Shout At The Dogleg

It's no secret that former hair metal icons began replacing their Aqua Net and sperm-killing lyrca with Tommy Bahama wardrobes as soon as most of them hit their 30s. Alice Cooper's like a five handicap, Tico Torres from Bon Jovi's 12.1, and, hey, even Tommy Lee's a 33.

So that's why it's no surprise that Vince Neil, Motley Crue's little boy-voiced singer is an 18 handicap and hosts his own charity golf tournament ever year. What's also not surprising? That a good majority of the participants in this tournament are porn stars. The tournament's proceeds go toward the Skylar Neil Memorial fund (Neil's daughter who died of a rare form of cancer) and is appealing to some of the usual corporate weekend duffers who get to spend a weekday getting drunk, playing golf and cavorting with women who could conceivably fit nine irons inside them.

It's probably safe to say that this will be one of the more entertaining and enlightening stories Ventura County Star reporter Tony Biasotti will cover for his paper this year. He did a wonderful job writing about the event for a local paper that probably doesn't normally cover Gina Lynn and Tera Patrick's outdoor activities. One thing bothered me about the story. This part:

It was a bit rowdier than your average golf tournament, but the porn stars generally stayed within the PG-13 range of behavior. There was only one incident that can't be described in a family newspaper.

What, in the name of Friday-night-and-I-need-a-fight could that be?

According to one attendee, it was this: "It involved an adult film star named Flower Tucci, who inserted a golf ball, or golf balls, into one or more of her orifices. Then she gave the ball to a lucky fan."

And that's how compound verbs are born: Flower-tucci

Also, here's a shocker. In looking through last year's tournament's Flickr album, look who pops up in a few photos?

Vince Neil Loves Ladies, Liquor and The Links [Sports By Brooks] When rocker Vince Neil comes to play golf for charity, Simi Valley becomes an altered reality [Ventura County Star] (Photo from 2007 Skylar Neil Memorial Flickr)