god Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Giancarlo Stanton Sent This Justin Verlander Pitch To Goddamn Mars
Justin Verlander didn’t allow a hit through five innings to the Miami Marlins this evening, but once Miami woke up (presumably because Barry Bonds dispensed a few pieces of sage wisdom), they really started hitting the dogpiss out of the ball. ...
The Portland Jail Blazers: An Appreciation
Honey, you can’t make it to the top without at some point scraping the cold, hard bottom. For the Portland Trail Blazers, their highest high (not a pun) came during the 1999-2000 NBA season, which they rode all the way to the Western Conference finals for the second year in a row, and almost made it...
A Good Goalie Goal
The Lethbridge Hurricanes of the Western Hockey League clinched their division with a 9-3 win over the Medicine Hat Tigers last night, and one of those nine was a bomb from Stuart Skinner all way from the other end....
Rugby Guy Almost Gets His Dick Ripped Off
The man making an anguished face in the picture above is Haydn Peacock, a player in the French rugby league. Why is he making that face? Because someone is trying to rip his goddamn rod off, man....
Sabres' Dave Legwand Scores On The Blue Jackets From Goddamn Mars
Dave Legwand was just trying to get this puck the hell out of his half so he could end his penalty-killing shift, but he messed around and zapped a goal past rookie Blue Jackets keeper Joonas Korpisalo....
Jay Bilas Jinxes Buddy Hield, Kansas Takes Down Oklahoma Again
If you’re not a superstitious person, or you don’t believe in the basketball gods, this here’s a good argument for conversion. ...
Russell Wilson Googled "How To Describe A Beautiful Woman" To Find Something Nice To Say About Ciara
Yesterday was Woman Crush Wednesday on Twitter, so Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson decided to offer an encomium to the light and love of his life, Ciara:...
Mark Schlereth Has Some Thoughts On The Solar System
Today, son of Alaska, ESPN football analyst, and chili plug Mark Schlereth piqued our interest when he tweeted this smuggish tweet......
Young Child Who Gets The Living God Nutmegged Out Of Him Must Now Quit, Learn Viola
Generally speaking, youth sports are about fun and fitness and finding a bit of self-worth in a big, strange world, and perhaps—perhaps—discovering an activity that makes you Feel Something. But generally speaking—generally speaking—the stakes ain’t that high, and they’re not supposed to be....
Godsmack Vocalist Taunts Seahawks Fans At Washington Show
Godsmack vocalist Salvatore “Sully” Erna is from Massachusetts, and he loves the Patriots. Surprising, right? At the band’s Nov. 4 show in Yakima, Wash., he acknowledged Seattle Seahawks fans in the crowd, and improvised a song about how the team sucks “big fuckin’ dick.”...
Greg Oden Put Up A Double-Double In His Chinese Basketball Debut
Hey, remember Greg Oden? The former Trail Blazer with two different sized legs? The former top pick is back playing basketball, this time in China with the Jiangsu Dragons and he looks pretty good, albeit it’s still preseason there too. He’ll share go-to duties with Arnett Moultrie, former Sixers wa...
The Caucasian's Guide To Black Churches
Eleven a.m. Sunday morning was once called “the most segregated hour in America,” but as the nation becomes more diverse, so do its institutions of worship. Steeped in traditions passed down since slavery, churches are one of the cornerstones of the African-American community, and navigating the sub...
Aaron Rodgers Makes Fun Of Russell Wilson By Crediting God For The Packers' Win
After the Packers’ 27-17 win over the Seahawks last night, Aaron Rodgers gave the credit to God. Which wouldn’t be a thing, normally: athletes do that all the time. Except Rodgers is already on record as believing God doesn’t care about Packers-Seahawks games. This was a shot at Russell Wilson....
Sick Of All Those Daily Fantasy Games Ads? This Is For You.
It’s no secret the ubiquitous TV ads for gambling, er, “daily fantasy” sites like DraftKings and FanDuel have taken over football’s bathroom breaks this season in ways boner pill manufacturers could only dream of. Everyone’s sick of hearing about this garbage, so we made something that, by compariso...
Clinton Portis, Lil B, And The Internet's Most Stolen Joke
Joke theft is a hot topic at the moment: with perpetrators like The Fat Jew finally facing repercussions for their comedy larceny and Twitter removing plagiarized tweets, it appears we’ve reached a day of reckoning for those who lack the wit to write their own jokes....
This Hideous Dog Has Me All Kinds Of Fucked Up. I Don't Feel Good.
I’m having a really fucking hard time with this dog, you guys....
The "Smells Like Teen Spirit" Shovel Is The Only Thing That Matters
I spent a good 20 minutes struggling to come up with a headline for this post, not because what happens in this video is hard to describe, but because once you’ve seen the “Smells Like Teen Spirit” Shovel do its thing—once you’ve banged the “play” button for the 32nd time and allowed the shovel’s mi...
Grierson & Leitch's Best Movies Of 2015 (Well, So Far)
As of last week, we are halfway through 2015. As usual, most of the year’s “prestige” movies aren’t out yet, but that doesn’t mean that the past six months didn’t have some terrific films. To make sure they aren’t forgotten come year-end-list time, Grierson & Leitch today present our favorite movies...
Antrel Rolle Signed With Chicago After Getting A Message From God/Orbitz
Longtime Giants safety Antrel Rolle signed with the Chicago Bears this week, but leaving New York was not a decision he treated lightly. While a guest on WFAN sports radio today, Rolle explained that he agonized over the decision, even going so far as to ask God for a sign telling him what to do. ...
How To Tell If You're Being A Crank On The Internet, And How To Stop
Man, you sure are het up! Agitated. Can you believe these goddamn coddled athletes/P.C. Police/Now Finaglin' Cheatriots/Twitter-celebrated pop stars of possibly dubious talent/people talking about the colors on a dress when we haven't even solved all The Problems yet? I mean, cheese and rice! ...