fire Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

So, About That Cubs-Lighting-Their-Farts Story
By now you've probably heard the rumor that Chicago's Jeff Baker missed time because he burned his backside trying to light a fart in the clubhouse. We thought this was worth some investigation....

Here's An Exclusive Clip From Tonight's <em>Parks And Recreation</em>, Featuring Detlef Schrempf
Friend of the site Ken Tremendous/Michael Schur/Mose Schrute broke a lot of hearts when he left Fire Joe Morgan to create and executive produce Parks and Recreation, but it's probably for the best....

Dez Bryant's Non-Streetwalking Mother Upset That Jeff Ireland Has Not Apologized To Her
"No, he has not called. I think he should have. Why wouldn't you do that?," she complained to Fanhouse. Maybe Ireland still thinks he would risk a solicitation charge if he called her directly....

A Hockey Trucking To End All Hockey Truckings
In Game 3 of the OHL Championship Series last night, Barrie's Darren Archibald decided he didn't even want to play Game 4 and proceeded to check Windsor goalie Philipp Grubauer into the Northwest Territories. Naturally, a fight broke out. H/T Justin....

Dumb Honky Radio Guy Fired For Doing On Twitter What Everyone In Sports Talk Does On Air
Bacsik, the former Nats reliever and leading demographer of the American Southwest, has been fired by KTCK-AM's parent company for all that "dirty Mexicans" business on Twitter the other day. Because sports-talk radio is no place for casual racism and half-drunk stupidity....

The NFL's Worst Human Being Works For The Dolphins
It comes out that the exec who asked Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute was Miami GM Jeff Ireland. Hey, Parcells wasn't hung up on character as a coach, why should he change in the front office? [Yahoo!]...

Jets' Courtship Of Jason Taylor Is Pissing Everyone Off
Taylor's in town to meet with Rex Ryan and company. Dolphins fans are apoplectic. Jets fans are inconsolable. This is pretty much a win-win situation for everyone....

David Mamet's All-Caps Memo To TV Writers Is Delightful: "The Scene Is A Crock Of Shit"
Slashfilm got a hold of a David Mamet memo (say that three times fast and cuss profusely) to the writing staff of The Unit, a show he created. Simply put, he isn't pleased with their work. FUCK THE MACHINE! [Slashfilm]...

Seton Hall Fires Bobby Gonzalez, Leader Of Cock-Punchers And Alleged Burglars
Bobby Gonzalez was doomed the moment reporters got his former secretary to bag on him, but if there's a proper day to get canned, it's probably the day after your erstwhile charges engage in some nutpunching and (alleged) burgling....

Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat Acronym Humor
Ladies and germs, I give you Jerry Thornton of WEEI....

Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat Acronym Humor
Ron Borges, ladies and germs, on UZR: "I thought those were the initials of a former Russian state only to learn it means Ultimate Zone Rating." [Boston Herald]...

Mike Leach Saga Slowly Morphing Into An Outtake From <em>Rio Bravo</em>
Chris Level of RedRaiderSports.com reports that Mike Leach is filing a motion in his lawsuit against Texas Tech, and "the crowd at the courthouse is growing by the minute." [@ChrisLevel]...

Rocket's Red Glare Too Much For Blue Jay
NBA players pull guns on each other in the locker room. MLB players shoot themselves in the face with fireworks. And we wonder why kids don't dream of being baseball players anymore....

Gilbert Arenas And Teammate In Gun Standoff (UPDATE)
It's barely 2010 and already this year has exceeded my expectations: Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas reportedly drew a fucking gun on teammate Javaris Crittenton, who did likewise. From the NY Post:...

Mike Leach Fired
"Terminated with cause effective immediately," according to the school's letter, which was handed to Leach's attorney just before today's hearing on the suspension. [AP]...

Minnesota "Wild Fire" Pun Used in Headline
Oh, here is some non-skeleton racing news, for you! Everything the Minnesota Wild own burst into flames in Canada, yesterday. Everything! Also they all have the flu....

South Jersey Pep Rally Turns Into Jerry Bruckheimer Film
Did your high school have a Thanksgiving bonfire? Did it explode, shaking the ground for 7 miles around and injuring a firefighter? If not, then yours sucked. [Press Of Atlantic City]...

In Detroit, Even Production Trucks Are Burning
A small fire in an FSN Detroit production truck prevented Pistons fans at home from watching most of the second half of Detroit's 104-96 loss to the Los Angeles Clippers. So, there you go. [USA Today/AP]...

Football-Talking Person Shaun King "Let Go" By Tumultuous Company In Bristol
Apparently, this had nothing to do with him getting handsy with the wrong people either. Strictly for "performance" reasons, ESPN snitches say. Bully for Shaun....

HGH Is P.O.'ed At T.O.
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....