heat Page 70 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Championship Parades Are No Fun
We've always wondered what it would be like to go to a championship parade for one of our favorite teams, but every time we get excited about the notion, the bastards go and, say, lose eight games in a row and ruin it for us. But still. We imagine it Albert Pujols riding by in a float, throwing us c...
You Stay White, Miami
At the end of yesterday's victory parade for the Miami Heat, Shaq grabbed the microphone and asked, "Who wanna see Coach Riley dance?" For reasons I can't begin to understand, the people of Miami responded affirmatively, and then the following took place:...
The Faces Of Champions
That's right, folks, the wait is over: Antoine Walker, Shandon Anderson and Michael Doleac are finally champions....
Heat Win First-Ever Title, And Even Cuban's Classy About It
Even though their apparently show their loyalty by dressing up like Klan members — even when they're not actually at the arena in which the games are being played, like in this picture — and even though they don't have an owner whose brain is always on the verge of a noisy (and always smart and en...
And Without Any Further Blowups ... Game 6
Difficult to add much more to everything else that's out there: It's Game 6, the Heat are a game away from winning the NBA Title, Mark Cuban is $250,000 lighter and downright dog-nutty, Dwyane Wade getting his legend on and the referrees looking over their shoulders, making sure no one's got a shi...
Is Mark Cuban Going Insane?
We feel we have to legitimately ask: Is Mark Cuban losing his mind?...
Let Us Now Read From The Book Of Dwyane
Christ loves basketball, of that we're certain. But there is no clue in the scriptures, as far as we can tell, as to which city Jesus would have preferred; Dallas or Miami. We can't really picture Him in either place, quite frankly. But we did find this over on Dave Barry's blog, so all of you Da ...
Howard's Boner (Or, Why Refs Are A Natural Male Enhancement)
Another reason that it would have been more fun to live in the early 1900s rather than now — also on the list: speakeasies, jalopies, no Internet — is the fact that they used the word "boner" to describe embarrassing mental missteps. We wish this were still true today; we'd have Buckner's boner, W...
Heat/Mavs Game Five: The Lack Of Stack
Game Five of the NBA Finals will serve as your capper to an excellent sports weekend. And there's certainly no lack of intrigue for tonight's game. The Heat have all the momentum. The Mavs can't stop Dwyane Wade and his myriad of injuries and ailments. Dirk Nowitzki has gone into hiding. Avery Joh...
Jerry Stackhouse And Common Sense Have Been Suspended
Jerry Stackhouse was found to be in violation of the NBA's strict "Do Not Touch Shaquille O'Neal" policy yesterday, as the league announced that it was suspending him for Game 5 of the NBA Finals. Stackhouse committed a hard foul on Shaq as the big man was driving for a lay-up. Have a look:...
And Here Come The Heat
As True Hoop pointed out this morning, this guy must feel like a complete idiot right now....
Hey, Remember These Guys?
Not to remain so firmly ensconced on the jock of Free Darko, but we're completely fascinated with their McSweeney's column today. Namely: Has anybody noticed that Antoine Walker and Jason Williams are playing in this series? Obviously, Dirk and Shaq and Wade and Cuban are the headliners of the ser...
Did The Heat Really Make This A Series?
After staying up too late watching basketball, we woke up this morning ready to survey the NBA world's presumed newfound excitement over the NBA Finals, which showed some signs of life last evening. But that's not what we found....
Dwyane Wade: Kind Of Fun To Watch
This mighty pretty Getty Images photo, taken during one of Dwyane Wade's many free throws tonight, pretty much sums up everything we just saw: Everywhere we looked, there was Dwyane Wade, and there was Dwayne Wade only....
Is This It For Shaq, Wade And Riley?
Well, if you're not too busy waving David Hasselhoff masks like a maniac, you should certainly be intrigued by tonight's NBA Finals Game 3. The Heat obviously have to win, and the game is perhaps as important to Shaquille O'Neal's legacy as it is to Pat Riley and the rest of the Heat. Even Dwyane ...
Boy, The Heat Sure Look Done Already
As Free Darko pointed out, last night's Mavericks-Heat game was hardly one they'll be showing off on NBA TV in a week. The Mavericks dominated the whole way, and as little fun as it is to pronounce a series over before they even switch venues, it kind of looks like the Heat might be done....
Rileyball To Rear Its Ugly Head
Well, here we go. Pat Riley, shown above after being asked about the size of Shaquille O'Neal's penis, has made clear his intention to ugly up the NBA Finals. They're going to roll with a little more "Rileyball," which is, of course, another term for ugly basketball. For examples, see any of the ...
Terrell Owens, Symbol For The Youth
You know, this is the NBA Finals, the World Cup, the start of some obviously exciting baseball pennant races and, of course, ant soccer. One would think it would be our one Terrell Owens-free time of the year....
Mark Cuban's Courtside Blogging Madness
Last night's NBA Finals Game 1 Mavericks victory over the Heat was an impressive one, and a fun one to watch; we feel optimistic about the series as a whole. (Though a scary part inside us keeps whispering nasty matters about a sweep.)...
NBA Finals Pants Party: Mavericks Vs. Heat
We all used to complain that the NBA playoffs took too long to finish, that there were too many games, that it was just all too much. Now, the complaints are about having to wait too long for the Finals to start. Yeah, we'd call that progress....