eli Page 168 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lima Time Returns To The States
We've had an absurd dedication around these parts with bringing you the latest developments in the career of Jose Lima. Is it his infectious ebullience on the mound? Or the fact that his wife is stacked? Hard to say. When last we heard from Lima Time, he was still whooping it up with the Kia Tigers...
Say Hello To The Newest Olympic Sport: Scooter Jousting
I'll admit that this one has a tenuous link at best to sports, but come on; two elderly women are playing bumper cars with their mobility scooters in the middle of a supermarket, and you expect me to simply let it slide? I'm not made of stone! It goes without saying that if Versus made this a weekly...
Jack Kent Cooke's Daughter Has Lots Of Moxie, Little Class
The daughter of former Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke is a feisty little lassie named Jacqueline Kent Cooke and, like most millionaire heiresses, she seems to have a problem with authority and a staggering sense of entitlement. That would explain why she sued the executors of her beloved dead fat...
Behold The Awesome Offensive Power Of American League Pitchers
Ha! Take that Hank Steinbrenner, you big dolt. Pitchers shouldn't hit? Felix Hernandez hit the first grand slam by an American League pitcher in 37 years, leading the Mariners over the Mets 5-2 on Monday night. Hernandez did get hurt; but not running the bases, as Steinbrenner imagines in his sweaty...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
They're Still Partying In Istanbul (Not Constantinople)
Turkey entered the knockout stage of Euro 2008 as the biggest underdog in the field, but yesterday they moved through to the semifinals in electrifying fashion. It appeared to be over for the Turks (especially to ESPN's Gamecaster) when Croatia's Ivan Klasnić netted a header to break the scoreless ...
Eli Manning And Wife In Desperate Need Of A Queer-Eyeing
The evolution of Eli Manning from underachieving dim-expressioned yokel to high society Super Bowl hero has hit a rough patch, as the fashionistas of the New York Post have lashed out at Eli and his new bride, Abby McGrew, for their questionable fashion sense during the recent snob-infested Contem...
The Des Moines Register Is Finally Understanding The Interweb
On Saturday, thanks to the awful flooding of Iowa, the Iowa Cubs played in front of zero fans in a 5-4 win over Nashville. The flooding has killed five, displaced thousands from their homes and caused millions of dollars in damage. Therefore, Black Heart Gold Pants, an Iowa football blog, posted a ...
Jose Lima Has An Eye For Talent
Jose Lima might never actually retire from baseball, but if he's looking to get into scouting duty sometime down the line, he's clearly well on his way....
Elijah Dukes Has Been Quiet Long Enough
Last week, Elijah Dukes hit a walk-off two-run homer to beat the Cardinals in the second game of a doubleheader. (It really was an awesome game.) Elijah, as Elijah is wont to do, celebrated a bit too vigorously, upsetting an umpire and his manager, Manny Acta. Thus was the fuse lit....
Your 2008 Israeli Baseball League Season Tickets Are Now Worth Bubkes
A sad day, folks: The Israeli Baseball League has cancelled its 2008 season. We don't want to point any fingers, but, uh, you know, the players were chosen by former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette. Might be a factor....
Celtics Use Rhythm Method, Belichick Craftiness To Beat Pistons
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's still wondering why the Celtics were all up in LeBron's junk last series. When he's not focusing on the sordid past, he can be found mocking the laughable present at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Ah, The Cultural Rewards Of Major League Baseball
The life of a Japanese player, when assimilated into a Major League Baseball clubhouse, can be difficult. You have to learn parts of other languages, deal with cultural differences you hadn't anticipated and, mostly, deal with the odd duck that is Jonathan Papelbon....
The Happiest Place On Earth, After Mom's Favorite Antique Store
For the last post before Mother's Day, it would only be appropriate to feature the professional athlete who's the closest to his mother. That would be Super Bowl MVP Buster Bluth Eli Manning, who finally took his requisite parade float down Main Street of Disneyland on Wednesday after missing it in ...
Ex-Associate Claims In Book That O.J. Confessed To Murder While High
The Associated Press (via SportsbyBrooks) got the advance scoop on a book to be released Monday by Mike Gilbert, a memorabilia dealer who profited off O.J. Simpson for years, claiming Simpson admitted to killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, after he was acquitted for her murder....
Reports Of Limatime's Demise Greatly Exaggerated
A few weeks ago, it seemed, the world was faced with the sad prospect of bidding farewell to Limatime when reports surfaced out of Korea that he had been released by the Kia Tigers. Mope no longer, lovers of exuberant pitchers with stacked wives, for not only is Limatime born anew with the Tigers, ...
Today In NSFW Theater: The Lee Elia Rant Is 25 Years Old
Today is the 25th anniversary of Lee Elia's infamous tirade against Cubs fans (language in video uncensored, NSFW). Is it the most notable tirade in sports history? Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy's "I'm a man! I'm 40!" rant gets more play, but has not yet stood the test of time. In the NF...
Reviewing The NFL Draft, As If Anybody Knows Anything
Some "experts" — you know, the people who decide who did a great job in a draft mere hours after it was completed and before, uh, anyone so much as puts on more than a hat — were up on the New England Patriots' selections at the NFL Draft this weekend. We couldn't tell you, but we did love any and a...
A Kiper-McShay Draft Day Hair Trade
The shocking Mel Kiper-Todd McShay follicle swap [The Sports Hernia]...
1st Round, Second Overall: Rams Take Chris Long
Did you know that Chris Long is Howie Long's son? No kidding! The media really has been doing a swell job keeping that tidbit under wraps. Yes, Long is the scion of the Hall of Fame lineman and impeccably-coiffed FOX analysis android. Howie Long was so spectacular in his playing days that a pass ru...