fuck Page 39 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Annals Of Improbable Bylines: Liz Phair In <em>The Atlantic Monthly</em>, Writing About NASCAR
The blowjob queen visits the Checker O'Reilly Auto Parts 500: "I've never been to a NASCAR race. I picture a bunch of rednecks dousing themselves with beer and slapping their wives on the ass." Strange loop, indeed. [The Atlantic]...

The Astros Are Confident Brett Myers Won't Punch His Wife In The Face Anymore
"We did our due diligence, we talked to the Phillies, we talked to Brett and we're satisfied that this is not going to be an ongoing problem." [Philly.com]...

Layla Kiffin Will Become New Head Coach's Wife At USC
Unreal. After all his distracting, rule-bending bravado in one year at Tennessee, Lane Kiffin has, according to multiple outlets, signed on to replace Pete Carroll at USC. In addition to his wife, Kiffin's also bringing dad to Southern Cal....

Mets Win Jason Bay Sweepstakes, Capping Glorious 2009
Mike Francesa broke the news (really?) that Jason Bay is going to the Mets, pending his turn-and-cough with the doctors. Yay, for legit sports news! (Also, the Giants, worried about appearing too youthful, signed 34-year-old Mark DeRosa.) [DailyNews/AP]...

Moment Of The Decade? Moment Of The INFINITY
The Sporting Blog is in the middle of their own decade commemoration and asked contributors to name their sporty moment of the decade. Dan Levy picks the grammatically-challenged 2008 Phillies battle cry that birthed a World Fuckin' Champion. [SportingBlog]...

The Year In... Mutton
So the last month has been chock full of end-of-decade retrospectives in addition to the typical end-of-year remembrances. We'll do our own anyway. Today, to start: mutton-bustin'. Like you expected anything else....

Yankees Hope To Revive Glory Days Of The First Half Of The 2004 ALCS
Javier Vazquez's last start for the New York Yankees left the franchise flying pretty darn high. Everything after that was a bit of a blur, but why not give it another whirl? Watch your hands, because this is a HOTFUCKINGSTOVE!...

Jason Marquis Final Key To The Nationals 20-Year Rebuilding Plan
Those frisky Nats have bolstered their pitching staff by nabbing someone on their wish list and the Mets continue to be enamored with Japanese players. Jayson Stark sports a mighty chub for springtime so you know it's time for HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....

Milton Bradley Will Now Be Mistreated By A New Fan Base
The Chicago sports media trade Milton Bradley to Seattle for the remains of Carlos Silva. Nick Johnson will compete for a spot on the Yankees' disabled list. Ladies and gentlemen, this is HOT FUCKING STOVE....

Nick Johnson Clogs Buster Olney's Bases
Ken Rosenthal thinks the Red Sox will go Gonzo and that Matt Holliday might consider signing with the Orioles because of God. Buster Olney calls Nick Johnson a "base-clogger," which makes me sad. Read on. HOT FUCKING STOVE....

Pitchers Make Everyone Swoon (AND ANGRY!)
Rich Harden signs his life over to Arlington and El Fightins will do the awkward here's-your-jersey presentation with Roy Halladay at 5 p.m. Buster Olney's grinding the Jamey Carroll beat. And why does Buster only follow this dude? HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....

And It Appears The Phillies Are Close To Landing Roy Halladay
WHAT? So confused. Three-way trade with Seattle? Cliff Lee to Seattle? Roy Halladay to Phillies? Little people to Toronto? Somebody make some goddamn sense already. [Philly.com]...

Excavating Bill Simmons: NY Mag Writers Take On That Big Ol' Book Of Basketball
Jonathan Lethem; Sam Anderson; Sherman Alexie; Bethlehem Shoals. Oh, and Tommy Craggs, who takes off his angry pants for a little bit but manages to somehow squeeze in a reference to Astral Weeks. [NYmag]...

A.J., Call Your Mother.
Bad news, unapproved commenters: this is the last post of the night from us. DUAN is how you say it?...

The Perfect Gift For The Kris Brown Fan In Your Life
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Everything You Need To Know About What It's Like To Do Color Analysis For Richmond Vs. Villanova
I'm sure when he says "bum" he means "hero" and when he says "end this fucking game" he means "what an exciting 4th quarter." [Bsmeddy You Tube]...

Yankee Bromances Abundant In City Of Sleeplessness
I can't really condemn these scruffy-faced Yankee fans for their jubilant man-love after the Yankees World Series victory. I probably made out with at least three dudes at Dirty Frank's last year after the Phillies won....

Fight For Your Right To Fight
Interesting couple weeks around these parts. The distractions are so prevalent that it's easy to forget that, lo, your team is in the World Series....

Why Your Stadium Sucks: Yankee Stadium
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: Yankee Fucking Stadium....

Phillies Female Fan Offers Sexual Favors In Exchange For WS Tickets
These stories seem to pop up every year, most of them on Craig's List ads. It figures a Phillies fan would be the one who actually gets busted for it. Come on, Mom! [PhillyBurbs, MyFoxPhilly]...