epl Page 32 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
José Mourinho Is Back, And He's His Old Shit-Talking Self
The José Mourinho Era at Manchester United officially kicked off today as the Portuguese manager was finally unveiled for the job he’s not-so-secretly pined after for years and we’ve all known he would get for months. Judging by the track suit he slipped into for the photo op on Old Trafford’s pitch...
Zlatan Ibrahimović Finally Confirms That He's Going To Manchester United
In an announcement shocking nobody, Zlatan Ibrahimović confirmed today that he will in fact be rejoining his old boss José Mourinho at Manchester United next season....
Jake Plummer Has Some Thoughts For "Billionaire Asshole" Jerry Jones
Former NFL QB Jake Plummer has reinvented himself as an advocate for medical marijuana as a safe, effective treatment for the pain and depression that so many players find themselves faced with when they leave the league. (Plummer even ran QB camps to raise money for research.) So Plummer definitely...
Jamie Vardy Snubs Arsenal, Agrees To New Contract With Leicester
So, remember just a couple weeks ago when Arsenal set the summer transfer rumor mill ablaze with their uncharacteristic, win-now bid for Leicester City’s Jamie Vardy, which threatened to seismically alter the Premier League landscape? Well, Vardy just killed all that today....
Holy Hell, Are Arsenal Really About To Buy Jamie Vardy?
Normally, we don’t like contributing to the transfer rumor-industrial complex, where newspapers and websites churn out story after story about hypothetical moves backed up with the thinnest evidentiary threads that almost never actually happen. This, however, is different. This is crazy....
Chelsea Literally Own "José Mourinho"
If you’re wondering why it’s been taking Manchester United and José Mourinho to seal their inevitable marriage, you’re not alone. With all the big things like salary and years and the like already hammered out per reports, all that’s left are the small details. Only the small details in internationa...
Who's Behind The Louis van Gaal Smear Campaign?
We’re reportedly only hours away from Manchester United’s beleaguered manager Louis van Gaal finally getting the ax, and maybe only days away from the similarly inevitable announcement that José Mourinho’s ass will replace van Gaal’s in that gilded though bloodstained manager’s seat at Old Trafford....
Why A Gut-Wrenching St. Totteringham's Day Could Be Just What Tottenham Needed
St. Totteringham’s Day, that annual spring tradition where Arsenal celebrate the moment they’ve definitively affixed local blood rivals Tottenham firmly in their league table rearview mirror for good. It is an achievement almost assumed by birthright at this point, like the Patriots winning the AFC ...
![Manchester Police: "Incredibly Lifelike" Explosive Device "Not Viable" [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ri7gbe6vjwdghrznmzeb.jpg)
Manchester Police: "Incredibly Lifelike" Explosive Device "Not Viable" [UPDATE]
Police have concluded their assessment of the suspicious package that led to the abandonment of today’s Manchester United-Bournmouth match, concluding that while the device was “incredibly lifelike,” it was “not viable.”...
![Suspicious Package At Old Trafford Leads To Match Abandonment [UPDATING]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/lqwu77vxrwfwsuidgmkd.jpg)
Suspicious Package At Old Trafford Leads To Match Abandonment [UPDATING]
Manchester United’s match against Bournemouth has been abandoned after a “Code Red” situation led to stands being evacuated and the discovery of a suspicious package....
Will Wilcox Sinks Hole-In-One, Goes On Extended High-Five Spree
Will Wilcox nailed a hole-in-one on the par-3 17th hole at the Players Championship today. The former UAB golfer celebrated accordingly....
Report: Everton To Fire Roberto Martínez Today
Well, that didn’t take long. After just three seasons at Everton—the first of which was a rousing success and seemed to mark the manager and club for coming greatness—Roberto Martínez is reportedly all set to be fired today. It’s both understandable and a little strange. Update: It’s official, he’s ...
Sunderland Smash Up Sorry-Ass Everton To More Or Less End The Premier League Season
So that’s pretty much it, eh? We already have our Premier League champions—whose coronation was catered by an exceedingly accommodating Everton team—at the top of the table, and at the bottom we also know which teams are going down, thanks to Sunderland’s victory today, again brought to us by Everto...
Remember When Eden Hazard Did Dope Shit Like This All The Time?
It was only a year ago when Eden Hazard, the pearl of the Chelsea juggernaut that cruised to the title, was skipping and shimmying his way past Premier League defenses with the rakish spirit and effortless grace of one of those dancing tough guys in West Side Story. This year, for both Hazard and hi...
A Bunch Of West Ham Fans Attack Manchester United's Bus, Delaying Game
Right now, West Ham and Manchester United should be well into a crucial Premier League match, the final one at West Ham’s famed Boleyn Ground stadium. Instead, police postponed the game for 45 minutes because West Ham fans went crazy United’s team bus:...
Manchester United Have A Golden Opportunity; Let's See If They Blow It
Somehow, after yet another disappointing season, Manchester United still have so much to play for....
Leicester City Got Their Trophy, And It Still Doesn't Seem Real
Somehow, a pregame special guest performance by none other than famed classical tenor Andrea Bocelli—where he went on for about ten minutes bringing “Nessun Dorma” and “Con te partirò” to a rowdy and somewhat confused crowd that was more interested in belting out the lyrics to their own little ditti...
Aston Villa Supporters Protest Relegation By Interrupting Match With Inflatables
Aston Villa supporters interrupted today’s match against Newcastle with a flood of beach balls, sex dolls, and other inflatables as the last-place team prepares for relegation from the Premiership....
How Did Lalita Babar Put Up The World-Leading Steeple Time?
Notice anything strange about Letsrun’s listing of the world-leading performances from last weekend?...
Hating-Ass West Ham Owner Thinks Leicester's Title Was All Luck
If this were any other year, West Ham would be one of the biggest stories in the Premier League. Here’s a club playing some of the prettiest soccer in the league, paced by hidden diamond Dimitri Payet, and has performed so well so consistently that they are still pressing for a Champions League spot...