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Cockblocked By A Rape Joke!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
A Statistical Analysis Of "Macho Man" Randy Savage's Halfway Decent Professional Baseball Career
Randy Poffo spent four season in the minors, playing in the Cardinals and Reds systems, and never rising above Single-A ball. He put down his bat for good in 1975 and picked up a steel chair and became known to the world as Randy Savage, his brief and unremarkable baseball career amounting to nothin...
Ranking The 10 End-Of-The-Human-Race Scenarios
The Rapture is scheduled for tomorrow, and this is roughly the 17th time in my life that all of us were supposed to die according to some kind of vague, medieval prediction. All of these Rapture predictions, of course, are born of hubris. Everyone wants to believe that they will be alive during the ...
"Macho Man" Randy Savage Killed In Car Accident
"TMZ spoke with Randy's brother, Lanny Poffo, who tells us the wrestling legend suffered a heart attack while he was behind the wheel around 10 AM ... and lost control of his vehicle." [TMZ]...
Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part III: The Fetid Breath Of The Bligle
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit chokes on a crab puff at a cocktail party. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All Dave McKenna CV.")...
Here's Video Of Kevin Durant Posterizing Brendan Haywood Of The Mavericks
Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder turned the Mavericks' Brendan Haywood into a highlight-reel prop before the end of the first quarter of Game Two of the Western Conference Championship series. The Thunder went on to win the game 106-100 and even the series at one all....
ESPN And Publisher Alike: None Of These Guys Are Having Any Fun
Not two days since the embargo was lifted, the giant dragon fart of a book known as Those Guys Have All the Fun has left both publisher and subject alike strategizing about a new defense. Yes, ESPN officially threw together a semi-emergency town hall meeting ("tent"!!!!) earlier this afternoon for s...
The Decision About LeBron's <em>Decision</em> Was An Orgy Of Self-Interest, With Jim Gray On Top
There's a brief section about The Decision in Those Guys Have All the Fun, and if the details aren't exactly fresh, the takeaway is somewhat new: Everyone involved was using everyone else for their own ends to produce what amounted to a massive orgy that they all came to regret the next day. And LeB...
Three Stooges Diversion Makes For Soccer's Greatest Set Piece
We're just seeing this now, but it needs to be seen. It's a brilliant piece of misdirection, and if I were on the victimized team, I'd want to kick someone's shins. [via Fark]...
And We'll End The First Day Of The ESPN Book Freakout With This Little Tidbit From The Intro
"Deadspin editor A.J. Daulerio felt he couldn't handle spending the entire day cozying to ESPN's big kahunas, so he dispatched "Blazer Girl," the blog's answer to Lois Lane, to cover the event. If Daulerio is hoping she will go all Woodward and Bernstein on ESPN, however, he's going to be disappoint...
Chris Berman On <em>You're With Me, Leather</em>: "Mr. Kornheiser Chose To Run With It."
While the long-standing Kornheiser-Berman beef doesn't have the same initial draw of, say, Beadle-Andrews, its appearance in Those Guys Have All The Fun does lead us to the alleged root of everyone's favorite alleged pick-up line: You're with me, Leather....
Bill Simmons, Big Swinging Dick
Here's a fun passage from Those Guys Have All the Fun, addressing Bill Simmons's two-week suspension over his tweeting in 2009. ...
ESPN Book Will Make Things Even More Uncomfortable Between Michelle Beadle And Erin Andrews
Michelle Beadle freely admits that she's not a fan of Erin Andrews. "Everyone who knows me knows that," she tells me. It hasn't affected any of the hierarchy at ESPN at this point, but Beadle's admission in the new ESPN oral history that she watched Erin's peephole vid could put the WWL in the preca...
Dirk Nowitzki, Boring Assassin
While you watch this video of every single Dirk Nowitzki free throw from last night, chew on this: Is it possible that Dirk, long-hailed as an elite NBA player, might have been underrated and unappreciated these past 13 years? Is it possible that Dirk, in a final four showcasing Kevin Durant, Derr...
Now They're Making Fun Of Jay Cutler In The Wisconsin Senate Race
Poor Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler did not ask for any of this. He did not ask to be born with the most hangdoggery hangdog face of all time. He did not ask for you to question his toughness. And he did not ask to become the punchline in the Wisconsin Senate Race. But that is what has happened....
A Children's Treasury Of Athletes Breaking Trophies
Who: Pasi Nurminen, former NHL player and Finland goalie coach....
Can You Filibuster Your Own Execution?
Last Saturday I was supposed to sing the National Anthem at a Richmond Revolution game. The Richmond Revolution are a team in the Indoor Football League. What I didn't know is that Richmond Revolution are the only team in the Indoor Football League that plays its games OUTSIDE, and are therefore sub...
LeBron, Wade, Bosh "Human Centipede" Sign Too Gross For Display Inside United Center
But according to CB Probasco, artist and season ticketholder, the sign was a big hit outside the arena. Suggested headline from Brett, another participant, was "FEED HER! Taj Gibson Certainly Did," but I didn't want to ruin this poster with that haunting imagery. Too late, I guess....
The Photo Of Taj Gibson's Dunk On Dwyane Wade Will Replace Bruce Lee Posters Across America
Via the NBA Photo Twitter feed, we present to you the posterization of Dwyane Wade (click here to see the full view), who is usually the one doing the posterizing. To his credit, Wade has been only complimentary and self-deprecating about the dunk that was seen 'round the American couches and barsto...
"We're On A Fucking Roll, Dude": The 1993 Profile Of Lenny Dykstra That Warned Us What Was Coming
Originally published as "Lips Gets Smacked" in the January 1993 issue of Philadelphia Magazine and later anthologized in The Best American Sports Writing 1994. Reprinted here with the author's permission and his addendum at bottom....