Shaq Keeps The World Safe, One Escalade At A Time

It is clear, at this point, that in his dreams Shaquille O'Neal flies over our major cities, combing the streets and alleys from up high, looking for evildoers to apprehend and, if necessary, kung fu chop. Sunday morning, after Shaq had returned from a game in Chicago, he and his bodyguard — whom we always imagine as being five feet tall but extremely fast — were unloading luggage when a car rammed into Shaq's Escalade. The guy tried to take off, but Shaq and his bodyguard hopped in the car and "tailed" the suspect while calling 911.

Eventually they caught up with the guy, and the passenger, a scared kid named Junior Rondon, said Shaq got out of the car and was "stern." "I couldn't believe that,'' Rondon said. "Of all the people. I mean, damn.' He told us to shut up. He said, 'I don't want to talk to you right now.'''

Our favorite part of the story is that Shaq, ever obsessed with police terminology and procedure, emphasized that "he followed proper police protocol during the chase, including pursuing at a safe distance and speed." Well, at least he had the right house this time.

Shaq Helps Police Nab Hit-And-Run Driver [Miami Herald] Hey, Look, It's Shaq! And ... Uh, OK, That's A Semiautomatic Rifle [Deadspin]