dor Page 87 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Fat-Ass Baseball Players Get Their Roger Bannister Moment
Per Wezen-Ball's wonderful Tater Trot Tracker, David Ortiz rounded the bases after yesterday's solo shot in 30.59 seconds, a new record by nearly eight-tenths of a second. Yes, mankind has at last shattered the 30-second barrier. [Wezen-Ball]...

Minor Leaguers Mercilessly Teased For Their Giant, Goofy Heads
Big helmet or tiny head? Francisco Cervelli fans (hey, he has some!) have been wondering that for a few weeks now, but in the coming years an entire corps of MLB players may look like futuristic, yet dorky space travelers....

Basebrawl Season Is In Full Swing
Thursday's Angels-White Sox game at U.S. Cellular Field featured two things you often see on the South Side these days: a White Sox loss, and a bunch of White Sox fans beating the shit out of each other. H/T BullFightsOnAcid...

Sharks GM Has Competitively Attractive Daughter
San Jose Sharks GM Doug Wilson's daughter, the absurdly named Lacey, competed in last night's Miss USA competition. So that's why the Sharks were so on edge during Game 1 and couldn't solve the Rubik's Cube that is Chicago goalie Antti Niemi....

Five Guys Is Good, Just Ask Phil Mickelson
Remember how Phil Mickelson wouldn't stop prattling on about Five Guys last week at The Players? "Best burger I've ever had," he said. Yeah, turns out Lefty owns rights to Five Guys franchises in Orange County. [Sports Biz, via WUP]...

Washed-Up Coach Reduced To Shamelessly Peddling Crap On Twitter
Judging by his Twitter account, Florida Atlantic's Mike Jarvis is now a celebrity spokesman for something called the EnergyCare Dream Pillow, which apparently worked so well for Jarvis that he slept through an entire basketball season. [@coachmikejarvis]...

Minor League Hockey Fight Provides Us With A Reason To Watch Minor League Hockey
Last night, during Game 5 of their ECHL playoff series, the Cincinnati Cyclones and Reading Royals engaged in one of the best hockey team fights ever. Enjoy the narration and the sight of grown men being thrown about like rag dolls....

Potato Chip Ad Manages To Titillate, Enrage Island Nation
Hunky Dory, an Irish potato chip syndicate, has come under fire for an ad series that claims they are "Proud Sponsors of Irish Rugby." That, and because the ads feature all the scantily-clad women's rugby action you could ask for....

Hooters Sponsors Youth Aussie Rules Football Team, Outrage Is Palpable
A Melbourne, Australia Hooters has been criticized by various wet blankets for sponsoring an under-16 Australian Rules Football team, the Broadbeach Cats. As per usual, there are adults trying to ruin all the fun....

LT's Weight Loss Spokesman Replacement Has A Little Less Star Power
Lawrence Taylor is accused of doing some Very Bad Things. That means he's not allowed to tell us how he lost 35 pounds (results not typical) on Nutrisystem. Now pinch hitting: Matt Stairs....

Welcome To Bizarro Continent, Where Canada Owns Our Asses At Sports Management
While Glendale and Gary Bettman flounder about, there's already a deal in place to move the Coyotes to Winnipeg. Meanwhile Montreal has been tapped to join MLS, and, oh look, they've already got a team. Shit, America, get it together....

A Hockey Trucking To End All Hockey Truckings
In Game 3 of the OHL Championship Series last night, Barrie's Darren Archibald decided he didn't even want to play Game 4 and proceeded to check Windsor goalie Philipp Grubauer into the Northwest Territories. Naturally, a fight broke out. H/T Justin....

Mudwrestling At The Kentucky Derby
The infield scene at Churchill Downs may not be as decadent and depraved as at Pimlico these days, but the rainstorm brought a welcome twist to the action. Feisty fillies, indeed. [via Louisville.com]...

The Bitch Slap Heard 'Round The Bleachers
When they're not humping each other in bathrooms or throwing beer or being sorta racist, the denizens of Wrigley Field are apparently slapping each other in the face. Except they're being sorta racist then, too....

Wince-Inducing Story Of The Day: Miguel Olivo Has A Urethra Of Steel
The Rockies catcher passed a kidney stone during a recent game against the Diamondbacks, then he threw his gear back on and later singled. "I can handle pain a little bit," he said. "Let's play baseball." [Last Angry Fan]...

New USA Kit Looks Good On A Pretty Lady
Today, Nike unveiled the USA's World Cup home jersey. Solid, if unspectacular. To make it more palatable, here it is on a Playboy model. [Playboy] (Page is SFW, just don't click on anything.)...

The Marquis Teague Scholarship-Revocation-Countdown Begins Now
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Footage Of Maryland Student's Beating Goes Missing, Re-Appears Minus Some "Editing"
A disc of security camera video that might show police officers assaulting a Maryland student during the post-Duke game bliss mysteriously went missing, then re-appeared hours later....with a two-minute gap in the footage. Wait! That's not the shadiest part, yet!...

Everyone Can Get Behind These Sedin Twins
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Rockies President, 48, Found Dead
Rockies president Keli McGregor, said to be "in top physical shape," was found dead this morning in a Salt Lake City hotel room. Cops say he died of natural causes. [Denver Post]...