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Don't Have Kids? Don't Go To The Pumpkin Patch.
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering the NFL, stoner poop stories, old-man voices, and more....
Hey, The Golden State Warriors' New Stadium Design Looks Like A Toilet
Yeah, man, that's a toilet....
The Political-Messaging Huckster Behind Roger Goodell's Awful Presser
Roger Goodell was talking, but the words weren't his alone. "That speech was all Frank," says an associate of pollster Frank Luntz, lord of the dark arts of political messaging, who frequently works with Goodell and the NFL. "As soon as I heard Goodell's intro, I was laughing." ...
Peter King Thinks He Thinks You Think Goodell Is Doing A Good Job, Maybe
There's an NBC News/Marist poll going around—maybe you've seen it—in which 606 adults answered questions about the NFL's and Roger Goodell's handling of its various domestic violence scandals. One of the questions asks whether respondents think Roger Goodell should resign; 29 percent of them say ...
Brian Hartline Flagged For Golfing Touchdown Celebration
Dolphins receiver Brian Hartline's invisible putt after his touchdown was rather funny. The officials didn't appreciate his creativity, though, flagging the Dolphins for use of a non-football sport in a football game. (OK, it was actually for unsportsmanlike conduct.)...
Report: Ray Rice's Appeal To Rest On Claim TMZ Tape Was Edited
According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, Ray Rice will be basing his appeal of his indefinite suspension by the NFL on the claim that the video showing him knocking out his then-fianceé, Janay Palmer, in a hotel elevator was edited by TMZ....
Manchester United Dominate Leicester, End Up Getting Blown Out
You see that little guy up there? That's Filbert the Fox, Leicester City's mascot. Don't worry, he's feeling great. Though his club hosted the rich and famous Manchester United today, his boys managed to take down the giants. Those aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of mockery, directed at the...
The Premier League Needs More Bastards Like Diego Costa
It takes a certain type of person to start an argument with a person who can't even understand what they're saying. But with Chelsea leading 3-1 at Everton with a little over 20 minutes to play, a goal already to his name, that's what Diego Costa did....
ESPN Reports, Then Unreports, That Casino Gave Rice Tape To The NFL
So ... this is very strange....
UFC Cuts Alleged Woman Beater Thiago Silva After Video Surfaces
UFC's leaders have changed their minds—again—and dumped light heavyweight Thiago Silva today after welcoming him back just two weeks ago....
New Footage Proves Zlatan Ibrahimović Has Been Stuntin' Since Birth
Children sometimes have difficulty understanding the origins of God. How, if He was never born, did he emerge fully formed from nothing? Now, thanks to this previously unreleased footage of Zlatan Ibrahimović in his early years, we now have the perfect explanatory analogy....
Goodell: I Suck At My Job. Now Trust Me.
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, from whom we hadn't heard in quite some time, addressed the media just now, first reading a long, boring statement and then spending a bit more than a half-hour saying nothing whatever of substance in answering questions from reporters. The general impression he gave ...
Protestor Invades Goodell Presser, Screaming About An Elevator [UPDATE]
How well is Roger Goodell's presser going today? A screaming protestor, fearful that he might have to go into an elevator, interrupted it. ...
NFL Fans Prove They're Exactly As Stupid As The NFL Thinks They Are
On Monday, ESPN's SportsNation published a poll about the Vikings' reactivation of Adrian Peterson, the sort of reflexive, wallpaperish question more designed to eat up 20 or 30 seconds of the 11 a.m. SportsCenter than to gauge any actual public sentiment. A few days later it published another, aski...
What Should A Commissioner Be?
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....
NFL Issues Press Release Through <em>USA Today</em> On How Hard It's Working
The NFL wants you to know it's working hard on the issue of domestic violence. It hasn't actually changed anything since the video of Ray Rice slugging his wife was released. But why should that get in the way of a good press release, also known as an exclusive interview, as Tim Marchman explained y...
Just How Good Is Kirk Cousins?
When Robert Griffin III busted his ankle early in Washington's Week 2 game against the Jaguars, the team turned to backup Kirk Cousins to run the offense, again, and damn, he filled in nicely, again. The offense came alive, and Washington came away with a decisive 41-10 victory. RG3's return is st...
MLS Unveils New Logo
The most successful domestic league in American soccer history will hold its 20th season next year, and that survival alone is something to be proud of. To celebrate, MLS has released its new logo, a crest that will be gradually rolled out through the end of the year and properly launched in January...
Jon Stewart Murders NFL On Air; Goodell Asks Mueller To Investigate
Jon Stewart probably thought he was done with the NFL for a little while when he took them on a week ago, but here we are. The Minnesota Vikings suspending, then unsuspending, then suspending Adrian Peterson again caught The Daily Show's attention, and Stewart spent part of Wednesday night's sho...