. Van Gundy had one year remaining on a five-year, $35 million deal he signed in 2014, and Pistons owner Tom Gores said the chang...

Leonys Martín Hits Dong, Then Hits Dong

Leonys Martín led off today’s Tigers-Pirates game with a big home run, but it came at a price. On the fourth pitch of the game, Martín ricocheted a pitch off the plate into his dick and balls. He rolled around for two minutes afterward and had a hard time standing back up....

Ron Gardenhire Says MLB Knows It Screwed Up The Tigers' Replay Review [Update: MLB Says It Didn't]

The Detroit Tigers had an Opening Day walk-off win taken away from them Friday when what looked to be a safe, 10th-inning slide into home from Nicholas Castellanos was overturned on review. If you believe Tigers manager Ron Gardenhire, MLB admitted the call was botched....

Tigers Win On Walkoff, Then Return To Field After Bullshit Replay Reversal

For every normal fan watching extra innings of today’s game between the Pirates and Tigers, it looked like Detroit won 11-10 in the 10th on a walk-off hit by JaCoby Jones, which scored Nicholas Castellanos on a thrilling play at the plate. The Tigers rushed out of the dugout and onto the field to ce...

This Is The Video You Show A Child To Teach Them How To Slide, If You Hate That Child

The Tigers are up 2-0 on the Pirates in the early going of opening day for both teams, and Detroit got their rally going with a Mikie Mahtook leadoff double in the second. Mahtook’s slide was a thing of beauty, in a way. Ugly, awkward beauty. How do you even put that many parts of your body in conta...

This Pretty Goal Will Be The Only Thing I Choose To Remember From The Red Wings' Season

On MLB opening day and with plenty of actual good NHL teams in action, there was no way in hell I was going to put myself through Red Wings-Sabres last night. So I’d be lying if I said I’ve entirely stuck by my hometown team, but still, this highlight is like the best thing I’ve seen from Detroit al...