goddamn - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Pete Alonso's Charming "English Muffin" Quote, Like Most Precious Things In Life, Was A Sham
Before Mets slugger Pete Alonso participated in the Home Run Derby during the all-star break, he earned a little moment with this seemingly off-the-cuff quip: “It doesn’t matter how much jelly you have in the jar, it’s about how you spread it on your English muffin.” That’s funny. Well, guess what? ...
Un-Fucking-Real
He was finished. He was disgraced, hobbled, and eaten alive by the ravages of both fame and time. His story was over; it was simply a matter how clumsily it would end and how long it would take for that end to finally arrive....
Look At This Stupid Baby<em></em>
Here we have President Diaper, a fussy young infant who rarely sleeps through the night uninterrupted—and is known to be quite a handful during the daytime as well!—forced to listen for an agonizing 58 seconds as the governor of Washington state explains why arming teachers is a bad idea....
HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT REALLY HAPPENED<em></em>
I scared the shit out of my kids. They had already been subjected to three hours of me clapping and yelling and screaming at the TV, bearing witness to an utterly deranged side of their father that they almost certainly would have preferred to never learn about. I sat. I stood. I paced. No position ...
Look At This Fucking Disaster<em></em>
I know you are long since numb to it, and I know every day is worse than the last, but I’d like you to remember just how fucking embarrassing yesterday, October 3, 2017, was for humanity. Behold our gnome-handed buffoon of a president, wearing his finest emergency golf windbreaker, jump-shooting pap...
Marcell Ozuna Sent This Pitch To Goddamn Neptune
Marcell Ozuna is NOT a fan of the Rays’ 2011 AL Wild Card banner and he will do anything he can to see it die....
Mike Pence Is A Fucking Joke<em></em>
Say hello to our Elderly Lego Man Vice President, wearing his varsity Vice Presidenting jacket and standing, with an intensity reserved almost exclusively for constipation sufferers, near the Demilitarized Zone separating North and South Korea. Supposedly, Pence wasn’t meant to go outside during his...
Look At This Fucking Asshole<em></em>
Behold idiot son-in-law Jared Kushner—the man now in charge of brokering Middle East peace, Uberizing the federal government, reforming the entire criminal justice system, and keeping Donald Trump’s hands off his wife. This perfect still frame from a David O. Russell film has also been put in charge...
Steph Curry Nailed This Shot From Goddamn Mars
I’m not sure Steph Curry is ever truly out of shooting range, and he should be deputized to chuck from wherever he damn well pleases. Tonight, he tossed off a double-pump heave from two-thirds court or so, and he swished it. Sadly, it didn’t count....
Edwin Encarnacion Hit A Walk-Off To Goddamn Mars To Put The Blue Jays Through
The Blue Jays beat the Orioles in the eleventh inning of tonight’s Wild Card game thanks to a huge three-run dinger from Edwin Encarnacion. Encarnacion was the third batter that Ubaldo Jimenez faced after he came into the game with one out in the eleventh. He allowed both baserunners to reach on sin...
Alex Dickerson Hit This Pitch To Goddamn Jupiter
Get a load of this towering dinger that Alex Dickerson sent to the fifth deck up in Toronto tonight. Dickerson’s historic blast (more on this after the dong) went so high that the Fox Sports cameras lost it in the sky....
Bryce Harper Hit This Pitch To Goddamn Saturn
If you throw that fastball as straight as an arrow and lay it right over the middle of the plate, you’re liable to watch it fly all the way out of the ballpark. Bud Norris did just that against Bryce Harper, who proceeded to jerk a big dong to the third deck....