fuck Page 38 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Colorado To The Pac-10, World Shifts On Its Axis
PANIC! SCHOOL IN COLORADO WILL PLAY SPORTS AGAINST SCHOOLS ON WEST COAST RATHER THAN SCHOOLS IN MIDWEST, SOUTHWEST! [AP]...
Today In "Bryce Harper Is A No-Good Hothead"
Bryce Harper is good at baseball and he knows it. He has a reputation as a bit of a whippersnapper, though, and after getting ejected last night for making a gesture at an ump, that rep will continue to grow....
Renovated MSG To Bring Sports Arenas Into (A Six-Year-Old's View Of) The Future
The first thing that jumps out at you in the renderings of the new-and-improved Madison Square Garden are two "sky bridges" that hang over the floor. Gimmicky? Yep. Sure to be ridiculously-priced for something higher than the highest nosebleeds? You betcha....
How To Change A Fucking Diaper
In honor of Mother's Day, and with a nod to The Awl, here is your belligerent guide to changing a kid's filth-laden diaper. You're welcome, assholes....
<em>Newsday</em> Sports Section Adopts Strict Policy Of Blowing Sunshine Up Your Ass
Newsday, a collection of tire ads that old people leave lying around diners in Farmingdale, is cracking down on any use of sarcasm or name-calling or "negative characterization" in its corpse of a sports section. To which I say: Brilliant idea, assholes!...
Color Me Fucking Shocked: Dick Vitale Loves Tim Tebow
You had to know Vitale would have a chubby for Tebow, the embodiment of heart. It was inevitable. The college basketball sportscaster chimes in today with an unbearable column about why Tebow should be taken high in the draft....
Jim Nantz, You Suck! Goddammit!
Nantz pronounces himself appalled at Tiger's naughty language. "How about the father and son who are standing right there by the tee? How about the hundreds of people who are around that tee who hear that?" How about you fuck yourself? [Chron.com]...
Ehhhh...Fuck Off, Dale Hansen
"That story we had earlier tonight about Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, if that's what it is (and our news director thinks it is), is yet another example of the decline of journalism as we once knew it." [WFAA]...
Kevin Garnett: "We Were Playing Michael Fucking Jordan"
A live mic and a player upset with the officiating always make for an interesting combo. Kevin Garnett did not disappoint:...
Hulking Man-Mountain And Pixie Companion Pretend To Be Dead Dolphins
Yup, that's Wladimir Klitschko and Hayden Panettiere protesting a Japanese fishing village's annual dolphin hunt. It could be effective, as it probably reminds the locals of this. [AP]...
David Mamet's All-Caps Memo To TV Writers Is Delightful: "The Scene Is A Crock Of Shit"
Slashfilm got a hold of a David Mamet memo (say that three times fast and cuss profusely) to the writing staff of The Unit, a show he created. Simply put, he isn't pleased with their work. FUCK THE MACHINE! [Slashfilm]...
How To Tap A Fucking Keg
We asked Awl contributor Abe Sauer to write a profanity-filled, Spring Break-themed servicey piece, one that could be useful for both dopey sun-poisoned college kids and backyard BBQ enthusiasts. The Awl agreed to let us borrow its occasional series. Enjoy....
Four Important Things To Know So Your Spring Break Won't Suck
A few weeks ago, I asked you for your very worst Spring Break horror stories. Here is mine....
"Here Are 10 Things To Expect After You Turn 30"
This Black Table article was published, shit, six years ago and I'm encouraged by the fact that it is still as painful now as it was on March 18, 2004. Getting older is not fun. Make it stop....
Even Monkeys Go To Rehab
Yes, unless this report comes from an Onion-style Russian newspaper, it appears a monkey hooked on alcohol and cigarettes has been sent to rehab. The world is a vampire. [Montreal Gazette]...
"The 40 Most Sexual Photos Of The Olympics," Claims Blog
Yes, I would agree that there are some very Kama Sutra-inspired photos contained in this gallery. I believe this is one the kids call "The Egyptian Magic Wheelbarrow," if I'm not mistaken....
ESPN's Scott Van Pelt Explains Why He F-Bombed
ESPN SportsCenter anchor Scott Van Pelt has unfortunately been YouTube kindling twice this week, but has handled both incidents remarkably well. He explains last night's open mic screw-up in an email to Deadspin....
Last Time I Took Ambien, I Had A Weird Dream About Scarlett Johansson And Axl Rose Playing Ping Pong
"On Tuesday of this week...[J]ohansson was seen playing pingpong with Rose at SPiN. "They were laughing the whole time," says a spy. "They looked like they were having fun." Woah. [NYPost]...
Bus Fightin' Man Already An Oakland Legend
As noted earlier, the punchy old man who likes to deliver beat downs on Oakland bus riders appears to have been identified and it was not, as they say, "his first rodeo."...
Old Man Gives Young Whippersnapper What For (UPDATE)
Word to the wise: When a (possibly racist) 67-year-old man wearing an "I AM a motherfucker" t-shirt gives you guff on an Oakland bus, just let it go. Or go home and get your shine box....