haters-guide Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Hater's Guide To The Sochi Olympics
Greetings, comrade! And welcome to the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia! Thank God that Vladimir Putin has restored Russia to its rightful place as America’s enemy and foil. (Russia: We Don’t Even Pretend We’re A Democracy Anymore!™) Russians are white and live inside a distinct national ...
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
I have a house and, like most houses, it’s an unfinished work. There are cracks in the paint. There are piles of old clothes and shoes exploding out of the laundry room, which doubles as a storage room because we don’t have a storage room. The walls in our bedroom are bare because we haven’t had tim...
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Top 25
This is it, everyone. This is the last year of college football shooting itself in the foot with a shitty, underwhelming BCS national title game. Come next season, the sport will institute a playoff, and with that, a whole new era of college football shall begin. With better games! And even craz...
The Hater's Guide To Other Parents
I am not the greatest parent in the world. In fact, I wrote an entire book coming out today that indisputably proves that statement. I have been arrested. I have yelled at my children. I have experimented with odd forms of corporal punishment. And I have conspired with my children to commit petty mi...
The Percy Harvin Trade Is Great News For Football And Horrible News For Me
Percy Harvin is headed to Seattle. Let's deal with this news, first with reason and then with angry, drunken homerism....
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Oscars
Time to put on our bitchy pants and say shitty things about the Oscars and everyone nominated for the Oscars. Now, according to Entertainment Weekly, this year’s Oscars will be “song-and-dance heavy,” which is arguably the most terrifying thing I have ever read. The Grammys were two weeks ago. That ...
The Hater's Guide To Ray Lewis
It’s not exactly daring to hate Ray Lewis. Facebook data show that most people are rooting for the 49ers to win the Super Bowl, and I’m sure “FUCK RAY LEWIS” has a lot to do with that. No one disputes that Lewis should be a Hall of Famer, and I guess we can all agree that he’s a good leader. He sure...
The Shitty Parent's Guide To Children's Christmas Presents
Christmas is coming, which gives you a golden opportunity to squander money and add to the mounting clutter inside your home. There are millions of options when it comes to buying presents for your children and then pretending that Santa gave them those presents and then resenting the fact that the ...
The Hater's Guide To Notre Dame
You’re gonna hear a lot about Notre Dame over the next month or so, particularly from media types like Tony Kornheiser who have spent the past 20 years holding back a collective tidal wave of jism, waiting for the program to return to prominence so that they can declare how good it is for college fo...
The Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
(The 2013 edition can be found here.)...
Deadspin Classic: The Hater’s Guide To Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift’s new album, “Red,” has sold 1.2 million copies in its first week, which is some sort of record for something or other. In 2010, Drew Magary wondered: Why the big fuss over a woman who makes “training-bra music”?...
The 2012 Hater's Lover's Guide To The Top 25
Every year, we preview the upcoming college football season with a Hater’s Guide to the Top 25, and every year I make the same jokes about Ohio State fans being dumb and Alabama fans being racist (it’s true!), and it’s always a great deal of fun. But this year, between the Hater’s Guides and the Why...
The Hater's Guide To The 2012 London Summer Olympics
Greetings, Olympic fanboys! Or should I say ... TOP OF THE OLYMPICS TO YE?!! The London Olympics are here at long last, and I think we're all excited for 16 days of corrupt amateur sports, monumentally wasteful publicly funded infrastructure, and totalitarian branding guidelines. Also, I'm told ther...
The Hater's Guide To The 2012 Academy Awards
Ah, the Academy Awards. To give you a firm understanding of just how awful the Oscars are, consider this: This is the only entity in the universe that considers the inclusion of Billy Crystal to be an act of salvation. If they told you they were going to try and fix all the gaping plot holes of The ...
The 2011 Hater's Guide To Fantasy Football (NFC)
In case you missed it, here was the AFC preview. Now it’s time for Andy Behrens and I to take on the NFC. Off we go. ...
The 2011 Hater's Guide To Fantasy Football (AFC)
Every year, I do a fantasy football preview with Andy Behrens of Yahoo. We usually do this as a podcast, but my equipment crapped out this year and so you get a written preview instead. So let’s get right to it. As always, the goal of Behrens and me is to give you as much relevant information about ...
The 2011 Hater's Guide To The Top 25
It’s that time of year again. Time to bust out the old roasting pan and say despicable, awful, horrible things about every team in the college football Top 25. Join me, won’t you? Please note: The following guide contains words, which may be an issue for those of you who attend Auburn. As a safety p...
The Hater’s Guide To The Field Of 68, Part II
Time for Part Two of our Tournament hatefest. Miss Part One? You can read it right here, muchacho. ...
The Hater’s Guide To The Field Of 68, Part I
It’s that time of year again. Time to break out the roasting jacket and say horrible, awful, incredibly mean-spirited things about every school participating in the NCAA tournament. And while I fucking hate the new 68-team bracket, that does give us a chance to hate on three extra schools this go r...
The 2010 Hater’s Guide To The MLB Playoffs
Time to ring in a new annual tradition around these parts, in which we say horrible, awful things about all the teams involved in the playoffs this year. Let’s do this....