hell - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Isn't The Super Bowl Supposed To Be Fun?The Patriots are, in all likelihood, going to win again, and it’s going to be awful. The question now is: What is the worst possible way they could win? A 52-6 blowout? A three-TD lead for L.A. followed by yet another miraculous comeback by everyone’s least-favorite fancy dog? Aaron Donald breaking ...

Let's Just Keep Doing This Shit Forever!There’s no sense in waiting for it at this point. The New England Patriots, who have been shitting up the mid-winter for sports fans throughout this entire terrible millennium, are not remotely close to going away, not any more than, say, measles or famine are close to going away. They’re a problem,...

Fuck This Fucking Shit The Patriots beat the Chiefs 37-31 in an overtime instant classic at Kansas City, clinching the AFC title and a Super Bowl berth against the Rams. Tom Brady engineered long drives down the field at the end of regulation and in overtime—both of which ended with rushing touchdowns by Rex Burkhead....

This Dude Really Served Clemson Boxed-Up Fast Food On A Bunch Of Fancy Trays

Earlier today, President Donald Trump boasted about getting a bunch of fast food for the college football national champions, who were visiting the White House tonight, and he really did it! Take a gander at those carefully arranged sauce packets in a dish on top of a tray, for no reason....

Two Insufferable Teams Combine Forces For One Really Big Piece Of Shit

Notre Dame football will play at Yankee Stadium in November, so to commemorate what will surely be a memorable game against Syracuse, the Fighting Irish will wear these pinstriped uniforms. The price is quite steep at $95, but anyone who’d buy one would be doing so drunk anyway....

Watch Skip Bayless Debate Himself, If You Dare

Second Take host Skip Bayless is perhaps the most unshakeable sports yeller out there, and he’s certainly the clear debate champion among FS1's band of squawking misfits. The future of FS1 is fewer Ken Rosenthal gems and more cantankerous opinion-havers yelling at each other for some reason, and Bay...

White Sox Create Hellish Artifact

Why an alarm clock that wakes you up by having Hawk Harrelson scream “You can put it on the board ... YESSSS!” at you exists I just can’t tell you, though Paul Skrbina of the Chicago Tribune has reported that we came close to living in a reality where the clock yelled “You gotta be bleepin’ me!” at ...

Woe To The Land: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL Playoffs

Big choices today, folks. On the one hand, you could do something fun and enriching and squeeze a little enjoyment out of your weekend; on the other hand, you could subject yourself to the misery of what might be the worst playoff quarterback matchup in NFL history. Tough call!...

latest

We Are All Living In Hell [Update]

There is no ever-loving deity. There is only Satan himself, handling the levers and pulleys that guide our lives, our limbs, our souls. Update: ...

by Timothy Burke|hell

|10/24/2016

Hell Exists And It's Getting Your Hair Cut While Skip Bayless Yells At You

The Los Angeles Times’ Lance Pugmire talked to old friend Skip Bayless and wrote about his preparation for the premiere of Second Take, which will begin airing on Sept. 6 and, if patterns hold, will stop drawing viewers about a week later when everyone is finished rubber-necking. Skip has already pr...

by Patrick Redford|skip bayless

|08/29/2016

Colin Cowherd's And Jason Whitlock's <i>All Takes Matter </i>Is Going To Be A Goddamn Hour Long

The world is already aware that Colin Cowherd and Jason Whitlock will team up for their new Fox Sports 1 show Speak For Yourself, which should be called (and which we are calling) All Takes Matter, but no one was prepared for it to be a full hour at 6 p.m....

by Samer Kalaf|hell

|05/10/2016

Report: Colin Cowherd And Jason Whitlock To Host <i>All Takes Matter</i> At Fox Sports

Going by the ratings, no one wants to see scuttling opinion-haver Colin Cowherd and motivational speaker Jason Whitlock on their televisions. Despite this, they will be the new hosts of a Fox Sports show tentatively titled Speak For Yourself. (There’s still time for Fox to take up our suggestion to ...

by Samer Kalaf|hell

|05/02/2016

A Night In Hell: The Savage Horrors Of World Series Game 2

“The path to paradise begins in hell.” —Mr. Baseball, My Life and Memories, Volume 2: The Childhood Years (Book 2, Ages 3 through 5)....

by Mr. Baseball|BASEBALL

|10/30/2015

Dick Young goes to Hell, files his column anyway. "Memo to Joey D.: Marilyn is sick of your weekly roses. Give it a rest." [The Stacks]...

by Tim Marchman|the stacks

|07/24/2013

Heaven Ain't What It Used to Be: Dick Young Goes To Hell

New York sportswriting legend Dick Young was a lot of different things. Among them, for reasons laid out in this classic Ross Wetzsteon profile, he was a man one could easily imagine having a great time filing his column from the depths of Hell. Warren Leight and Charlie Rubin ran with the conceit i...

by Alex Belth|Dick Young

|07/24/2013

Mike Vick Tweets That He'd Be Honored To Have Favre Back Him Up, Then Tweet Disappears

You'll recall this, Howard Eskin's report that the Eagles might have some interest in bringing the gunslinging kid aboard as a backup in 2011. This scared a lot of us....

by Jack Dickey|intrigue

|07/24/2011

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