eli Page 167 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Having Eli Manning's Autograph More Humiliating Than Losing To Eli Manning
In the catalog of manufactured outrage, it's hard to think of a dumber example than Dallas players somehow being angry at Eli Manning for signing a wall in the new Cowboys Stadium. Plaster has never been so disrespected!...

Elin Gives Jaimee Grubbs The Janice Rossi Treatment
TMZ says Tiger's wife called the "Tool Academy" star and left this message: "You know who this is because you're fucking my husband." 2-R! Rossi! Get your own goddamn man! [TMZ]...

Tiger Woods And The World's Most Expensive Traffic Ticket
The Florida Highway Patrol has ended their investigation of the Thanksgiving Night mishap that Changed America Forever. No criminal charges will be filed. Just a small fine and a very big marital mess. So what do we know now?...

Chinese Crack Tiger Woods Case With Dramatic CGI Re-Enactment
Simply ... incredible. We are through the looking glass, people. [TMZ, MSF; See also this.]...

Tiger And Elin: A Match Made In Image-Management Heaven
The Daily Beast has a look at the life of possible SUV basher Elin Nordegren Woods, a discreet "cipher" of a woman who couldn't have been more perfect for Tiger if she'd come tattooed with a Nike Swoosh....

TMZ Wins The Weekend
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like TMZ, which might as well stand for "Tiger Media Zone" the way they've wrapped the Eldrick/Elin saga in a nice warm Snuggie of coverage....

Searching For....The Person Who Stole Grady Sizemore's Coffee Cup-Penis Photos From His Computer
Because Mr. Sizemore has requested an MLB detective help find the culprit. I'd check here and here, first, but it appears a Sizemore stalker still roams the internets. Be on high alert. Probably for this lady....

Bud Selig: Retrospecticus
In honor of the commish starting the three-year countdown clock until retirement, I thought it would be instructive to take a look at his tenure a fair and thorough manner: bullet points!...

Bud Selig To Step Down After 2012 Season
According to a report in the Chicago Tribune, Selig intends to call it quits after the 2012 season. If an official portrait is ever commissioned, I would suggest using the above photo. It seems...oddly fitting. [Chicago Tribune]...

And Now TMZ Turns Tiger Woods Into Lionel Richie With One Fateful Post
Here we go: "Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren — according to a conversation Woods had Friday after the accident." And when he tried to get away......

Tiger Woods "Accident" Story Just Gets More Preposterous By The Hour
The AP chimes in with this update: "A local police chief in Florida says Tiger Woods' wife used a golf club to smash out the back window and helped get the golfer out of the car." TMZ? More logical....

Yale Football Coach Out-Crazies Bill Belichick
Since our nation wasted approximately 82 million man-hours of productivity last week arguing about that stupid fourth-and-two, it's a bit surprising that we the people aren't more enraged by Yale's Tom Williams for raising the stakes for bonehead coaches everywhere....

Elizabeth Lambert Comes Full Circle
New Mexico roughhouser Elizabeth Lambert has done it all—she beat up a chick on television, became a national pariah, then a cautionary tale, and now has a soft-focus mea culpa in The New York Times. Next stop: Hollywood!...

Hey Dude In The Back...What Number Is Kansas Ranked?
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

ESPN Horndoggery Classic: Bill Creasy
The NY Post revealed some more of Bristol's unseemly history last Friday with a brief item about a 2004 harassment suit filed against ESPN's first president of programming, 74-year-old Bill Creasy. Here is the complaint, brimming with old man creepiness....

Searching For...Melissa Lima On Behalf Of Alcides Escobar's Estranged Wife
A movement is afoot. Hotshot Brewers prospect Alcides Escobar's ex-wife emailed us for Melissa Lima's contact info to involve her in an online petition about deadbeat major league ballplayers. Welcome to Jezespin....

Belichick Was Right
I enjoy a national shanking of Bill Belichick as much as anyone, but I'm with Neon here: Belichick, who has won three Super Bowls treating football the way an actuary treats a term life policy, made the smart call yesterday....

Peyton Manning Wins The Weekend
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Peyton Manning, who won the weekend when it was gift-wrapped with a pretty bow and handed to him by Bill Belichick....

No One Films The Belichick In Failure
The NFL Films cameraman gets taken down hard by one of the Dark Lord's minions (or his camera's cable), and Bill bids him a fond farewell. (Bonus animated gif, after the jump!)...

A Grim Look At Tim Tebow's Future?
Buried in a flimsy trend story about the, er....resurrection of "John 3:16" madness (courtesy of YouKnowWho, natch) is a more fascinating nugget about the true originator of the craze—who is serving three life terms in a California prison....