fun Page 50 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Snackbots, Astrobating, And Magic Condiment Fingers
I have a question for all the commenters out there: Would you star in a porn film if someone asked you? A real porn film that gets posted on the Internet and everywhere else. You get paid. Like say, two hundred bucks. And you get to have sex with a top tier porn star, like Lisa Ann or someone like t...
Manwhores, Gays, And Pantomimed Couch Lifting
The Oscars are on Sunday, which means it's time for me to spend the week processing any number of scenarios in which I am involved in the ceremony. I watch the stupid Oscars every year, and they grow more insufferable on an annual basis. Yet that will never stop me from daydreaming of the day I get ...
Wizards, Donuts, Knives, And Cannibalistic Fruits
Boner from Growing Pains committed suicide last week, and that left me sad. More important, it made me remember that I used to watch that show religiously, and spent a great deal of my childhood imaging that I was Mike Seaver. There was one episode where Carol brings home some new friend: a smoking ...
Sexbots, Virginity, And A Heartwarming Joe Biden Poop Story
I have a serious recurring problem. Once a month or so, I will walk into a door before I have opened it. I go to a door, I grab the knob, and I begin pushing the door in before I have begun twisting the knob. Sometimes, I'll give the door full-on shoulder check before I have to back off, twist the k...
Birth, Peanut Butter, And Assorted Condiments
My kid has become obsessed with flashlights, which makes sense because I've NEVER stopped enjoying playing with flashlights. Seriously, flashlights are awesome. You can shine them directly in people's eyes. You can point them at the wall and shake them to make cool patterns. LOOK! A CIRCLE OF LIGHT!...
Just Imagine If He'd Won Gold
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Lindsey Vonn's Brother Shows Support With Idiotic Haircut
America's downhill darling has a brother, who has some clippers, so he did this to head. Louis Vuitton must be so pleased....
Subway Fantasies, Fire, Sex Dolls, And Ingrown Hairs
I was watching "Archer" the other night and they had Archer's mom stranded on a shitty fishing boat that was named CHUM GUZZLER. That's a fucking win. Onto the letters....
The Deadspin Mailbag: Now Twice A Week
A bit of news before we get to the letters today. First off, I'm rechristening the Deadspin mailbag the Deadspin Funbag. It makes sense for what we do here. Secondly, you don't want funbags unless they come in pairs. That goes without saying. So I'm expanding the mailbag to twice a week. Not splitti...
Moment Of The Decade? Moment Of The INFINITY
The Sporting Blog is in the middle of their own decade commemoration and asked contributors to name their sporty moment of the decade. Dan Levy picks the grammatically-challenged 2008 Phillies battle cry that birthed a World Fuckin' Champion. [SportingBlog]...
Redskins Owner Surprisingly Tone Deaf on Issue of Racial Sensitivity
White guy Dan Snyder fired white guy Vinny Cerrato and immediately replaced him with white guy Bruce Allen, so that he can bring in either white guy Mike Shanahan or THIS (white) GUY Jon Gruden. Isn't there some rule...?...
A-HOLE COACH DIGEST: "Yeah, That's It. Now Wash His Chest."
Welcome to Asshole Coach Digest, where we regale you Deadspin folk with stories of the meanest, cruelest, most batshit insane coaches you ever had. Email me your asshole coach story here. Off we go....
Ex-Patriots Rough Up Some Children For Charity
Cameramen aren't the only people who need to be wary around the Patriots. A lesson learned too late for some students who thought they were going to meet their heroes in the name of a good cause. Instead: carnage....
Minnesota Vikings Wide Receiver Bernard Berrian Has A Bit Of A Twitter Controversy Brewing
It appears that Bernard Berrian might have some 'splainin' to do after a photo of a naked woman showering turned up via "TweetPhoto" on his Twitter account....
Lions Coach Mocks Matthew Stafford
Jim Schwartz had a bit of fun at the expense of the future of the Lions. He showed the whole team some vacation pictures, and then he said: "I thought I had a fun vacation - until I saw this.''...
If You Want a Ride In James Harrison's Smart Car, Ask For a Ride in James Harrison's Smart Car When He Hasn't Won the Super Bowl
James Harrison, who is reportedly afraid of one perfectly dignified method of transportation, showed up to training camp in in a tiny German clown car. He is driving it for the children!...
Jay Mariotti On Erin Andrews, AutoSummarized
"Why was the Internet ... giving semi-lives to people with no lives?" thunders Mariotti, who writes for the Internet. The column goes on in this vein for 1,500 words. Let's send this through Microsoft Word's AutoSummarize function, shall we?...
Somehow, Michael Jackson Was Partly Responsible For Magic Johnson's Greatness
I applaud Magic Johnson's ability to personalize it: "the way he controlled the band...the stage." But I'm sure he'd use the same approach if he were eulogizing a painter or a vacuum cleaner repairman. [Gawker]...
Joe Morgan Clarifies One Fib, Possibly Tells Another
As you know, Joe Morgan, the human sic, told a bit of a stretcher during last Sunday's broadcast. Yesterday, he clarified the matter in a way only Joe Morgan could. By maybe lying again....
Let's All Jump Into Puddles
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...