football Page 287 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Dallas Cowboys Are Still A Mess

The Dallas Cowboys added wide receiver Amari Cooper in a trade with the Oakland Raiders during their bye week. It helped! Cooper was the Cowboys’ leading receiver, catching 5 passes for 58 yards and a score on Monday night. It didn’t help the Cowboys win, of course: They lost at home to the Tennesse...

Le'Veon Bell Has Reached The "Sending Fake-Deep Tweets" Stage Of His Holdout

Because James Conner is good and the Steelers are 5-2, everyone seems to have decided that Le’Veon Bell’s extended holdout was a bad idea. This new consensus may be wearing on Bell, based on these two weird tweets he sent yesterday:...

Let's Remember The NFL's Greatest Forgotten Coaching Rant

Behind the scenes, whenever he might have been shooting the shit or just taking questions from reporters when there weren’t cameras around, Jerry Burns had a penchant for weaving curse words into whatever he was saying. ...

Vance Joseph To Demaryius Thomas: Please Stop Pointing Out How Much We Suck

Vance Joseph is not a fan of Demaryius Thomas airing out his grievances to the media about how the Broncos disrespected and misled him throughout this season. Since beating the Broncos 19-17 with his new team, Thomas has been answering any and all questions about the organization’s ineptitude....

Five JV Football Players Charged With Rape After Allegedly Assaulting Teammates With Broomstick

Montgomery County (Md.) police have charged a quintet of junior varsity football players from Damascus High School with a variety of rape offenses after they allegedly assaulted two of their teammates with a broomstick and attempted to do the same to two others on Halloween night. Damascus is a powe...

Dez Bryant Teaches Us A Very Valuable Lesson About Never Settling For The Browns

Dez Bryant has finally found a team that’ll give him what he wants, and it’s a pretty good team, too. The New Orleans Saints have agreed to sign the former Cowboys receiver to a one-year deal for the rest of the season....

Don’t Force Your Sports Fandom Onto Other People’s Kids, You Asshole<em></em>

Today, we’re talking about French fries, cocaine, college football, and more....

Ass Team Of The Week: The Jets Would Like To Welcome You To Self-Loathing Football Season

I would like to talk to you about self-loathing football season....

Kevin Byard Did T.O. Proud With His Celebration On The Cowboys' Star

Millennials live in a golden age of nostalgia. After our entire conscious lifetimes were spent standing idly by as boomers were pandered to with things from their childhood, finally it is our turn to be pandered to! The music we liked is sampled and aped. The fashion is back in. Entire media conglo...

Titans Trouble My Brain With Amazing Sleight Of Hand Touchdown

The Titans scored an uncommonly slick and cool touchdown in the third quarter of Monday night’s game against the Cowboys. On second and two from the Cowboys seven-yard line, Marcus Mariota took a shotgun snap and handed it to Dion Lewis, who was immediately slammed to the turf by DeMarcus Lawrence f...

Lions Loss Leaves Kelly Stafford Defending Her Husband And Matt Patricia Struggling For Answers

The Detroit Lions are not the worst team in the NFL. Their 3-5 record has them out of the playoff picture but also out of the league’s subbasement. Their point differential, while not very good at -30, is a mere fifth-worst in the NFC, and it’s far more respectable than Buffalo’s -145 or Oakland’s -...

When The Patriots Play Without Gronk, They Still Carry His Spirit

Bart Scott Rips Todd Bowles As Jets Combust

Nothing sours a locker room like a stout defense coming to resent the offense for being unable to score. It happened in Seattle, it happened in Jacksonville, and it is happening on the Jets. Following an unwatchable 13-6 loss to the Dolphins, left tackle Kelvin Beachum, unprompted, kicked off his po...

Why Did NBC Air Trump's Racist Caravan Ad During <i>Sunday Night Football</i>? [Update]

During last night’s broadcast of Sunday Night Football on NBC, the network aired a political ad produced by the Trump administration which carried a message of gutter racism....

At Least Nathan Peterman Led The Bills In Rushing? 

You’d better be prepared for the Nathan Peterman Experience, because if you’re not he’s going to run your ass over. ...

Michael Thomas’s Cell Phone Celebration Was Cool, No Matter What The Announcers Said

It was a great game. The Saints scored 35 first-half points, with Drew Brees throwing for three scores. Jared Goff led the Rams all the way back from a 21-point deficit to tie things up in the fourth. Then, late in the fourth quarter, the Saints had the ball in their own territory leading by just th...

Michael Thomas Pays Homage To Joe Horn With Flip Phone Touchdown Celebration

Michael Thomas caught a 72-yard touchdown to give the Saints a double-digit lead with under four minutes to play against the undefeated Los Angeles Rams. But things got better for New Orleans: Thomas celebrated the touchdown by recreating the Joe Horn touchdown cell phone celebration from 2003. A to...

Seahawks Continue To Be This Season's Celebration Kings

The Seahawks have already shown that they’re more than capable of pulling off some impressive touchdown celebrations, but they decided to step up the choreography for this week. After Russell Wilson connected with Jaron Brown on a 10-yard touchdown pass in the back of the end zone, the team’s receiv...

The Vikings Defense Ate Matthew Stafford Alive

After starting the season with wins against Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, the Lions have gone from a team that had dark horse potential to one that is definitively ass. This afternoon, the Vikings took advantage....

Julio Jones Finally Scored A Goddamn Touchdown

It took over seven games, 59 receptions and 898 yards but Julio Jones finally scored his first touchdown of the season. Matt Ryan connected with his star receiver on a 3rd-and-two screen pass at Washington’s 35-yard line. The recently-traded HaHa Clinton-Dix almost forced Jones to fall before crossi...