drunk Page 28 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Have You Seen This Man’s Penis? GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Jerry Jones Clarifies His "Social Moment," Explains That Bill Parcells Is, In Fact, Worth A Shit
Jerry Jones took the opportunity at a diabetes fundraiser yesterday to explain away his sodden musings on Bill Parcells, and somehow he came away sounding a lot sillier than he did last week during cocktail hour at Ocean Prime....

The Jerry Jones Video Wrap-Up
It's been an active day for the Cowboys' owner, after his sloshy Parcells/Tebow rant became a top story throughout the Dallas area and was even deemed talking head-worthy by the WWL. Take it away, Lovely Hannah....

Dodger Games Slightly Less Violent and Chaotic This Year
Did you know tailgating is illegal in Dodger Stadium parking lots? Neither did the 132 arrested at the home opener yesterday—which is still better than last season when a guy got stabbed. That's progress! [LA Times]...

Slurring Jerry Jones Bad-Mouths Bill Parcells, Tim Tebow
A source sends along this video of a seemingly inebriated Jerry Jones waxing off about Tim Tebow ("he'd never get on the field"), Bill Parcells ("not worth a shit"), and how he got his stadium. Read the rough transcript after the jump....

Slovenian Hockey Players Celebrate Title By Beating Up Coach
Six players from Slovenia's league champion, Acroni Jesenice, have been booted from the team after beating up their head coach in drunken post-game celebration. It's okay, though because he totally deserved his thrashing....

Time For A Lady To Have Her Say. GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Great Moments In Drunken Spring Break Failure!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Spring Break Failure, where we showcase heartwarming true stories of spring break gone horribly awry. Off we go....

The Preakness Promise: You Will Get Hammered On The Infield This Year
After a ban on outside beverages led to a huge drop in attendance last year, officials at Pimlico Racetrack are changing course. Still no outside drinks, but $20 gets you a bottomless mug of beer. This plan has no flaws....

Golden Shower: Denied! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Last Night's Winner: Cirrhosis Of The Liver
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all you rummies out there who have merged St. Patrick's Day and March Madness into a sort of extended holiday—Hanukkah for drunks....

Fun With Anal Beads! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase six heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

TRAPPED IN A CAGE! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. But first, an announcement....

Fire Woman, YOU’RE TO BLAME! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure: Promise Rings, Triple C-Blocks, And Withering Rejections
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase six heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Blown Threesomes! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Stories That Don't Suck: Starstruck In N.O., Drunk In Indy, Badly Beaten In Yonkers, Gonzo At The Big Game
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

There’s More Than One Way To Fill A Prophylactic! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Astonishing Tales Of Insanity: The 23-Mile Parachute Jump vs. Rocket Sled
An Austrian skydiver is planning to jump out of a balloon 120,000 feet above the Earth. Is that more or less stupid than a guy strapping a muffler filled with gasoline to his back while sledding down a hill?...

PRETTY BIRD! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....