hell Page 27 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Browns Can't Possibly Fuck This Up...Right?
The consensus is that Myles Garrett will be the first pick in this month’s NFL draft, and that the Texas A&M DE can be a generational player. The consensus does not always turn out to be right, mind you—but it’s right more often than it’s wrong. The Cleveland Browns, picking No. 1, need just about e...
Jeremy Hellickson Vows To Never Hit Another Triple
The designated hitter is a farce and an abomination, but it does keep your pitcher from getting all tuckered out after a jaunt around the basepaths. That’s what happened to Phillies starter Jeremy Hellickson on Monday, after a line drive to right field made him the first Phillies pitcher to hit a tr...
Celebrity Democrats Fuck Off
We have just witnessed the incredible spectacle of a vile right-wing celebrity being elected President of the United States. There is a right lesson—and a wrong one!—for Democrats to take from this. ...
Louisville's Donovan Mitchell Reached Out Of The Arena To Finish Ridiculous Alley-Oop
After last Wednesday, Louisville forward Deng Adel probably thought he was in the clear for claiming the team’s dunk of year. Unfortunately for him, Syracuse defenders are a bunch of ball-watchers....
Just Elect Keith Ellison Already
The race for Democratic National Committee chair has been going on for, it seems, a thousand years. It should mercifully conclude this month. If the Democrats are not idiots, they will give it to Keith Ellison, and move on to doing things of actual importance. ...
![Basketball Player's Eye Pops Out Of Socket In Really Gross Injury [Graphic]<em></em>](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/cny3q7l4uemcmrp8jc6b.jpg)
Basketball Player's Eye Pops Out Of Socket In Really Gross Injury [Graphic]<em></em>
New Zealand Breakers big man Akil Mitchell suffered a horrific and gruesome injury in a game earlier this morning, when his eyeball “puffed out of its socket” after being caught by an opponent going for a rebound....
Have You Worked For Our Incoming Labor Secretary's Fast Food Empire?
Do you work at Hardee’s or Carl’s Jr.? We want to hear from you. ...
Woe To The Land: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL Playoffs
Big choices today, folks. On the one hand, you could do something fun and enriching and squeeze a little enjoyment out of your weekend; on the other hand, you could subject yourself to the misery of what might be the worst playoff quarterback matchup in NFL history. Tough call!...
Mike Mitchell Screams As Officials Deny His Pleas
Mike Mitchell’s one of the NFL’s toughest guys, but when officials called him for a facemask penalty—when, replay showed, he was equally-victimized—he had a reaction for the ages....
Soccer Fan Takes Ball Square In The Face
A spectator at yesterday’s Porto-Feirense Portuguese league cup match learned the hard way to never look away from the match, even for a moment....
Young Man Enjoys Phish Concert
I’ve never been into Phish, partly because I had a really awful roommate in college who loved them, and partly because I once stumbled into a bar that was projecting a live Phish concert onto the wall, much to the delight of the writhing mass of white dudes in sweat-stained ball caps that had packed...
Jim Harbaugh Answers Bizarre Questions About Oranges And Bikinis At Orange Bowl Presser
Jim Harbaugh, king of strange press conferences and second-hand awkwardness, told a gaggle or reporters today that he finds oranges “to be very refreshing.” ...
Kevin Johnson Apparently Out Of The Running To Be Married To Trump's Secretary of Education
Disgraced school-privatization activist Michelle Rhee announced today that she doesn’t want—or at least is not pursuing—a job as Donald Trump’s secretary of education....
Accused Sexual Abuser Kevin Johnson Meets With Accused Sexual Abuser Donald Trump
This past Saturday, disgraced school-privatization activist Michelle Rhee brought her husband, disgraced outgoing Sacramento mayor Kevin Johnson, to a meeting with Donald Trump at the president-elect’s golf club, where they discussed her possible nomination as secretary of education. Trump met that ...
Floyd Mayweather Manages Photo Op In Which He's Not The Biggest Asshole<em></em>
Trump’s gravity for repulsive assholes remains undefeated....
You Guys, I Think The Winnipeg Jets Might Be...Good?
I feel entirely uncomfortable even noting this development, wary of some quantum observer effect in which quantifying Winnipeg’s success will cause them to go back to the futility with which the franchise has come to be synonymous. The Jets are a delicate baby bird, to be cupped ever-so-gently for f...
<i>New York Times </i>Washington Editor Asks, Why Won't The Democrats Be More Racist?
In defeat, American liberals and the left are currently engaged in two arguments, which really amount to one argument: Whose fault is it that Hillary Clinton lost, and what should the Democratic Party do to defeat Donald Trump and down-ballot Republicans the next time around?...
How Long Can You Wear Championship Gear?<em></em>
Hey, it’s Election Day! You should go vote. Unless you forgot to register, in which case it’s probably too late, in which case you are utterly powerless to control the country’s destiny, in which case we may all burn forever as a result of your negligence, in which case you should hide when we come ...
Did You Hear The Latest Big Election Scoop?
This past weekend, I caught some evolved form of plague from my two-year-old, disease-carrying nephew. Though I’m past the worst of the illness at this point, some residual sinus pressure remains. So I stopped by the drugstore on my way into the office. It was here that I learned that Huma Abedin an...
We Are All Living In Hell [Update]
There is no ever-loving deity. There is only Satan himself, handling the levers and pulleys that guide our lives, our limbs, our souls. Update: ...