go Page 784 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Pants Party: NFC North
We do the riverdance, a manly dance, through the NFC North, land of paternity suits, custody issues, nude assistant coaches, Brett Favre and, of course, sex boats....
A Little Fired Up Down In The Red Zone
Forget the exploits of Peyton Manning and Ben Rothelisberger. Years from now, when you're balancing your great grandchildren on your knee, you can tell them that you were there on the day that Detroit Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen was arrested for driving in the nude. "But was he totally nude, gr...
NFL Pants Party: AFC West
This is the AFC West. This is not like the AFC North. You might have noticed this earlier. This is where they play in different time zones than the one in which we live. Whew. All irrefutable facts....
Who Can Make A Difference? Parents Like You
One just never knows what mayhem will erupt when the Redskins meet the Bears. Anything can happen ... um, did we mention that these Redskins and Bears are 12 years old? Proving that the ghost of Woody Hayes does indeed roam the earth looking for bodies to possess, an assistant youth football coach i...
Chargers LB Steve Foley Shot Multiple Times
From KUSI in San Diego, via the Chargers page at the NFL Fanhouse, comes the news that Chargers linebacker Steve Foley was shot multiple times by an off-duty police officer....
NFL Season Preview: Chicago Bears
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting ...
Controversy Rocks The Little League World Series
It seems we have proven once again that, when it comes to baseball, you should probably take what we say and expect the exact opposite. The team from Columbus, Ga. beat Kawaguchi City, Japan, 2-1, on Monday to claim the Little League World Series title, as America finally exacts revenge for the Wo...
Tiger Wins In An Un-Tigerly Fashion
The man wins even when he isn't trying to win. Tiger was shaky down the stretch (!), holding a three-stroke lead with six holes to play, and ending up in a playoff with Stewart Cink. Four holes later, Tiger Woods was the WGC-Bridgestone champion....
Japanese Golfer Proudly Displays His Balls
At yesterday's Reno-Tahoe Open, Yusaku Miyazato recorded two holes-in-one during the same round. It's never been done before, and normally, something like that would make me want to punch the guy in his face, just out of pure jealousy. But Miyazato, who barely speaks English, was asked how he'd cele...
"You Get To Hit Somebody And You See Them Fall Over"
Considering how it went last time we brought this up, we are extremely hesitant to do it again ... and as we do so, we remind you that this woman — girl, actually — is 16 years old and should probably be considered that way ......
The Padres Very Much Value Your Patronage
You know those annoying updates you get from MLB.com all the time, which pretty much come without mercy anytime you buy a ticket online, like, ever. (We're still getting Phillies emails once a week because we went to a game there three years ago.) We always assumed those emails were sent out by prog...
What Tiger Will Be Up To In Five Years
We don't get into Tiger Woods much around — except to make fun of his facial expressions — mainly because Tiger Woods is, by both design and nature, an intensely boring, robotic character. He wins, and he wins again, and he breaks into a recognizable human emotion every couple of years. This is not ...
Tiger Woods Is Ready To PARTY
We congratulate Tiger Woods on his 12th career major yesterday, an easy victory at the PGA Championship. We are reminded through these pictures, once again, that nobody celebrates quite like Tiger Woods....
Luke Donald's Going To Need A Huge Pair Of Balls
I'm going to try to not make this post entirely about Tiger Woods, as tomorrow's golf post will probably be entirely about Tiger Woods. But yeah, Tiger Woods is tied with Luke Donald for the lead of the PGA Championship after 54 holes. Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods....
NFL Season Preview: San Diego Chargers
We are officially less than a month before the start of the NFL season, so it's probably time to start previewing the monster. The key to the NFL's success — other than fantasy football and gambling, of course — is the rabid nature of its fans. That is to say: You don't see a lot of people painting ...
Jordan Banned From Mountainous Region Of Western U.S.?
There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth last month at the news of Michael Jordan's acrobatic withdrawal from the American Century Championship Celebrity Golf Tournament at Stateline, Nev. Particularly annoying for many fans who had devoted large hunks of time — and considerable coin — to get ...
Stay Angry, San Diego
We'll confess: In the genre of "having Iraqi child hold sign of American popular culture phenomenon that he likely doesn't understand but, by bringing thoughts of a frivolous pursuit into an area that is anything but frivolous, will make a fun point of humor for friends of family back home, allowing...
Franken Friar Is Alive!
Apparently, during their last homestand, the San Diego Padres introduced a new mascot called, inexplicably, "Franken Friar." He's an oversized Friar who dances and flops around and was, uh, brought back from the dead? We're a little confused about that part, actually....
New NFL Commissioner Somehow Looks Like Less Of A Dork
In case you missed the live-blogging of the whole gripping experience yesterday, the NFL owners elected Roger Goodell their new commissioner yesterday, making him the third commissioner of the league in the last 46 years. (We can't believe that's true, by the way; there have been more popes, for cry...