good Page 39 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Is The Best Jaguars Fan
The Jaguars’ draft class needs no further analysis. A woman interviewed by a local news station has said all that needs to be said....
Who Hugged Roger Goodell Longest At Last Night's NFL Draft?
Last night’s first round of the NFL draft featured many large men embracing an extremely rich one. As we do every year, we’ve measured each draftee’s hug time and measured it against his fellow rookies. The winner? New Falcons defensive back Keanu Neal, who got intimate with Roger Goodell for more t...
Roger Goodell On Laremy Tunsil Shitshow: "All Part Of What Makes The Draft So Exciting"
The only real story of the NFL draft was Laremy Tunsil’s fall, after someone hacked his Twitter account to post a video of him apparently smoking pot via a gas-mask bong. It was bizarre and unprecedented and confusing as all hell, but to the NFL Commissioner, it’s just part of the show....
Caption Contest: What Is Roger Goodell Saying To This Child?
Roger Goodell and the NFL PR apparatus stopped by Ariel Community Academy in Chicago today, launching something called the Character Playbook, a Chrome browser extension that tells you how to hide the symptoms of a traumatic brain injury, probably. Who knows....
Roger Goodell Magically Goes Deaf At Mention Of Concussions
Roger Goodell appeared on CBS This Morning today as part of his victory parade to celebrate the league’s courtroom victory over Tom Brady and the Patriots. And while the commish was able to easily answer the softball questions lobbed his way by the show’s hosts, he mysteriously was unable to hear th...
Dog On The Field
Have you ever wanted to check out a Copa Libertadores game? Not as much as this dog here, you haven’t. The good boy in question made the absolute most of his time on the pitch, runnin’, yippin’, hootin’, hollerin’, and jumpin’ until he was carried off like a little baby. Even as he was being whisked...
Mourn Prince However You Can, For As Long As You Want
Jesus, this is terrible. Just terrible. Prince is dead. There’s no way to wrap your arms, or your head, around it. Just pick a moment and fixate. Like that time he burned “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” to the ground....
Steve Clifford Reminds Reporters That Coaching Is More Complicated Than It Looks
The Hornets lost 103-115 to the Miami Heat this evening to fall behind 0-2 in their first round series. The Hornets had a top-ten defense in the regular season, but they’ve allowed Miami to score 238 points in their first two games. Naturally, someone asked Hornets coach Steve Clifford about whether...
This Weird Camera Tracks What Makes Your Pet Happy
I’m not going to tell you that your dog doesn’t care about social media because his sense of animalistic wonder about the world is more compelling and pure than your obsession with likes and retweets. Let’s be honest—dogs are needy attention hounds who are shameless in their quest for constant atten...
Kobe Bryant Ended His Career With A Perfect Kobe Game
Kobe Bryant is the patron saint of volume shooters forever and ever amen, and he really went out and Did The Shit tonight, ending his career with an insane, revelatory game in which he scored 60 points on 50 shots in a win over the Jazz. 60 points! 50 shots! What the hell man!...
Who Was The Actual Best Player In The NBA Every Year During Kobe Bryant's Career?
Kobe Bryant’s career spans a remarkable amount of NBA history, from the late years of the Chicago Bulls dynasty through the rise of the Golden State Warriors. If there’s been one constant through all those years, it’s that the best player in the league has never, ever been Kobe Bryant....
Report: Josh Gordon Failed Yet Another Drug Test
Earlier today, answers finally surfaced in the NFL offseason’s most ragin’ mystery: Who is Johnny Manziel’s roommate? Initially, it appeared it was fellow ex-Texas A&M Aggie Von Miller, but it turns out Manziel is shacking up with suspended Browns receiver Josh Gordon....
This Tigers Fan Caught Five Foul Balls Today
The Tigers lost today at home to the Pirates, thanks to Justin Verlander giving up seven runs. Tigers fans didn’t have a whole lot to cheer for today, save for a pair of dingers and this guy, Bill Dugan, who caught five foul balls. He even made an off-the-wall catch in the second inning....
See You Chumps Later. I'll Be At The Bear Spa.
Sorry, I can’t hang out this weekend. I’m going to Yellowstone to get some R&R at this very cool spa for bears....
The Best Moment Of The A's Season So Far Is This Beer-Holding Fan's Foul Ball Catch
It’s been unseasonably nice in the Bay Area this week. As long as the Oakland A’s keep playing in their dilapidated husk of a ballpark, tickets will stay cheap, and there aren’t many better ways to enjoy a little global warming-induced early summer than watching some baseball and enjoying a big ass ...
God, I Love Watching Tobin Heath Humiliate Defenders
For some, it’s probably difficult to pick a favorite USWNT player, what with our overflow of world-elite talent all over the place, and especially at striker, where our backup’s backup’s backup would most likely start for any other national team in the world. For me, though, the answer’s pretty easy...
RIP Merle Haggard, The Only Man Who Could Live Up To The Name
Ah, Christ, Merle Haggard died, shit. On his 79th birthday. He was one of the greats. You know this for two reasons. First off, objectively, he just was, an acerbic and jovially iconoclastic teller of hard truths and winsome lies, a prickly charmer and actual outlaw (he once attended a Johnny Cash c...
Dog Hockey Is The Best Hockey
There are no Canadian hockey teams in this year’s NHL playoffs, and I’m sure a lot of Canadian hockey fans are very sad about that. The good news is that I have a special message for my bummed-out friends in the north:...
Read The Laughable Lawsuit Patriots Fans Filed Against The NFL Over Ball-Deflation Punishment
It is a pleasant surprise that this lawsuit, filed today by New England Patriots fans against the NFL, is not scrawled in crayon on the back of a Papa Gino’s placemat, or smeared in shit on the wall of a truck-stop bathroom. But then you read it, and it might as well be: it accuses the NFL, in punis...