go Page 762 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Greg Oden Needs To Come Back Soon
Greg Oden, honestly, you can't back to the NBA fast enough. We're not sure what's going on with his hair here, but we still love it. We fully expect to run into Oden at, like, half the parties we go to....
Boston Little League Crushes Rogue Parent, Keeps Nation Free For Democracy
A seven-year-old Boston area Little Leaguer was benched for two games recently when his mother didn't show up for her scheduled shift at the league snack bar. The Freetown Youth Athletic Association levied the penalty on the child due to his scofflaw mother, who claims that — get this — she had to w...
The Problem With The Padres? Tight Booties
What's wrong with the Padres? With Thursday's 4-0 loss to the Cubs, our Closest Team to Mexico is at 15-27, the worst record in the majors ... that's more horrible than Detroit, folks. The big reason seems to be the strikeouts-per-at-bats ratio, or as scientists call it, tight booties. Just listen ...
Lance Briggs Is The New Shawn Kemp
You say you like the Athletes Making Babies site? Well, then you're gonna love the tale of the smooth operator that is Bears linebacker Lance Briggs....
Ryan Leaf Cleans Out The Attic Of Tearful Regret
Was it really 10 years ago that the Indianapolis Colts made the fateful decision to draft Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf in the NFL draft? To mark the occasion, Leaf is showing off his No. 16 Colts jersey — yep, one such exists — which he found while rummaging through some personal belongings recentl...
Man: The Edmonds Thing Is Really Happening
Augh ... man, the Cubs really did sign Jim Edmonds. Other than Pujols or Willie McGee signing with those guys, we can't imagine our brains hurting more than they do to see this. And we're sure Cubs fans don't feel any better about it. Proceed with extreme caution, Jim; Cards fans can no longer prot...
Cubs Have Second-Best Record In Baseball! (Me No Like Bizarro World)
If it weren't for those insufferable Diamondbacks, who play in the NL West and therefore should only get to count every other win, the Chicago Cubs would be our new overlords. As it is the Northsiders have a 24-16 record after their 8-5 win over the Padres on Wednesday, one game worse than Arizona's...
Reggie Miller Does Not Believe In Shot Glasses Or Belvedere
Yes, that's former Indiana Pacers sharpshooter Reggie Miller filling the mouth of what appears to be a very thirsty woman with a few fingers of Grey Goose....
Who's Quitting Now? Annika Sorenstam, Among Others
Now this is the way to quit. Simple announcement, no ambiguity, definite schedule for withdrawal. Annika Sorenstam, who announced on Tuesday that she's leaving the LPGA Tour at the end of the season, is employing an exit strategy the Bush Administration is envying. Oh, and you can also bet that she'...
Has Troubled Joe Phillips Resurfaced Online?
Most of us not in the Kansas City-area probably heard first about former Chiefs' defensive lineman Joe Phillips' troubles through the fascinating HBO Real Sports segment from last January titled "Family Burden." The story focused on a handful of wives of ex-NFL players going through hard times physi...
Boston Herald Gets Wingo'd Into Apology, Readers Revolt
During yesterday's Spygate meet-and-greet with the press, Roger Goodell and Matt Walsh revealed everything and nothing as to how this whole misguided mess actually transpired. What we do know? According to Goodell, Patriots coach Bill Belichick continues to be full of shit about his misreading of th...
People Not Quite Old Enough To Remember The Last Cubs' Title
Forgive us the doubling-up on Cubs stuff today, but we just can't help ourselves: A new story in — of course — AARP Magazine chronicles the plight of old people just trying to stay alive long enough to see a Cubs World Series win. (Via wrigleyville23.) Our suggestion is to look into cryogenics....
Goose Gossage Has Had Enough Of Your Tomfoolery
I guess we're somewhat removed from the era in which Rich "Goose" Gossage dominated baseball; well, when he dominated the final three innings of it, anyway. The closer really hadn't been perfected until Gossage came along, and the game hasn't been the same since. Although the Hall of Famer spent jus...
Jim Edmonds To The Cubs? Nooooooooooo!
Through it all, through all the hamboning and declining skills, we Cardinals fans have always loved Jim Edmonds. How do you not love a guy who has tattoos of both Darryl Kile and Josh Hancock? But man, if he signs with the Cubs, as has been heavily rumored, we might have a problem....
About Last Night
What you missed while leaping onto the Bob Barr Presidential bandwagon ... • NBA: Why Don't We Do It On The Road ... Celtics lose again in Cleveland, evening series 2-all. • MLB: Nick Adenhart gets his first major league victory, then is promptly sent to the minors. Angels 10, White Sox 7. • NHL: Oh...
O.J. Mayo Reportedly Accepted Gifts And Cash In High School And At USC
The WWL is all over its report this morning on "Outside the Lines" featuring the claim from a former associate of NBA prospect O.J. Mayo that the player accepted $30,000 in cash and gifts over the last four years from a Los Angeles-based event promoter....
Revisiting The Worst Golf Round Of All Time
On ESPN.com yesterday, you might have read Jason Sobel's gory tale of the man man who shot a 66 on one nightmarish golf hole. (The 17th at TPC Sawgrass, if you're into that type of thing.) It's a terrifying tale, no less scary that we don't play golf. But then we recognized the last name of the gol...
Shout At The Dogleg
It's no secret that former hair metal icons began replacing their Aqua Net and sperm-killing lyrca with Tommy Bahama wardrobes as soon as most of them hit their 30s. Alice Cooper's like a five handicap, Tico Torres from Bon Jovi's 12.1, and, hey, even Tommy Lee's a 33....
Guys And Dolls: Floyd, White Sox Back On Top
The inflatable sex doll community was shocked on Tuesday night when Chicago's Gavin Floyd once again lost a no-hitter in the late going; giving up a double to the Twins' Joe Mauer with one out in the ninth. (Inset: "Nooooo!"). Bobby Jenks came on to get the final two outs in the White Sox's 7-1 vic...
GSTF Tour Returns ... In Milwaukee!
Well, in all the hullabaloo of the last week, we'd almost forgotten: We have a reading in Milwaukee this week! It had slipped past us, what with all the dumbing-down of America....