My Grandiose Quest To Play (And Love) FIFA's Most Underappreciated Teams

Soccer connects people on a global scale, but when you play FIFA, it’s easy to only use your favorite teams. As a Mexican from Chicago, my allegiances lie with Liga MX and MLS, respectively, with some UK Premier League thrown in. Lately, though, I’ve found myself largely playing with obscure teams, and it’s made my …
German Hockey Player Narrowly Avoids Der Eismaschine
Stefan Loibl of the Straubing Tigers was just giving a routine interview in the second intermission of a 4-2 loss to fellow German hockey club Kölner Haie. But just when you’re feeling safe—that’s when Der Eismaschine will strike.
Hide Nazis With This Twitter Setting
Twitter, a social media site that verifies Nazis, is legally required to hide Nazi content and symbols in Germany and France. You can take advantage of this without moving to Germany.
Two More American Teenagers Are Set To Make Their Bundesliga Debuts
Christian Pulisic spent this season with Borussia Dortmund tearing it up on the right flank and establishing himself as a vital cog of one of the best offenses in the world. The 18-year-old had four goals and 10 assists for the club in the Bundesliga and Champions League, and put forth the best season by an American…
Dortmund's Other Teenage Star Slams The Door On Bayern Munich To Reach German Cup Final
With Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund tied 2-2 late in their German Cup semifinal match, Dortmund’s teenage star (no, not that one) blasted the game-winning goal from behind a screen of defenders. Ousmane Dembele’s late winner sent his club to their fourth consecutive German Cup final, leaving Germany’s greatest…
After Contract Dispute, U.S. Women's Hockey Is Into World Championship Semifinals
A week ago, the participation of the U.S. women’s hockey team in the IIHF World Championship was uncertain, as they were struggling through contract negotiations with USA Hockey in hopes of ensuring equitable pay and treatment. But two days before the tournament started, the sides reached an agreement. Now, after…
Lukas Podolski's Last Goal For Germany Was A Poetic Banger
In Lukas Podolski’s last appearance for Germany’s national team, the former Arsenal man, corner kick extraordinaire, and guy known for absolutely crushing the ball launched a rocket into the top right corner in the 69th minute to beat England 1-0 in the friendly. It was the perfect final goal for the 31-year-old…
U.S. Performs Nazi-Era "Deutschland, Deutschland Ăśber Alles" Before Fed Cup Match Against Germany
The USTA has apologized to Germany for performing the antiquated first verse of that country’s national anthem—the “Deutschland, Deutschland Über Alles” one, last used by the Nazis—before yesterday’s Fed Cup match between German Andrea Petkovic and American Alison Riske.
Amateur Soccer Man Secures His Spot In Heaven With This Majestic Goal
“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle,” Jesus Christ once remarked, “than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” He continued, “But if a soccer man doth line up and crack a sweet shot on goal, and find himself denied by the crossbar, yet resist the weapons of Lucifer as disappointment and…
Heh. Heh.
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Two Exquisite Flicks Of Feet Gave France The Decisive 2-0 Lead Over Germany
This goal—Antoine Griezmann’s second on the day and the only two of the match that has sent tournament hosts France into the Euro 2016 final—is all about two touches. The first is that lightning-quick little stab of Paul Pogba’s right foot that allows him to burst into space while leaving Shkodran Mustafi for dead and…
Germany Beat Italy After Miserable, Awful PK Shootout
A mostly-uninspired Germany-Italy quarterfinal devolved to a terrible penalty shootout, one finally and mercifully won by Germany after Matteo Darmian became the last of many Italians to choke. He only ever approached the ball thanks to fuckups by MĂĽller, Ă–zil, and Schweinsteiger that forced PK overtime.
Jérôme Boateng's Volley Opens Scoring For Germany
Germany’s dominance looks to continue as Jérôme Boateng hammered home a 25-yard volley to put the reigning world champions up 1-0 early on Slovakia. Maybe it’s not as flashy as Shaqiri, but impressive nonetheless.
Northern Ireland Fans Had A Great Time Despite Getting Stomped By Germany
Above, you can see a veritable sea of Northern Ireland fans in the Parc des Princes for their country’s game against Germany earlier today. Even though their team went down a goal early and were completely dominated, the fans in green nevertheless had a great time singing along with the “Will Grigg’s on Fire” song…
Germany Manager Loves To Smell His Own Nether Regions
The above video, given the disgustingly appropriate title “Joachim Löw smells his balls and his ass during Germany vs Ukraine 2-0,” blew up this weekend because, well, it shows a grown man slipping his hands down the front and back of his pants and sniffing the offending fingers. Sadly, new evidence shows that this…