go Page 700 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
No Gatorade Machine Is Safe From Zambrano's Wrath
Carlos Zambrano did not make it through his start against the Pirates today and neither did the Gatorade dispenser in the Cubs dugout. Carlos gets ejected, but it's always the electrolytes that have to pay the price....
Florida State Takes Strong Stance On Chair-On-Face Violence
Florida State wide receiver Richard Goodman was arrested and charged with a felony for that on campus brawl last fall and has been suspended from the team. Oh, so suddenly the Seminoles doesn't want their players hitting women in the face with chairs? Sheesh, make up your mind. [Orlando Sentinel]...
What You Need To Know About The NBA's Jaunty Superfan
He's the multi-millionaire (but not quite a billionaire) sporting the cowboy hat on his head and God-knows-what on his torso, and he happens to sit courtside at a terrifyingly astounding number of NBA games, sometimes carrying European models, all the time hobnobbing with the league's superstars. Me...
Whoops, Sports Aren't So Recession-Proof After All
Turns out, it's proving difficult for the next Theo Epsteins and Jerry Maguires to catapult from frat parties to their dream jobs, so they're stuck cleaning minor league stadiums and taking unpaid internships at women's tennis tournaments. Tell me about it. I would write more, but Daulerio needs lun...
Scary Old She-Male In Plastic Gold Jacket Haunts The Sidelines (UPDATE)
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Carlos Marmol Leaves Team To Be With Wife (Not Pictured: His Wife)
Cub reliever Carlos Marmol is taking a leave of absence from his day job to fly to New York, as his wife is scheduled to give birth there this week. So then who was the very non-pregnant "female companion" he was snuggling with two weeks ago?...
Michael Jordan Loves Chicago Almost As Much As He Loves Nike
An animatronic Jordan doll donned a Blackhawks jersey at the United Center this weekend, to show his support for the "hometown" boys—but not before he had team officials sew a red patch over the Reebok logo. Nothing to see here, Mr. Knight! [Puck Daddy]...
Who Is Tiger's Turtle?
"The modern player's payroll invariably includes an agent, a caddie, a financial adviser and a swing instructor.... Agent Dennis Harrington predicts that gentlemen's gentlemen — valets — will be the next big thing." John Daly's not sold. [GolfWorld, Style Points]...
Jake Peavy Says "Thanks But No Thanks" To White Sox
Jake Peavy loves batting so much that he can't bear to leave the National League, so he decided to reject the trade that would have sent him to the Chicago White Sox. Also, he knows how to read a box score. [MLB]...
Why Do The White Sox Need Think They Need Pitching Help Anyway?
Poor Bartolo Colon. 8 runs (only one earned, though!) in two innings of work and then the world caved in. [Yahoo!]...
Sex With A Professional Bull Rider: Not Eight Seconds
For those of you who've wondered what sex with a professional bull rider sounds like, here is your answer: "It sounds like fish slapping on pavement."...
White Sox Fans...Meet Your New Starting Pitcher
Pending approval, Padres' ace Jake Peavy will reportedly go to the White Sox for some little people aka "prospects." [SI.com]...
Rudy Giuliani's Son Loses The Case Of "Duke vs. Spackler"
Andrew Giuliani used to play golf at Duke University until the coach that recruited him died, and the new coach realized that he was a terrible golfer. Andy sued after being booted from the team and the judge made him look stupid by quoting Caddyshack as he dismissed the case....
Amy Mickelson Diagnosed With Cancer
Phil Mickelson has suspended his PGA Tour schedule indefinitely after learning that his wife, Amy, has breast cancer. He has withdrawn from the next two events and she will likely have surgery in the coming days. [Star-Telegram]...
Blowing The Whistle: Turkish Soccer Ref Forced Out Because He's Gay
A Turkish soccer referee has lost his job on account of his liking dudes. Horrors!...
Enjoy Your Lettuce Wraps, Courtesy Of Briny Baird
The golfer hit a 230-yard, 34-story-high shot into Petco Park and won all of America free lettuce wraps from P.F. Chang's. Nice try, China—I'm not falling for that again. [SteadyBurn; Devil Ball Golf]...
Adam Burish Survives Horrifying Decapitation Attempt
The Blackhawks lost Game One of the Western Conference Finals yesterday, but Burish's head is still attached to the rest of his body so I guess he has that going for him. Teammate Ben Eager got tangled up with a Red Wing player in the second period and his foot—you know the one with the freshly shar...
Red Hawks. Black Wings. Open Thread.
Puckheads...enjoy. [Yahoo Sports]...
One Connecticut High School Golf Team Shows Why Everyone On The Planet Hates Them
"We were going to have to bag it. It would have been a bummer. I just called my dad. He has a friend who has a couple of puddle-jumper planes." [Greenwich Time]...