Germany Bans Fun For Six More Months

Blah blah coronavirus blah blah unprecedented carnage blah blah blah economic ruin, two new whoppers have emerged out of Germany.

Lawmakers in Berlin have extended some  through late October, ordering all gatherings of more than 5,000 people to remain closed.

This decree most notably puts a halt to the city’s annual Berlin Marathon, which last year drew more than 62,000 runners from 150 nations.

The event was slated for Sept. 27 — five months from now.

That’s, uh, a long time.

Also on ice is Munich’s Oktoberfest, the world-famous bacchanal that draws more than 6 million drunks and chesty maidens to the Bavarian capital each year.

No rain date has yet been announced for either event.

Berliners, meanwhile, are beginning to take steps toward a reawakening, with doughnut shops reopening today and schools resuming next week.