drunks Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Clown Shoes Pecan Pie Porter Is A Sloppy Good Time
This past weekend, my wife and I went to a quaint highway-side resort on Cape Cod to read magazines, pretend one clam chowder tastes any different from the next, and remember that the vast majority of Americans still don't give a shit what beer they drink....
Here's The Deep-Thinking, Super-Alcoholic Beer For You
When last we Drunkspun, we were so angry at Stella Artois for sucking that we completely overlooked the fact that we don't even need the good Belgian beer around anymore. We were so busy praising all the good Belgian beer, lest we look ugly and ungracious by failing to properly appreciate their ce...
Stella Artois Is A Disgrace To Belgium
A couple weeks ago, I wrote a big, trashy, sensationalist, and 100-percent accurate post titled "There Is No Excuse For Drinking Heineken," in which I argued that there are literally thousands of better-tasting ways to communicate to the world that you have a dollar more than the price of a Budwei...
Evil Twin Hipster Ale Is Cool, Just Like You
Evil Twin is an interesting operation. In the unlikely event you have any free New York Times articles left on the 28th of a pretty newsy month, you can learn nearly everything I know about that operation here. A quick summary: It's a contract-brewing company run out of Brooklyn by a Danish guy who ...
Just How Boozy Should Your Beer Be?
The very convenient truth about beer is that, if used as directed, it will often get you drunk. Thank god. There are so many great things that don't get you drunk: socks, coffee, shuffleboard, you name it; if its name isn't "alcohol," it doesn't get you drunk no matter how otherwise excellent it m...
Darren Rovell Is Bad At Beer, Too
ESPN business reporter, kale enthusiast (see above), and staff snitch Darren Rovell likes to tweet about beer sometimes. I don't know if he gets paid for these tweets (I bet he gets paid for these tweets), but regardless, he recently declared Cigar City of Tampa, Fla., to be America's finest brewe...
27 Pumpkin Beers, Ranked
There are two kinds of people: those who embrace Pumpkin-Spice-Everything Season for the miracle that it is, and the godless, gourdless heathens who reject it and live a bland, spiceless life. I fall into the former category, which means it's time to combine two of my favorite activities: drinking p...
Texas Should Declare Independence And Make This Their National Beer
Yesterday, one of my idiot friends told me that certain South Floridians have expressed interest in seceding from the rest of the state. Roughly 11 seconds of exhaustive Googling just now failed to turn up much evidence, but let's say it's true. Makes sense. The government's way up north, and appa...
Great Divide Oatmeal Yeti Is A Neat, Sweet Beast Indeed
Big, boozy stouts tend to be expensive, and a lot of drinkers regard them as seasonal treats, so they're not among the most popular beers from a straight sales perspective. But if you brew a stout with an alcohol-by-volume percentage over eight and give it a price tag north of $7 per 22-ounce bott...
Four Loko Hasn't Killed The Malt Liquor 40 Yet, But Better Drink Fast
While screwing around on Twitter Sunday afternoon, I made the stunning and repulsive discovery that Betspin impresario Jay Sanin is a habitual Four Loko drinker. At first, I thought he just posted this picture as a goof, but further investigation revealed that he is a married man with two dogs, a ...
Chugging Is Dumb
We need to talk about your drinking. To have an intervention, of sorts....
All Pumpkin Everything: How Did Fall Turn Into Nutmeg Season?
The list of pumpkin-spiced items to which we are seasonally exposed grows longer every year: Since Starbucks opened the floodgates with the Pumpkin Spice Latte in 2003, we've been enticed, repulsed, and confused by similarly flavored vodka, bagels, yogurt, donuts, oatmeal, M&Ms, etc. And yes, this...
Scrimshaw Pilsner: Even The Best Beers Can't Defeat Dirty Draft Lines
Happy Sub-Five-Percent Friday, where we try to find a nice, gentle beer to help you minimize the damage from your inevitable weekend binge. ...
Bell's Two-Hearted Ale Is Contrarian-Proof (Dammit)
A couple of my friends recently went to Denver for the Great American Beer Festival, and they stayed out there for at least a week afterward to tour the local breweries, which made me jealous and depressed. Jealous for the obvious reason, and depressed because it forced me to realize that I'll nev...
Bear Republic Hop Rod Rye Is A Rye Beer Worth Fighting For (Or About)
The easiest way to upset a self-identified Beer Geek is to point out the nipple-blood that's soaked through his couple-of-Xs-too-small "Water & Barley & Hops & Yeast" t-shirt. After that, you might as well compound the problem by pointing out that lots of great beers contain all sorts of extra ingre...
There Is No Excuse For Drinking Heineken
An editor at a more hopeful outfit recently asked me to write a few paragraphs about the best new beer of 2014. I chose an expensive saison, because that's the kind of thing I like, and he had no problem with the selection, but requested that my article explain why it would appeal "to a Bud Light ...
Oskar Blues Old Chub Does Canned Scotch Ale From Colorado Proud
If you want to be taken seriously in the American beer-geek underground, the first thing you've got to do is grow a big, nasty beard. This is a bit of a challenge for the many aspiring beer geeks who happen to be women or unscuzzy men, but rules are rules. I need to see your beard before I can hear ...
Great Moments In Horrible Cocktail Failures
I made a bad cocktail tonight. So bad. It had whiskey and rum and peppermint extract and maybe a toenail in it. I failed. But I am not the only amateur mixologist to fuck up everything. Take it from these poor bastards......
How To Separate Beer Signal From Beer Noise
Excerpted from Eat More Better: How to Make Every Bite More Delicious, the new book by Dan Pashman of WNYC's The Sporkful podcast and the Cooking Channel's You're Eating It Wrong web series....
This Is The Best Imported Session Beer
Welcome once again to Drunkspin's Sub-Five-Percent Friday, wherein we recommend a low-potency beer to keep you in the mood but out of trouble. Remember, it's a long weekend, at least as far as the government is concerned, which means court's not open Monday—if you get arrested for something stupid t...