football Page 269 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here Is A Delightful Anecdote From Cameron Jordan About The Browns Being Incompetent
Now, everyone knows that former Cal defensive lineman Cameron Jordan was selected with the 24th overall pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. What the Tom Heckert/Pat Shurmur–era Browns presupposed at the time was....maybe he wasn’t?...
Please Stop Praising The Idiot Football Men For Dressing Poorly In Cold Weather<em></em>
As you might have heard, it’s cold outside in large portions of the country today. It’s so cold that (PSA: there is no punchline forthcoming) the National Weather Service has warned citizens of Chicago that frostbite can set in after just five minutes of exposure to such extreme temperatures. Has th...
Hate The Patriots For The Right Reason
The idea as pitched was to do one more takeout of the essential evil that is the New England Patriots collective—because, yeah, that’s never been done before. Up until now, it’s been one hagiography after another, because the Patriots have been so damned cuddly and cheek-pinchable. The helmet logo i...
I Went Backstage At The Puppy Bowl And Tried To Interview A Bunch Of Puppies
The Puppy Bowl began as Super Bowl counterprogramming. Everyone’s watching football, so why not just throw a bunch of puppies on the screen and call it a day? Somehow, that worked not just as filler but as actual programming. The Puppy Bowl airs Sunday for the 15th straight year....
A Brief History Of Dan Snyder’s Superyachts, Which Have Put Him In Elizabeth Warren's Crosshairs
The two greatest days in Dan Snyder’s life are the day he buys a boat, and the day he buys a bigger boat....
<i>Madden</i> Is As Full Of Anonymous Players As The NFL Itself
It’s hardly a selling point, but this year’s edition of Madden has the real Kyle Lauletta. The game’s rendering of the Giants’ rookie quarterback—who stepped into a blowout win against Washington in Week 13 to throw five incompletions and a pick and then meekly returned to clipboard and donut-gofer ...
Jason Witten Broke The Damn Pro Bowl Trophy
Here’s the most Pro Bowl shit ever: Jason Witten broke the Pro Bowl trophy while trying to award it to AFC team members Patrick Mahomes and Jamal Adams....
Patrick Mahomes Cared Enough About His Pro Bowl Performance To Drop An F-Bomb On Live TV
One of the feeble attempts at making the Pro Bowl seem somewhat interesting has been broadcasting quarterback cadences and conversations as they’re on the field. But even that nearly fell apart....
Report: Washington Will Be "Pleasantly Surprised" If Alex Smith Is Ready To Play Next Season
Washington is going into its offseason preparations with the expectation that starting quarterback Alex Smith will not be available to play next year, according to NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport....
Jon Gruden Marks Senior Bowl Standouts With Raiders Stickers So He Doesn't Forget Who He Liked
Turns out that when Jon Gruden said he wanted to bring back coaching strategies from 1998, he also meant motivational tactics from that era as well. As Gruden and the rest of his Raiders staff coached the North to a 34-24 victory over the South in this year’s Senior Bowl, he decided congratulate eac...
NFL Finally Takes Action On Uncalled Hit That Cost The Saints A Super Bowl Trip
By now, you’re probably sick of hearing about Rams cornerback Nickell Robey-Coleman’s hit on Saints wideout Tommylee Lewis in the NFC Championship Game, which failed to draw a penalty flag that would have all but clinched the game for New Orleans. Since that play, everyone from current Saints player...
Useless Senator From Louisiana Takes To The Floor To Moan About The Saints Game
The U.S. government entered day 35 of its shutdown today. Hundreds of thousands of federal employees have not been paid in over a month, the airline industry is on the brink of total collapse, and the lines outside food banks get longer every day. Meanwhile, Louisiana Republican Senator Bill Cassid...
If You're A Kicker Who Needs A Job You Should Think About Visiting Chicago
The Chicago Bears were double-doinked out of the playoffs by placekicker Cody Parkey, who then made an appearance on Today before anyone really had a chance to start feeling sorry for him. The Bears brass seemed pretty pissed about Parkey going on TV, and now he is officially on the hot seat:...
Five-Star USC Wideout Bru McCoy Got Screwed By Kliff Kingsbury
In an otherwise disappointing 2019 recruiting class for a USC football team coming off a 5-7 season, wide receiver Bru McCoy was the undisputed gem. A five-star ranked by some as one of the top 10 players in the country, the California native McCoy, together with fellow wideout Kyle Ford, was primed...
Broncos Owner's Son Goes On Some Kind Of Rant About Mike Shanahan And Vic Fangio
The Denver Broncos’ season is over and their coaching staff has mostly been filled out, but the protracted fight over which of owner Pat Bowlen’s children will take over the team is still raging on. The lucky kid will either be Bethany Bowlen Wallace or Brittany Bowlen. It will most certainly not be...
Let's All Calm Down About Tony Romo
Mike Tyson was a predictable boxer. Michael Jordan was a predictable basketball player. Tom Brady is a predictable football player. It doesn’t matter how hard you study. If you’re not good enough, you will lose. That’s the predictable part....
![Jamal Adams Says He Didn't Mean To Light Up Patriots Mascot [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/mr37923bh6d3icbkzqsa.gif)
Jamal Adams Says He Didn't Mean To Light Up Patriots Mascot [Update]
Jets defensive back Jamal Adams had a little fun—or thought he was having a little fun—by delivering the boom on his division rival’s mascot Pat Patriot at the Pro Bowl festivities Wednesday. It was a solid hit, and the person in the suit played it off like everything was okay....
Derek Carr Seeks Dana White's Help In Challenging Max Kellerman To An "Octagon Fight"
Let us now embark on a tortuous NFL offseason journey that includes all of our favorite dummies and involves a starting quarterback trying to challenge two-thirds of First Take to an “octagon fight.”...
Let's Just Keep Doing This Shit Forever!
There’s no sense in waiting for it at this point. The New England Patriots, who have been shitting up the mid-winter for sports fans throughout this entire terrible millennium, are not remotely close to going away, not any more than, say, measles or famine are close to going away. They’re a problem,...