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Even The Chicago Cubs Are Owning Darren Rovell
You would think that after a career full of attempts at being clever on Twitter backfiring, living BrandBot Darren Rovell would give up the bantering aspect of the platform and stick to reporting on whichever 8,000 calorie food abomination is being introduced in a minor league ballpark near you. B...

Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo
Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's...

WGN Has Woman Make Sparks With Her Crotch In Front Of Awestruck Kids
This wonderful moment in local news history was broadcast recently on Chicago's WGN. Please note the children in the background....

Is This Philip Rivers's Last Year With The Chargers?
That vaunted quarterback class of 2004 will turn 34 this year—right around the age, if you're a good-to-great QB like Ben Roethlisberger, Eli Manning, or Philip Rivers, you get that last longish-term contract to set you for life. Roethlisberger got his extension; Manning's is likely coming soon. But...

The NFL Holds Roger Goodell In Higher Regard Than President Obama
SB Nation's Eric Sollenberger has been hanging out at South by Southwest this week, and he attended a panel called "Now Athletes are Funny: Power of Comedy and Sports." One of the panelists speaking was Adam Richenbach, an executive producer at Funny Or Die Sports who, as Sollenberger tells it, shar...

Soccer Player Badmouths Ref, Gets Told Right The Fuck Off
"Oh, what's that? You have something to say? Where are you going?!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD SOMETHING TO SAY!" ...

How To Cook Some Tasty (For Once!) Cabbage, For St. Patrick's Day
I love St. Patrick's Day. I know it's terribly unfashionable to admit so, but I love it all: I love the wearing of the green, I love the dogs in costume, I love the KISS ME I'M IRISH buttons. Give me a pair of glittered, bobbly shamrocks affixed to a headband and I'm one bonny Irish lass. The gree...

Damn, These Koalas Are Pretty Good Wrestlers
I would have never expected two koalas to be such adept sports animals, but these little buddies are good as hell at wrasslin'. ...

This Is How Being The Biggest Dude In The World Helps You Score Goals
When Adebayo Akinfenwa last dropped-kicked our door down and announced his presence, he showed off his nose for goal with a tap-in against Liverpool in the F.A. Cup. It was a perfectly fine striker's goal, but it wasn't exactly what you'd hoped to see from a guy with a 97 strength rating in FIFA. Th...

Dwyane Wade Saves Ball, Throws Spectacular Behind-The-Back Pass
Up against frenemy LeBron James and the Cavaliers, Dwyane Wade is putting on an absolute show tonight. The 27 points on 11-15 through three quarters is impressive enough, but the real highlight of his night is this crazy save turned spot-on behind-the-back pass that split two defenders to Goran Drag...

You Should Be Paying Attention To Tink
Tink is a Chicago triple-threat singer, rapper, and songwriter who has been gradually making her rise on the rap blogs and niche-music internet over the past two years or so. "Ratchet Commandments" is the first single off her upcoming major-label, Timbaland-produced debut record. It's great, but it'...

Andrew Hammond Wins Again, Raises Hamburger In Triumph
Andrew Hammond's story is the best in the NHL right now, and the Senators are pushing for a miracle. But I can't shake the sense that the headline here ought to be "Magic hamburger doesn't explode after being thrown onto the ice." ...

Wayne Rooney Mocks Boxing Controversy With Hilarious Goal Celebration
Manchester United are running roughshod over Tottenham, up three goals to none at halftime in a crucial match between Champions League aspirants. Wayne Rooney made a great run and finish to score United's third, and afterwards unveiled the boxing knockout celebration above. ...

Angry Sunderland Fans Leave In The First Half, Throw Scarf At Manager
Playing at home against the team a spot below them on the table, Sunderland had the opportunity today to put some distance between them and relegation. Instead, they went down three goals to Aston Villa in the first 37 minutes. Streams of pissed off Sunderland fans stormed out of the Stadium of Lig...

Joe Young Hits Buzzer-Beater To Knock Off Utah
Pac-12 Player of the Year Joe Young hit a long-range three-pointer with one second remaining to lead his Oregon Ducks to a 67-64 win over 17th-ranked Utah in the Pac-12 tournament semi-finals....

Here's A Bear To Help You Rise Above The Bullshit
How's your week been? Unless you're, like, George Clooney, you've probably found yourself muttering something along the lines of, "Man, this is bullshit ..." while dealing with some bullshit. Maybe your boss upbraided you for some crap that wasn't your fault, or maybe you haven't yet gotten your bi-...

Why An Alabama Recruit Is Channeling Zac Efron In <i>High School Musical</i>
You could say Richie Petitbon III's senior year took a dramatic turn....

Antrel Rolle Signed With Chicago After Getting A Message From God/Orbitz
Longtime Giants safety Antrel Rolle signed with the Chicago Bears this week, but leaving New York was not a decision he treated lightly. While a guest on WFAN sports radio today, Rolle explained that he agonized over the decision, even going so far as to ask God for a sign telling him what to do. ...

Patrick Reed Takes A Swing At Defending Himself, Slices Into The Woods
A month ago we republished a feature by Shane Ryan about golfer Patrick Reed's tumultuous college career. The story was an adapted version of material that will appear in Ryan's upcoming book, Slaying The Tiger, and had previously appeared on the site Tobacco Road Blues. The article told of how Reed...

Romelu Lukaku Channels His Inner Marshawn Lynch On This Bulldozing Run
This is probably as close as you'll get to seeing Beast Mode's famous Beast Quake run recreated on a soccer pitch. Everton's Romelu Lukaku knocks over a good three or four defenders before laying off the assist for Steven Naismith's equalizer, proving that he is indeed 'bout that action:...